Chapter 33: Boys Will Be Boys:

David's POV

Sometimes our friends drag us into things we don't want to do. Like coming over to their house at some random hour of the night, even though you want to sleep.
    Knock, knock, knock. I waited for Cris to answer the door, hands in my pockets, wondering what the hell we were going to be "celebrating."
   Ever since Sunday he told me he had some "big news" to tell me, but he kept putting it off until-now. I knew it couldn't be anything serious, because he would've told me by then.
    The door swung open and he flung his arms wide out into the air. "Heeeeey! There's my superstar athlete!"
    "Please... Don't." I cringed, holding my hand up in an awkward manner, looking from side to side.

      He ignored my statement and slung his arm around my shoulder, pulling me through the door. Thud. I was greeted with the awe-struck stares of Tristan and Aaron. I kicked my shoes off by the door.
      "Come on! You got a freaking scholarship yesterday, that's something to celebrate-"
    "Please tell me that's not what we're celebrating! I already told you-"
     "No." He looked around at the other guys in the room. "Excuse us for a moment, we'll be right back... Just go upstairs and put the game in."
     Tristan and Aaron nodded, walking up the stairs as Aaron stayed behind, "Don't forget the bottle man!" He warned.

     As soon as Cris pulled me into the kitchen, he grabbed me by the shoulders. "What the hell is going on with you?!"
     Everyone was worried about me because of Casey, sometimes I wished she didn't get involved with my life all the time. When she was upset about things, I never ran off and talked to her friends. I bet she put him up to this, just so she could find out what was 'wrong' with me.
    "HELLOOOO?! Earth to David!" He shook me around like a drunken rag doll.
     Scowling and pushing him away from me I yelled, "Stop!" Cris was like that annoying younger brother I always wanted, except we were the same age. I looked over to the side, rubbing my neck. "What's that for?" I pointed to the bottle of liquor he had sitting on the counter, it even had a pink bow around it.

"That's for us." He got closer to the counter, admiring the bottle. "Aged Gran Patrón Platinum tequila," he said trying to roll his tongue like a Spanish speaker. He really knew how to be a dork sometimes.
"Oh yeah, that pink bow definitely shows that it's for us." My sarcasm was in full effect.
He rolled his eyes, "Okay, it's my mom's." A smirk formed at the ends of his lips, he looked like such a sly bastard. "Her boyfriend gave it to her as a gift, but she doesn't drink alcohol... So why let it go to waste?"
I shrugged, "I guess." Mumbling only made me sound even more un-enthused. I quickly changed the subject. "So now that I'm here, can you please tell me what the hell we're celebrating?! You've had me waiting long enough."

     "Ohhh yes, I can definitely tell you all about that." He was lowering his eyes and raising his voice in the most cunning way. "Do you remember Emma- Emma Autry?!" He was nearly whispering but I could still hear him loud and clear.
    I paused for a moment, wondering why her name sounded so familiar, and then it clicked. Looking at him like an maniac I asked him, "Didn't she give some guy an STD last year?"
     Cris stiffened all of a sudden, "Yeah, her." It was like he was reluctant to go on. "We've been talking."
    "Talking about what?!" Cris knew he never had to worry about what he said to me, I frowned at him. "Come on man, stop beating around the bush...Say what you need to say, I'm not gonna judge you."
      Immediately, he grinned and then flashed a straight face. "I'm not a virgin anymore."
 

      My ears were nearly bleeding. "WHAT?!"
     He started nodding his head up and down, slowly. "Mhmm. She invited me over, we were watching tv, and then we started kissing and I think you know what happened from there." He gave me a wink.
    "Wow." I hushed, almost wondering if I had heard him clearly.
     "I know right?! I can't believe it! It was so amazing, the way she looked, her body is perfect...You have no idea...And let me tell you, she knew what she was doing." He was stuck in his little world, daydreaming, but I was wondering if he had gone crazy.

             "What about Jessica?" It felt like I was being more compassionate than he was, and he was her boyfriend. I guess he didn't give a shit.

    "Yeah. What about her?" The flash of his white teeth covered his pink fleshy skin as he bit his lips, he was angry. "Nothing matters between me and her anymore. I know what you're thinking but, this wasn't something that happened over night." He sighed, "It's been a buildup, a buildup of disrespect, a buildup of lies, and a buildup of tension! I've had blue balls for 3 years now, it was getting old really fast. Jess had her chance to make things right but look at her, she's running off with that Colon guy." The look on his face when he mentioned Collin, was priceless.
As much as I tried to hold it in, I laughed my ass off. "That Colon guy." I mocked him, "You really think she wants him?"
"What do you mean do I really think she wants him- HAVE YOU SEEN HER LATELY?!" His eyes were all wide and gleamy. "Colon this, Colon that- oh yeah I can't hang out with you today, I'm gonna be busy with Colon." He grit his teeth. "Fuck him, and fuck her. She's a bitch and I don't deserve to get led on like that. Besides, let's see how long he waits to get laid."

Without thinking I said, "Who said he was going to have to wait?" I had never seen Cris so jealous over another guy, it was hilarious.
He gave me the evilest glare imaginable. "Ha. Ha. Ha." We were both on a roll as far as sarcasm went. "Even if she does decide to sleep with him, I'm pretty sure he won't be impressed."
"And you think Emma was impressed with you?! No offense, but we both know she gets around."
"Okay, stop talking shit. Like I said before, we've been talking and she's not like that anymore, either way I'm just playing the field right now." He crossed his arms. "I thought you would be happy for me."

