Chapter 38: Wandering minds (Part 2/2):
Long as hell but I didn't want to separate this chapter.
***The language gets pretty rough at the end.***
"This is nice right?" Allyson stepped from between the curtain in the dressing room, doing a little dance. "I'm too sexy for my shirt." She whispered, winking at her body in the spotted mirror. She was trying on a red pencil skirt and a few shirts but apparently she hadn't bothered to throw her shirt back on. It was only us and a few random girls in the dressing room and I knew they probably wouldn't give a shit about her neon bra that looked like a strobe light.
'The soul attracts that which it secretly harbours; that which it loves, and also that which it fears; it reaches the height of its cherished aspirations; it falls to the level of its unchastened desires,—and circumstances are the means by which the soul receives its own.' 'Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.'
I had to stop and think. The book was just so God damn thought provoking, it made sense why people declared it life changing. I wasn't sure if that would be the case for me though. The thing was damn near indoctrination.
"Hey!" I chucked the shirt right back at her. "Don't assault me!" I teased.
"Well what else am I supposed to do?" She pointed at my fingers. "You've been sitting around cradling that book to your chest this entire week. I thought you would be done reading it by now."
My smile was so sheepish, I almost looked like a little puppy. "It's just soooo good though." I closed the book, folding one of the end corners of the pages so I wouldn't lose track. "It's so deep...it's almost never-ending."
Allyson's smile was thin and flimsy. "Come on! I really need your help." She begged.
"Look at you and look at me." I shrugged, "Why the hell would you need my help?" I had on sweat pants and a plain black turtle neck sweater with a vest over it, I really cared about fashion. *Sarcasm*
I closed the book and put it inside my satchel, standing up to face her. "You look great. Your fashion sense is great. What more do you want me to say?"
"Tell me which one looks better!" She turned around, picking up two shirts.
I sighed, throwing my body slightly forward. "Oh, come on." I rubbed the sides of my forehead with my fingers. "If I randomly pick one can we go?"
It's hard to remember how it felt before, now I found the love of my life... I groaned inwardly and searched through my bag. My phone was in there just buzzing around like a little bumble bee.
"Hey...." The voice on the other end of the phone sounded so lethargic and vanquished.
"Ummm, what's up?" It was like all my nerves piqued.
"Mel!" She tiraded through the speakers. "I got into this big argument with mom just now, it was really bad." Her sigh was so deep. "She told me to get out."
It was hard for me to sympathize with Jess. I never understood our mother, and never really wanted to. "Damn... Well, where are you now? Are you home?"
She remained silent, and I pushed my ear even more forcefully into the phone.
"I'm somewhere with a person who cares about me." She admitted.
Let me guess... Collin, I thought to myself. "Are you wi-"
"Mel, where are you?" She grew even more confused. "Are you with Allyson?!"
"Yeah, we're shopping together. Why?" I looked around at all the clothes dangling over the dressing room stalls. "Do you want to meet us?"
"Never mind." She hung up.
I guess she could tell something was up just by looking at my face. “Let me pay for these.” She slung some clothes over her shoulder and approached me.
“Yeah. Let’s do that.” We headed for the checkout line and I caught a glimpse of us in the mirror, walking together.
She was talking about her clothing choices and I was just nodding and pretending to listen. All I was doing was watching her, observing, and taking her body language in by every second.
Her closeness towards me, her smile, everything from the way her eyebrows rested on her face let me know that she was comfortable with me. Once and for all. We were friends? Even if we weren’t we were still getting closer.
It was a picture of her and what seemed to be Roger? Younger- and a lot more careless. They were sitting on a dirt bike, her arms wrapped around his waist as she stuck out her tongue.
As much as it was her personal business, I couldn’t help but wonder about certain aspects of their relationship. She never really made it known that she was in fact seeing anyone. Maybe they had an open relationship? Fuck that, he was going into the service… There was no way.
Usually people in those kinds of relationships had strong bonds, and they waited on each other…. Until it was all over.
“Hey! In my defense it was only $247.87 in total AND it’s made of real leather.” She made a puppy dog face. “Luxury items make me weak, I have a soft spot in my heart for them.”
I shrugged. "Why?" Sometimes I felt like less of a woman. I didn't obsess over makeup and clothes like other girls, it was just one of those things I never really understood. "It's just clothes."
Allyson's eyes went agape??? "You know, it's kind of natural to me." She bit her lip, "Stocking up your wardrobe just feels good." Immediately she rolled her eyes. "Even though I can't afford half of this shit."
***
"Ah, shit!" Allyson slomped all her bags to the floor and I did the same. "We really outdid ourselves."
She had bags from American Eagle, Pacsun, Aerie, Aeropostale, Forever21, and Tilly's. They all had the same generic look to them: A blank back ground and fancy yet bold lettering.
"I honestly don't know if I feel like putting this all away right now." My hands were red and cramped from helping her carry these bags around practically all day.
Allyson's mouth flew open when she lifted her bags up and headed for the stairs. "These bags ain't gonna move themselves!"
"Need some help?" I asked, about to help her take them to her room.
"Nah. I'm good, you helped enough. Just drop em', I'll come back down and get em'. Thanks though." She kept tugging the bags all the way to the stairway.
Eventually I cracked the book open, my eyes skimmering along the page as I tried to find the spot I left off at.
'It's hard to remember how it felt before' Gwen Stefani was singing her little heart out over my phone speaker.
"Hello?" I answered the call and instantly regretted it.
"Hey! Sorry I hung up on you before." Jess sounded a lot better now. "Kizzy just stopped by and we're about to head out in a few hours. You're still coming right?"