"I am," I shrugged my arms in a nonchalant manner. "I guess I was just expecting something different, but congrats man."
"Yeah? Well, I was expecting more from you lately, I thought you would be different after yesterday, but I guess not." He mumbled.
"What do you mean you thought I would be different?" I asked.
He pointed at me, frowning. A quick tug on my shoulders made me tense up. "THAT. That's exactly what I mean. You're living in a daydream man- Wake the fuck up! Why have you been acting so God damn strange? You got a scholarship yesterday and you walked around like nothing even happened."
   "I'm sorry? I just didn't feel the need to broadcast it, I really didn't want it to be honest."  I didn't want to go to college on a sports scholarship, I wanted to pursue music. It wasn't like I really needed the money anyways, it was a waste. "Look, I'm gonna have to sit around with my prick of a cousin for 2 weeks straight during break, I'm not enthused about anything right now."
    "Bullshit." He laughed, "Come on, I know your cousin is an ass but you've gotta come up with a better lie than that, I'm almost insulted that you would try and lie to me."

     "I'm not lying, sure there may be some other things that are on my mind, but they don't matter." I really was the worst liar in the world, especially when I lied to my friends.
    "They do matter if you're acting like this." He backed up, still eyeing me with strategic intent. "Is it Casey?"
    "Kind of sort of." I weaseled around the problem, trying to give subtle hints, but not too many hints.
    "What's wrong with her?" He was listening, and I was almost afraid to say my next words.
     "I think I might just end it with her soon." It was almost hard to say that, almost.

     "What?!?!" Now he was the one looking at me like I was a fool. "Dude! She's pretty, she has things going for herself, and she gives it up. What more could you want?!"
    "And? There's other pretty girls out there with plenty of things going on for themselves, and any girl will give it up, you just have to give them a reason to." I shrugged, there really wasn't any reason to be with her anymore.
    "Why? Why now?" His face fell flat and he asked me, "Who's the other girl?"
     "There's no other girl, I'm just bored. Everything is the same with Casey. It's going to be a new year, and we break up all the time. It feels like a cycle."
    "Don't you think you've told me enough lies in one day?"
     "Alright, there's this girl but it doesn't matter what her name is, or who she is." Thinking about Melody made me nervous, I sighed. "She's complicated, but I like the challenge. Not everything is a 'yes' or 'no' with her."

      He looked all sly when he asked me, "Is she pretty? Short? Tall? Curly hair? Straight hair? What size bra does she wear?" He knew that last comment would annoy me, which is why he laughed.
     As much as I trusted him, I never felt like it was his business to know things like that. The thought of someone else knowing what my girlfriend looked like downstairs or even below the neck was kind of unpleasant,  which is why I never told him or anyone anything about Casey. What happened between us, stayed between us, even if I wasn't happy with her anymore. "That's irrelevant," I muttered.
"Not really. I mean what if you guys have sex? Don't you want something to grab on to?" His face was all red, it looked like he was losing his breath from all his constant laughter.
"There's always hair," I quickly dismissed his counterargument, chuckling a little bit too. I regained my composure, "But honestly, if she has a pretty face, that's all that matters to me."

"Well, does she have a pretty face?" He raised the tone in his voice, waiting for my answer.
"She's pretty to me and besides, she wouldn't want to have sex with anyone." I admitted, even though that was kind of painful.
"How would you know? You're David, any girl would get down with you. Even this mystery girl you speak of-" He grimaced for a moment, "Is she religious?"
"Please, I'm just another guy like you and every other man in the world. But nah, she's not religious... I guess she's just waiting for the 'right guy.' Ya' know?"

"Oh believe me, I know and I'm not dealing with a girl like that, ever again." He mimicked the motion of a gun being put to his head. "Fuck that shit. I'd shoot myself before I date another 'Virgin Mary.'"
I couldn't stop laughing, "Okay, okay, that's enough." I frowned at him, wondering when he had changed, this wasn't the Cris I knew a few weeks ago. Sure, Cris was an ass but, he never was that rude. "When did you become such a big bad dirt bag?"
"It's been in me, I just never showed it." He pointed towards the bottle of tequila and snickered. "Come on, Aaron and Tristan are waiting for us, we're gonna finish this bottle and I don't want to be last." He cringed, picking it up and gazing at the worm slushing around the bottom of the bottle. "Whoever's last has to eat the worm."

***

   Alcohol was not my best friend, it was my worst enemy, in many ways than one. It was kind of like that old lady down the street who looked so friendly, until you actually go up and try to say hi to her, and then she ends up waving her rusty old cane at you.
"Son of a bitch!" Tristan cursed, moving his index feverishly against the controller. The zombies were crowding around him, "Shit! I gotta reload!"
    I shook my head at him, downing some more tequila. It was so smooth as it went down my throat, compared to all the cheap alcohol most of the other kids scored these days. Pulling the bottle away from myself, I looked at it. Could you buy alcohol online without any questions asked? This shit was pristine...Top notch.

     "DAVID! COVER ME!" Tristan was still waiting for his gun to reload, slowly backing himself into a corner as the zombies blocked his only way out. "David!" He nudged me in my arm.
     "Oww." That was one of my tender spots, yet everyone loved touching me there. Even Melody, but she didn't know that. "I'm trying." I fumbled with my controller, trying to lead the zombies my way.
      Just the thought of her sent my mind wandering, she was gone like the wind, and she took my mind right with her. All my texts were un-viewed and even Jessica said she did the same thing to her. I was slightly worried but I figured she was okay, or at least I was hoping she was.

      "Ahh shit! I'm down!" Tristan grabbed the bottle from the floor, "What the fuck were you doing?!" He said before taking a swig.
    "I'm trying man, I'm trying. Give me some slack here." I said, trying to redeem myself. "We're playing Black Ops half drunk, I'm a little impaired."

     "You're the last man standing, it's only round 5 and you're fucking up my score man!" Cris was throwing his hands around in the air in all kinds of crazy directions, as if that would help me. "Get to the mystery box! What the fuck are you doing?!"
      There was an influx of zombies taking over my corner of the screen, I knew I wasn't going to make it. They seemed to be moving in all kinds of directions, it was hard to aim correctly.
    "Ahhh! Fuck!" Cris got up and snatched the controller from my hand. The dreaded screen of failure came onto the tv 'round 5' ThatxboyxCrisxGotxSkillzx, 3 kills. "You're done, I can't have you destroy my score any further."

      "Fine." I mumbled, pulling the bottle of tequila towards my way, taking one last swig before I stood up on my feet. It felt like I was swinging on a swing, going up as high in the air as I could. I looked over towards his bed, " I wanted to sleep anyways."
      "Then go to bed, all you had to do was say you were tired." Did he forget that he was the one who begged me to come over, without taking no for an answer?
      "Fuck you," I muttered, collapsing onto his bed. My phone glared in my face, making my eyes sore and even more heavy.
     "I love you too." Cris hollered to me, still shooting up zombies on the tv screen. "Yeah baby! Insta-Kill!" He was such a dork sometimes, it was kind of funny.
      I looked like a lost puppy on his bed, laying down looking at my phone. Forever waiting for that text. That text that said she was alive, that text that said she was okay, that text that said she still even wanted to talk to me, but it didn't come.

Update 6/27/15: 

Wowzers! I've been super lazy and *almost* forgot about my blog. :O Any-who, school is finished. Thank fucking god. :P I'm no longer stressed and going crazy out of my mind. I finally feel like I'm back to normal, I'm still very busy but I'm just learning to accept the fact that my life will always be busy no matter what I do... That's just life. :) I guess I'll update soon, I wrote the next chapter, I just haven't gotten any pics yet... Dx 

Chapter 32: The Black Vortex

It was official, my period had taken control of my life. It clung onto my legs and manipulated every step I took. My lefts felt like rights, and my rights felt like lefts. It was so awkward to walk around and worry about whether or not the back of my pants looked like the Japanese flag.
If anyone knew how much crap I had brung with me, they would probably say that I was over prepared, but it was better than having an accident.
Creeench. My locker whined from being plummeted in the face by my sneaker. I pulsed my foot up and down as if I were listening to some song. A random rhythm was moving through my toes, I didn't know what rhythm it was but it was kind of just something I randomly pulled out of nowhere.
My stomach hurt pretty fucking bad, and I just wanted to get the hell out of here. It hurt so bad to stand, I wanted to curl up into fetal position and just rock myself back and forth on my bed. It was even more uncomfortable pretending to not be in pain.

     Everyone was talking, but it was hard to tell what they were talking about. "Can you believe she's..." Some random girl whispered and she looked over at me with fear in her eyes. My eyes drifted towards her cheer leading uniform, and I felt my eyebrows droop inwards, towards my nose. All of a sudden she quickly turned around with her friend, acting as if she wasn't just looking my way but they were still deep in conversation about whatever the hell they had been talking about.
      "Video Princess!" Some scrawny looking guy hollered from behind a cluster of people. He was nudging his way through the hallway like he was in a jungle, and the people were all those pesky tree branches that just got in the way.
      Not wanting to talk to another fan, I dashed around the corner with hopes that he wouldn't see me and I could get far away from him. There was nowhere to go though, the hallway was filled to the brim with students clustering around.
It was moments like these when I wished I had done all of those height exercises back when I was younger. Sure, they may have been a myth but honestly, who wouldn't want to at least be try and get tall if there was a possibility? I think anyone would.

      Inching up on my tip toes, I caught a glimpse of Casey. It looked like she was crying but some guy stood in front of me and blocked my view and my poor little toes could only hold my weight for so long.
He moved slightly to the left and I could see half of Casey's face. The apples of her cheeks looked like dark cherries; her mouth was hanging wide open and I could tell she was in shock. If only this damn guy would get out of my way, I could see a bit more!
"How many times do I have to tell you?!" David's voice was distinct, even when he was having a meltdown I still knew it was him. Not the guy I would like to recognize, but nonetheless still a guy I knew, even if he did have flaws. The tone of his voice was all rough and jagged, like switch blade. Part of me wanted to see his face, but the other part of me didn't.
People were crowding around and that was pretty immature but expected, and then again I couldn't blame them. I wanted to know what was going on too. There was this unspoken tension that lingered through the school these past few days and everyone felt it. Even Ms. Johnson felt it, and she never felt anything!

"I'm only trying to help you David! It's not just me- even your friends are worried about you." There was this gap in between her speech, and then the whining began. "You never tell me anything."
"You were talking to my friends about me?!" He questioned her, and she gave him no response. "You see that's your fucking problem, you get involved with personal shit I don't want you involved in, not even my own friends." The tall guy blocking my view looked around at his buddies standing beside him and I caught a glimpse of David pointing around at all the bystanders. "You really had to confront me about this in front of everyone? This is bullshit!"
"No David, it's not like that. Wait!" Casey pleaded, chasing after him through the crowds of people but David was gone like the wind, he stormed the hell out of there.

It hurt watching him leave like that, literally. Everyone turned around and nudged me in all the wrong places. "Hey, watch it!" I squalled.
David was gone but the loud commotion returned to fill up the dips between the empty sound waves he left behind. There was a sling of rumors going around, but no one really knew why he was so upset, not even Casey. Whatever David was so upset about was big, bigger than my chicken scratch comment. I wasn't in the clear, but I definitely wasn't in the red zone either.
I let out a sigh, wondering what could've possibly gotten him so upset. So upset to the point that he didn't want to talk to anyone. His dad was an asshole, but David seemed pretty used to his asshole-ness, he seemed so numb to his dad's comments but maybe he really wasn't.
"Everybody clear the hall!" A security guard waved his hands around at us like we were pesky little flies buzzing around in his face. "Get to class!"

***

     Getting to class, was another issue all on its own. I was already late to 4 of my classes, my bathroom trips were adding up and it was annoying. It felt like I wasn't in control of my own life anymore, everything was just becoming more and more intense. 

    My chest felt like it might explode as I opened the door to my geometry class. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down but the feeling was still there-that feeling of cracking into a billion shards of glass.
    Mr.Huff had seen me stroll in there like a casual bandit. "Ms.Wiggins you're awfully late. Is there something I should know?" He asked.
      "I uh.. Had to handle something." I whispered. He probably thought I was lying, but I didn't think it was any of his business to know that I was on my period.
    "Okay Melody, don't let it become a habit. You can have a seat now." He stared me down, pointing his chalk coated finger at my seat but I didn't move. An awry impression casted over his face, he repeated himself again. "Melody, please have a seat."

      My lips wouldn't move, they only quivered. "Are you okay?" He asked, dropping his piece of chalk on the desk. Moving with the pace of a turtle, he walked over to me.
    I could only see the vision of a once perfect glass, broken and shattered into a million pieces. A glass being pushed down with so much pressure, until it- until it... Until it cr- "I can't do this anymore. Every thing is just too much!" My hot tears slid down my trembling cheeks. "It's just so much! I...I can't do this anymore!" My sobs were so uncontrollable and ugly, I couldn't stop them no matter how much I wanted to.
      "Alright, everyone get back to your work, there's nothing to see here!" Mr.Huff's mouth dropped open and his eyes roamed around the class. "Denver, could you please lead the class while I step outside for a moment?"
      "Of course." My eyes were pretty watery but I could still see him turn towards the class. "Alright guys, which problem do you want me to do on the board?" He asked the class.
"Come on Melody, let's go outside." Mr. Huff placed his hand on my back and walked me outside of the class.

It felt like he cared about me, it really did, but I still just couldn't say anything. I couldn't tell him what was going on with me, partly because I didn't know, and partly because I was ashamed. This was weird. I was crying like a little 5 year old and I was about to be 16 pretty soon, it was just straight up embarrassing.
"Please, can I please just go to the nurse? This is so humiliating..." I sniffled. There was just so much change going on in my life, too much change and time was moving so fast. It was scary to think about the future, because I wasn't even in control of my own life anymore. My life controlled me.
"Of course you can go to the nurse but there's nothing wrong with crying." He always seemed to be analyzing his students. "I know you've been dealing with a lot of change and I think you should talk to someone, you know I'm always here if you need to talk about anything." He pulled out a book of passes and scribbled on one, ripping it off and placing it in my hand before he rubbed my shoulder. "Don't worry about anything we did in class, if you have questions just come to me. Feel better."

"Why do you care so much?" I grabbed his wrist. "Even after I-" It hurt just to even think about it. He looked into my drenched eyes and I was sure he thought I was pitiful."I failed you." He believed in me and I had let him down.
He removed my hand from his wrist and scowled at me. "Oh Melody please stop being so gosh darn hard on yourself!" His warm smile lit up his green eyes even more. "You didn't fail me and you could never fail me. I consider it quite honorable of you to even try getting on the math team with how much stuff you have going on in your life right now."
I was shaking so hard and he put his hands on my shoulders, steadying me as best as he could. "What happened to the girl who was confident in herself and her answers? Where did she go?" He lifted my chin up and said the most important thing anyone could've ever said to me. "When winter-break comes around, I want you to find yourself... And bring a new and improved Melody back here to Lakewood, because this isn't you."

***

"Maureen, I need more q-tips." A grey haired lady called from behind the room in the back. The health office always smelled so sanitary yet sickly at the same time. Some guy in the back was stretched out on the wrong end of one of the beds just staring at his hand without moving a single limb. It was pretty unsettling, it was like he was trapped inside a daze with his fingers.
"And what's wrong with you today?" Clarissa asked, as she examined the look on my face.  Clarissa was one of the youngest nurses in this school, and she wasn't exactly kind. Her desk was cluttered with infinite amounts of paperwork that said height, weight, gender, age, and various other health related things on them. All the athletes had to update their physicals this time of year.
"I need to go home." I said softly. I had wiped away my tears before I came in here but my face was still red, judging from the mirror that was right behind her.
"Go home for what?! I can't just send students home without there being a valid reason!" Great, now I was going to have to deal with her grilling me before I could even get the fuck out of here.

"I uh- I'm dealing with some personal issues." I mumbled, with hopes that she would accept that answer.
But of course she didn't, she smirked and rolled her eyes at me. "I wasn't born yesterday sweetie. What's the matter is there a class that you're trying to get out of?" Her eyes narrowed down at me and I lost it.
"No! I'm on my friggin period! Now will you please call my guardian so I can leave this shit hole?!?" Flames of fury rippled through my eyes. If she wouldn't let me leave this place would look like Armageddon.
"Watch your mouth young lady! We have sanitary napkins in the back, you can't leave for that reason." She pointed towards the pink door in the back.
I placed my hands on the desk and looked her in the eye. "Listen, I'm trying to do this the proper way. Either way, I'm not fucking staying here so you can call my guardian for me or I can call him myself and tell him you won't let me leave because I feel like shit and I'm on my fucking period!" I screeched, totally blocking out everything else around me.
Ka-tut, the door closed and I turned around. Talk about an embarrassment, David was standing right behind me and I was sure he had heard it all. Fuck my life.
"Okay, listen... You're lucky I'm not writing you up for being so nasty to me like that. Have a seat in the corner while I call your guardian. You're lucky I understand that your hormones are out of whack, otherwise I wouldn't be so nice right now." So apparently she was being nice, yeah okay. *Sarcasm*

David was just standing there looking so nonchalant about everything, it kind of pissed me off. "Hi David, it's always great to see you!  Is something wrong?" Wow, she was such a a kiss-up. I noticed how her eyes completely lit up and glowed like a thousand candles were inside them when David was talking to her.
"Oh, no. I just wanted to leave early, I don't feel too good and I think it would be best if I just go home." He could've just drove off, he had his own car. Why the hell would he come here?!
She hesitated for a moment but still smiled weakly in his face. "David, you know I'm not allowed to let students leave without parental consent, I know you have a valid reason but-" She looked down at her finger nails.  "I'll still get in trouble, give me a second-" Did she seriously say he had a valid reason?! I said almost the exact same thing to her and she wasn't as easy going with me... She was playing favorites. Ugh, this school was so fucking annoying.
"Oh, that sucks. My parent's are gone for the rest of the week, they're in New York." He scratched his head before sighing, and facing his defeat. "You know what, just forget it. I don't want to get you in trouble... I guess I can stay the whole day."

"Oh no, no, no! I can handle this..." She looked around at everyone else in the room before opening a drawer in her desk and pulling out a piece of paper, she signed it very quickly and handed it over to him. "Here, take this and leave. Feel better, okay?"
He grinned, "Oh man, thanks! You're the best C-dog!" C-dog? I guess he came here a lot, what an asshole....Abusing the system just to get away with shit. Ugh I knew it wasn't fair but God dammit, he was DAVID RAKENSON for crying out loud... Of course he could get away with shit like this.

Before he walked out the door she called out to him again. "Oh, David wait!" She waved him back towards her. "I need your sheet from last week, and you need to update your physical... I thought you wanted to try out for water polo." Damn, they were like buddies. Did he tell her everything?
"Yeah, I'm still trying out." He smiled some more, "I have my sheets at home but I went to the doctor last week, I can have my doctor fax everything right over to you, including my updated physical." He winked at her and headed back towards the door.
"Oh David, you're the best. Have a nice day, and feel better!" She called out to him, getting out of her seat just to make sure he could see her waving goodbye to him. Her clothes were hideous for a 31 year old. I hoped to God I never dressed like that 16 years down the line.
My hormones really were all over the place, here I was getting angry over the fact that the nurse liked David. There really was no reason to be mad  because I liked him too, even when he completely ignored me.

***

"Are you gonna talk?" The whole car ride was full of nothing but silence, and now for some reason she wanted me to talk. Adrianne closed the front door and I watched her flip the gold lock to the left. My uncle was in the middle of a surgery so he couldn't come and get me. There was so much awkwardness between me and her.
When I walked into the house the overwhelming feeling of hurt ran to me and embraced me with open arms. Change was sitting on the couch, cracking open a beer, and my life was no where to be found even though it resided in this house.
I tried speaking to her but something didn't feel right inside of me, and it wasn't my period either. I hunched over, placing one hand on the wall and the other on my chest.
"Is everything okay?" She asked, hovering her hand around my shoulder as if were a ticking time bomb and she was afraid to touch me.
I shook my head, moving through the living room so I could avoid conversation with her. Was this what this kind of stuff felt like? Was this the feeling of death? I lurked around the living room, running my fingertips along the couch.
Something was wrong, I took a deep breath and it still felt like a shallow breath. My heart was a clock, ticking away in my chest. Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock... Fear inflated through my veins and they were going to burst any second. Death was coming for me and there was no where to go.

"Melody, you're scaring me now-" She was talking to me, actually talking to me instead of yelling at me. "I know we haven't gotten off on the right foot but I want to make things better. Talk to me please. Is something wrong?" She looked like an angel, all she needed was wings.
The bomb was about to explode... That was when I saw it, I saw the darkness... Everything was crumbling beneath me. The shaking of my body was so intense, I dropped to my knees and started weeping. "I'm dying! Help me please!" I screamed. It felt like a person was inside my body, squishing my lungs in their stony hands.
"WHAT?!" Adrianne rushed over towards me, her hair clumped together as if she had just taken a shower. "Melody what's going on get up right now!" She yelled.

"I can- " My sobs were so deep, and I could taste my tears as they ran into my mouth when I started shrieking. "I can't breathe!" I grabbed her by the back and wrenched her into me, but I was too forceful and she fell on top of me, she felt like a boulder. "HELP ME PLEASE!" My fingertips clenched into the silky skin on her back and she pulled away from me, wincing.
"You can breathe if you're talking, calm down!" She looked all around the room, and looked at her empty hands. "Melody, you need to calm down!" Her fingers locked around the roots of her hair and she pulled on it out of stress and frustration. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!?"
"I'm dying, I'm fucking dying! HELP ME PLEEEASE!" I wheezed, gasping for air as I felt my rib cage convulsing up through my body. I held my hand out, reaching towards her. I could almost feel her, she was there but she wasn't there either.... I was all alone.  "I CAN'T BREATHE, I CAN'T BREATHE! SOMEBODY HELP MEEEE!"

Chapter 31: Becoming a Butterfly

I'm already regretting posting this chapter but it is what it is... I tried to be tasteful about everything but there's different strokes for different folks. Some of you may be turned off by certain things so after a certain point there's another warning, where you can end the chapter before things get kind of awkward. :) Not gonna lie, this was hard to write about and I'm not even a guy... Lol I did my best though. ^_^

"Okay class, I'm going to run to the bathroom really quickly, stay quite and don't cheat, otherwise I will invalidate all of your test scores." Ms.Johnson was flailing her blood red pen around on our homework from last night, I had no idea how she managed to multi-task so much in one day. 

    When she got up she took the papers with her. I must admit, I imagined her sitting on the toilet grading papers, she was so strict and focused it was almost scary. Click, clack, click, clack. Her heels echoed through the hall and then suddenly the echoing faded, she was out of sight and out of ears reach.

      A small giggle wiggled between my lips and David noticed, asking me: "What's so funny?" 

      "Oh nothing." There was no way in hell I was telling him what was really on my mind, that would be too awkward.

     He smirked, leaning in slightly closer towards me. "It's not nice to keep jokes from your friends." He scolded.

      "Oh yeah? Well, do you know what's even ruder than that?" The whole class was talking by now, most of them were sharing answers and what not but I still whispered. 

      A tickle weened it's way along my cheek as I felt his warm breath graze against my face. "What?"

      Before I made a fool out of myself, mini melody held her arms out and caught me. "Letting your partner fail their test." I hushed, waiting for him to respond.

"You're not gonna fail." He slid his  notebook over to my side and peered over towards the door. For some reason, Ms.Johnson gave us specific notebooks she took the time to put tests in, it was weird but she claimed she 'saved paper' that way. "Help yourself, I'm not too sure about those last few questions though."

"Thank you so much." I sputtered my words out of my mouth like a machine gun, and proceeded to rush on, jotting down as much as I could. 5 was a, not b. 7 was b- Hey I got one right! 

The smells of a sugar rush zipped across my nose, bouncing off the desk as they ran straight through my nostrils again, I had to stop myself and look around.

I knew I wasn't going crazy, David slipped a roughly shaped, ruby colored piece of candy between his lips. "Someone has a sweet tooth." I snickered.

"Hey all star! Come over here!" Janelle hollered, from the back of the room.

Curvy and glistening under the light, a smile ran along his lips. "Yeah, I guess." He shrugged, and stood up. "I'm going to go talk to Janelle and the other people back there." 

A slight nod was all I gave to him, I had heard all about his little victory last night. Apparently, he stole the show during the game. Everyone, and I mean everyone as in everyone and their mother was talking about the game last night. It was kind of annoying because I really didn't understand all the sports terminology, let alone sports in general so it was like they were speaking Chinese. 

I looked back down at the paper, turning both of our notebooks to the next page and the sight was pretty monstrous. What the fuck was this... Hieroglyphics? I was wincing just trying to read his response, but I wrote down as much as I could understand. 

There was a graph on the very last page and his graph was pretty horrendous too. I turned his notebook to the front page and pushed it over towards his side of the desk, trying to figure the graph out on my own. The protozoa were incubated in Rumen fluid for 8 hours, please construct a graph based on the data given below, labeling the correct axis for each variable given. There were so many numbers, it looked impossible but I started counting up by 10's on the y-axis. 

Click, clack, click, clack. That haunting sound of her heels against the tile floors sent chills through the classroom. Everyone grabbed their papers and headed back to their seats, pretending that they had done nothing wrong while she had been gone.

It was kind of funny when David made his way back to his seat because it almost looked like he was trembling. Before I knew it, he reached into his bag and I caught a glimpse of a bright colored bag. He pulled out a Jolly Rancher and rolled it around in his mouth. It was pretty obvious he had a bag full of candy in his backpack, I guess he really was enjoying being done with football. He was like a sugar addict or something. His boredom was showing right through his stance as he hunched over.

"Alright class, I'm back." Ms.Johnson walked through the door and put the stacks of papers back on her desk. "There's only 5 minutes left in the period, you guys can start handing in your tests but I honestly would check it over again." She shook her head. "After grading your homework I can tell you guys need all the help you can get." Everyone was struck by her stern demeanor. "It's such a shame that I gave you guys 99 questions to do for homework and more than half of you bombed the assignment. You guys need to step it up." 

I was so focused on finishing that graph, studying my axis before I drew my best curved line. It was like I hit the mute button on a remote, because I could barely hear Ms.Johnson's bullshit speech about how we 'need to do better.' 

With a few light strokes, I had a nice curve that went through about most of the points. I put my pencil down, feeling somewhat accomplished but then I felt bad.

Without hesitating, I turned back to the second page and changed some of my answers. I didn't want to get too high of a score, I feared that she would question me especially since I had been bombing all the quizzes she gave. 

If I failed, that would suck and if I passed that would be awesome. I guess all I really could do was wait and find out. There really was no point in stressing over it, I sighed and closed the test. 

Brrrring! Just on time. Thank God this period of hell was over, now all I had to do was actually walk out of here and save my self from the burn of boredom.

"Alright, everyone hand in your notebooks or have your partner hand it in for you. I will see you all tomorrow and we can start talking about your Christmas break assignment."  Ms.Johnson was talking, still grading papers as she was doing so.

All I could think about was getting out of this place for Christmas break in 2 weeks but now this evil witch had the nerve to give us an assignment. Who did she think she was? Didn't she know that this was a time for families? Hell, did she even have a family? With a heart as hard as hers I was guessing she didn't.

"Gimme." David held his hand out towards me, motioning for me to give him my notebook.

I placed it in his hand and grabbed my pencil off the desk, thanking him again. "Good looks." I winked, hoping he would get the hint at what exactly I was thanking him for.

His smile indicated that he clearly understood what I meant. "No prob."

"David!" Ms.Johnson urged, "Let's go." We were the last ones in the classroom.

"I actually had to talk to you about something on the test." He walked over towards her desk and placed our notebooks on it.

Ms.Johnson looked up at me and eyed me up and down. "Carry on, this doesn't concern you Ms. Wiggings." She pointed her blood red pen towards the door and it made my blood boil. 

She was such a bitch, but I had to do as she said and walk out the classroom.

***

A few days later...

*If you're sensitive to feminine issues, you might want to end this chapter right here*

It had been 3 days since we took our test in Bio. 3 long days of tension, anticipation, and dread. The test results wouldn't be in until next Monday, the 14th and it was killing everyone.

I was laying on my bed, getting ready to go to sleep. Croy and Adrianne were going to an art show tonight. They actually weren't going to go because she was having pains again but she insisted that they went, so they did.

It was just me and Allyson but she still wasn't really talking to me. She was up in her room doing god knows what. I was starting to believe she was doing some weird ritual or something because she was quiet as fuck up there.

The window had little white frost coatings on it, and it only reminded me that winter was right around the corner. It was December 10th which meant there were only 10 days left until winter officially began, and 12 days left until our break started. We would be back in school by January 5th but at least it would be a 2 week vacation.

I turned on my left side,  squirming and moving my legs as if I were under water. "Owwww, ugh." Something didn't feel right inside of my body, there was a slight pain inside my stomach and I shot off the bed.

Maybe I wasn't eating enough? Oddly enough these past few days I actually had a desire to eat things. That still didn't mean I actually ate that much more though.

A nice gigantic bowl of strawberries was etched into my mind- Strawberries smothered in melted chocolate and topped with hazelnuts or better yet... Coconut flakes, mmmm.

I went up stairs into the kitchen, and pulled open the door to the refrigerator. We had a lot of stuff jam packed inside of our fridge, it kind of explained why Adrianne cooked such large portions.

My eyes veered around the little pockets and valleys created by the bundles of bread we had stuffed in there, it was like a god damn maze. Eventually, I found most of the fruit all the way at the bottom of the fridge. Grapes, kiwis, lemons, limes, oranges... Or tangerines? Or maybe they were grapefruits? Clementines? Mandarins? It was kind of funny how 5 citrus fruits resembled one another to a certain degree. I shook the thought out of my mind once I found the strawberries, they looked so rosy and ripe.

You don't need it. I examined the strawberries once more and then put them back in their place, grabbing a bottle of water instead. My craving had subsided and suddenly those strawberries seemed less enticing.

The stairs seemed lighter when I walked on them, it was like walking on a cloud. As I walked into my room, I felt the urge to use the bathroom, so I placed my bottle of water on my dresser and dawdled through my bathroom door.

Pulling my sweat pants down to my knees and doing the same with my underwear, I sat down on the toilet. My heart nearly exploded in my chest once my eyes deviated down towards my underwear. What the fuck?! 

They were stained. A maroon yet almost very dark copper colored stain was saturated within the cotton fibers of my underwear. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh shit!" I panicked, looking all around the bathroom as if there was actually something in there that would help me right now.

I knew about periods, but I still was scared out of my mind. I thought blood was supposed to be red, not whatever color this was... This stain just looked so scary and menacing like I would die any second if I sat there any longer. 

"ALLYSOOOOON!" I screeched from the top of my lungs, hoping that she wasn't sleeping or something. "Please come here!" I huffed. "It's important!"

I peered at it again, afraid to look... I was nearly 16 and it kind of was about time for me to get it... But was it really my period?

"Ugh, why are you being so God damn loud Melody?!" She nagged from behind the door.

I felt like an idiot. Me and Allyson didn't really know each other that well and I was about to ask her about something pretty personal. I remained silent, thinking of how she would react if I told her why I called her.

Allyson pounded on the bathroom door. "You made me get out of bed and now you have nothing to say?!" I knew she was on her last nerve when she said: "You better talk before I open the door." she threatened.

"No! You can't come in!" I looked down at my trembling knees. "I'm half naked!" I pleaded.

"Eww what the fuck?!" She mumbled something inaudible between the door. "I'm outta here."

"Allyson please! You can't go!" I whimpered, calling out her name in sheer desperation. If she walked away what was I going to do? "Allyson, I - I" I looked back down at the bloody mess between my legs. "I think I'm bleeding internally."

"Umm, what the hell." She stopped and took a breather. "What do you mean you think you're bleeding internally?"

"Well, there's blood in my underwear..." I murmured, already anticipating her scorching response. It was such a simple thing that seemed like common sense but I really was afraid, this was all new to me. It's one thing to hear about something from a million women all your life, but to actually experience it... Is a completely different thing.

Her laughter seemed to go on and on from the other side of the door, it was endless. "Melody, are you serious right now?!" She sounded like a clown from behind the door, I wanted to punch her in the face. "Mel, I'm pretty sure it's just your period...." She stalled and muttered something under her breath, which I couldn't hear. "You do know what that is right?" I could sense the slight worry in her voice now. "Never mind, just hold on okay... I'll be right back."

My mouth felt dry like a desert, and the sound of Alllyons's footsteps going up the stairs re-winded through my mind as if a song was playing.

This was real, my body was gripping me by the hair, dragging me into the part of life I knew nothing about and it didn't care if I was ready or not. I was no longer a girl, I was becoming a woman. The thought of being biologically mature was mysterious and it made me stoic.

Tap, tap, tap. My body was half way covered in a sheet of ice, I felt paralyzed. "Umm, I kind of have to come in, I have a lot of stuff in my hands... I promise I won't look." My thoughts had pulled me so deep into their vortex that I didn't even realize Allyson had returned.

With sudden instinct, my legs snapped shut and I covered my forbidden area with my hands, as if I were Eve in the Garden of Eden, covering the most sacred part of her body when God had found her. "Ermm, you can come in." I muttered.

Instead of walking in she opened the door, shielding one side of her face as she said: "Okay ummm yeah, this isn't gonna work. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do but you might want to duck your head." She stood by the door, still covering her face as she slung about twenty different boxes of feminie products onto the bathroom floor as if they were grenades.

I stared at them all, it was like I was a soldier standing in the middle of a battlefield. They all seemed to promise security... But which one was actually secure? The pad with wings that made it look like it could fly in the sky like an airplane? Or the tampon which looked like a bullet attached to a piece of string?

Allyson had the door half way closed before she spoke. "Are you okay? You're pretty quiet..."

"I'm just unsure of what to do right now." I admitted, glancing down at the... Mess in front of me, it looked like a scarlet massacre had taken place.

"Honestly, you should clean yourself up before actually doing anything... I know you hate your bathtub but it will help with the cramping if you're in pain."

I cringed at the thought of that. "I don't want to sit and bathe in a pool of my own blood! That's gross!"

She sighed, closing the door shut. "Your uhh.. 'love canal' closes up when your in water like that." This was probably one of the most awkward situations I'd ever experienced in my life, and I was going to spare Allyson from this moment too.

"Oh, okay..." I said, waiting for her to walk away.

"I'll be upstairs if you need me, alright?" She asked, as if she wasn't really bothered by anything that just happened.

"Okay..." I looked down at the floor before I mumbled: "Thanks."

A slight and faint chuckle came from the other end of the door. "No problem."

***

If there was anything I was actually learning about 'being a woman,' it was the fact that in one second a perfect pair of underwear could get ruined... Even your sweatpants.

After all was said and done, I felt somewhat better- uncomfortable, but better. The thought of me bleeding to death from the inside out had vanished from my mind, so that was a plus. My cramps were soothed by the warm water in the bathtub, but as soon as I got out the cramps careened their way right back into my stomach. I put on a dark pair of shorts and a long white shirt, feeling a rush between my legs as I stood up.

I stacked the endless boxes of feminine hygiene products that were scattered along the bathroom floor a few minutes ago, onto my towel rack. Allyson would have to wait, I was too distracted to try and give them back to her.

I headed upstairs, surprised to find Allyson sitting on the floor, watching tv. Bleep, bleep, bleep. Whatever she was watching definitely wasn't child friendly. "Hey!" She waved me towards the couch. The way her legs crossed over each other, and how she was leaning slightly towards her right side, reminded me of one person, Jess.

Sisters were supposed to be there for each other in moments like these, but I supposed that was out of the question now that we didn't live together. We were still in each others lives but so far away and disconnected from each other at the same time. 

Taking a seat on the couch, I looked at Allyson, smiling as best as I could. I was so unsure of what to say to her. "I'll give you all your stuff back, I don't feel like it right now though."

"Oh, no! You can keep it... I don't use that stuff anyways." She shrugged her shoulders, "I've moved onto the cup, it's so much better than that crap." Her smile grew wider. "I'm so glad those things will finally be of use to someone, between me and my mom... We don't use em'."

I knew nothing about womanly things. "The cup?" I asked, fiddling with my invisible leg hair, wondering why it was blonde even though the hair on my head wasn't. I was almost afraid of what she would say.

"Yeah, a menstrual cup... You uhh-" She looked around the room, "Put it ins-"

"Oh! Okay! I get it..." I said, trying not to make her finish her sentence.

She chuckled to herself, looking over at me from the corner of her eye. "You're so innocent." She turned to me and sighed. "It's okay though, there's no rush for you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. As long as you're comfortable that's all that matters." An image of utter terror ran across her face in a flash. "But if you decide to try using a tampon do not... And I MEAN IT- Do not leave it in for longer than 3 hours." She looked at me and raised her eyebrows, pointing her finger at me. "You could die."

"WHAT?!?!" I exclaimed, hoping she was joking.

All she did was shake her head at me in dismay. "TSS, look it up." She sighed as if I was annoying her. "Do you even know ANYTHING about your body? Do you even know what getting your period technically means?"

I remained silent, just looking at her with a blank stare on my face. My mother told Jessica everything about 'being a woman.' Hell, she even took her out to celebrate that very same day. A burning sensation was growing inside of me, I was always second best and I knew I always would be, I was always out of the loop, forever and always. "I've heard some things... Why?"

"Your mom never told you about those things...?" She was resistant, I could feel it but she still continued. "It's okay, my mom never really told me anything either. When she found out I got my period she said 'congratulations, don't do bad things...' I had to figure the rest out on my own." She groaned. "It took me 2 years to figure out exactly what she meant when she said 'bad things.'"

"Yeah, I can get pregnant now... I know that, big deal." I rolled my eyes, knowing that a pregnancy wasn't in my future anytime soon. "I'm not having sex for a long time so that's not an issue for me."

"Mel, having sex doesn't make anyone a bad person." She looked a little angered by my response. "Life happens, and love is unexpected." She froze for a moment, and her eyes seemed to wander off into the past. "Whether or not you keep your legs closed isn't the most important thing in life.... But leaving your heart wide open for someone is something everyone should wait on at this age because that's such a huge deal.... Abstinence doesn't always work for people, that's life , but love- that can wait." 

I looked at her and for the first time that was when I saw something in her that I never knew she had, and I wasn't even sure if she realized it herself. "You're going to be a great sister." I said,smiling as I thought about how she complained about Adrianne being pregnant. She may have resented Adrianne but I knew she wouldn't resent her little brother or sister.

She shook her head. "No,  I'm not sister material." She always said she wanted to be there for someone younger than her, yet here she was giving me advice and she thought she wasn't good enough to be a sister.

"Oh please, you totally could be a sister... There's no qualifications on what a sister is anyways." Me and my sister definitely were a good example of that.

Allyson started smirking and she snapped her fingers. "Hey, I guess we kind of are blood sisters now." She stuck her tongue out at me and it wasn't until I repeated it to myself that I actually understood what she meant.

"Okay, that's enough woman talk for the night." I rolled my eyes and started thinking about school. Ugh, did I really have to go back there?

"Yeah you're right, that's enough woman talk for the night... Tell me about 'Mr. Rich Guy.'" 

I lowered my eyes at her, knowing she was partly true even though I was going to deny her statement anyways. "He's not rich, he just has a successful family."

"Rich, successful family." She was practically counting with her fingers as she spoke. "Prep school, Nice house on the good side of town...." She rubbed the bottom of her chin and her eyes lit up. "Hmm, I'd say he's rich."

"Yeah, I agree but he gets angry when I make comments like that." I had no idea why we were talking about this but I didn't want to be talking about him with her. "It doesn't matter anyways, he hasn't been talking to me." I sighed, not because I was upset, but because he was so confusing.

Her smile slowly deflated and fell flat like all four of the tires on that Dodge Caravan she had out front. "What did you say?"

"Me?" I asked, pointing to myself in shock. "I know I have my moments, but I promise you it wasn't anything I did that made him start acting all funny."

She looked at me even more intensely, and that look was all it took for me to cave in and tell the truth.

"Okay, fine. I made a little comment about his handwriting and said he had 'chicken scratch' and he's been pretty distant since then but it's not just me... It's everyone else too."

The intensity of Allyson's gaze waned a little bit. "Well, you know what they say.... 'More money, more problems." 

"Huh?" I wasn't following.

"Most people with money have issues, money doesn't make people happy... Statistics do show that even some of the richest people out there are depressed or strung out on drugs." She furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't know why he would get so mad about a comment you made about his handwriting but don't sweat it... He'll get over it."

For some reason her words really stuck with me, David was kind of mysterious. I went to his house several times yet I still felt like there was something he wasn't telling me, there were things about him that still remained unknown to me, things I desperately wanted to know, but I didn't want to seem desperate either. "I hope so." I mumbled under my breath, even though I really was worried he wouldn't get over it. Something was up, I knew it from the way he acted distant and edgy when we did that lab together last week... Something was up and I wanted to know. That black cape that surrounded David was about to come off because, I wanted to see it all.