Shit. The Party! I didn't even have a gift for her or anything, I felt like shit. Granted, I didn't want to go, but I still shunned myself for not getting her a gift. Time really knows how to sneak up on you.
"Mel? Ya there?" She questioned.
As if she knew I was going to right-wing her with an excuse she said, "Mel. You are coming, right?"
"Uhhh. Mhmm. Yep. I'm coming. I'll be at the door in 30 minutes mmmkay? Bye." I sounded like a motherfucking sales person on speed.
Don't get me wrong, I dreaded going to that party. At all costs... But she celebrated my birthday with me, for the first time.... In years! If I didn't go, she would've been upset.
Adrianne noticed me first when I skulked through the kitchen, pretending to look for something. She was nestled up under Croy, watching television. I didn't catch what they were watching but it looked boring and political. "Yes?" She acted like I wasn't allowed to be there. It sounded like she was questioning my presence.
I ignored her and set my gaze on Croy instead. "Can I go hang out with Jess?" I asked, fumbling with my dewy fingers. "I want to spend the night with some of her friends." I added.
He frowned and rubbed his chin. "Spend the night? It's a bit late..." He shrugged Adrianne off of him and got up. "Let me get my keys." He sighed, sounding a little peeved that I randomly just sprang this on him at the last minute.
Adrianne was cutting her eyes at me in all kinds of ways. "Hmm" She was reading me, I knew she was. She really was a mom, but definitely not 'mom of the year.' Considering the fact that my own mom wasn't too great of a mom, I could say that.
I nodded super-fast and thanked him. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow I guess." I tried to hint that I might not have been home at the expected hour.
He shrugged his shoulders. "It's not like you have school tomorrow. There's a spare key in the mailbox." Without taking his eyes off of me he said, "Don't do anything crazy. If you need anything, we're always one call away. Do you understand?"
"Of course."I matched the serious look on his face, before disappearing through the hall. "Alright, I'll get my bag together and then I'll be heading out. See ya' tomorrow!" I hollered. It was so relieving to stop talking to him. Every time Adrianne was around she made me feel-little. It was as if everything I did bothered her and she never wanted me around. Then again I can't really say it was just me, she acted the same way towards Allyson.
Stuffing everything inside my bag didn't take too long. I was moving like a mad man and then something made me stop.
For two weeks that crumpled and crinkled bag had been sitting in the corner of my room, collecting microscopic dust I probably hadn't even seen yet.
I straightened it out a little bit and pulled out that anomalous costume. With some alterations I could refine the costume and make it more in tune with my style. Modesty wasn't my main focus, but feeling comfortable was, and I wouldn't feel comfortable showing off that much skin.
I moved my hands feverishly like I was digging for gold back in the California Gold Rush. A cute little crop top was mixed in with all of my winter clothes. My dresser was honestly an atrocity, organization was needed. Desperately.
I grabbed the crop top and shoved it inside of my bag along with some white and blue polka dot socks. I figured: 'You can never pack to much.'
My bag was looking a little ridiculous, almost like an abused knapsack. It was probably stretching thread by thread, it felt like it was.
Ignoring my bag's plea for help, I walked back over to the corner and tried to neatly stuff the costume into my bag. Once I got it to fit in there, I closed the flap over the top of the bag, securing the latches on the side.
Jeans would've been perfect to throw on instead of trodding out there in my pajama pants. All my jeans had a weird fit on me though. I probably should've brought some jeans when I went shopping with Allyson earlier. It was too late now.
Once I walked out of my room I screamed: "I'm leaving now! Bye!" I didn't hesitate or wait for a response, I just walked out the door. Tuft.
Kids were whispering secrets to each other in the corners between buildings. Their laughter rang out into the air like a song.
With every step I took I felt the wind pass me by. From the cars and from the trees. The wind was like a natural hair dryer, my hair was whipping around in all directions and it was kind of hard to see where I was going.
The rocks scraped along the pavement and every once in a while I would crush them with my feet on accident. Some were so tiny they just kind of kicked along the sidewalk or got trapped up in the rubber bottoms of my boots.
There was such a dramatic shift in the mood as i walked along the streets. One section was the tired and worn out type, they worked for their money, and the other side was the sit back and kick my feet up type, they had other people work for them. It was sickening and fascinating at the same time.
You could just tell by the houses whether or not the person who owned that house had a bunch more somewhere else too.
The numbers 209 were on the mailbox and the front of the house. It was my house, our house and judging by the looks of it someone was home, so I wasn't too late. Jess always took a long time getting ready anyways.
The house was so much bigger than me, and for the first time I finally realized that.
My loose, pajama pants really revealed a lot about me. I belonged there. It burned me to think that way, yet I did.
Out of nowhere I was attacked by my worrisome thoughts. What if Jess wasn't even there. It had been about 20 minutes, but what if she wasn't there? What if my mother answered the door?
My heart was going to explode in my chest at any second. Blood would be all inside by body, my veins would be busted, my head would implode, and I would collapse on the ground. Okay. Yeah, I was totally over-exaggerating. But seriously, I could feel my pulse in all 10 of my fingers as I knocked on that door.
The idea of turning around and playing it off as a ding-dong ditch seemed like a great idea. But it was too late for me to run and hide.
As if she was expecting someone else to be at the door Jess said "Oh. HEY!" She continued to look around like maybe I had brung someone with me. She seemed a little perplexed that I was standing there in my baggy pajama pants, not even dressed.
I was stuck in la-la land though. My eyes were practically burning with bleach as I stared at Jessica's bright blonde hair. It was shocking but gratifying, it just felt right. That was the way that I was used to seeing her. Blonde and booming. Bright and beaming.
"Wow. You hair looks great." Now, I knew nothing about hair but I could tell she had gotten it professionally done. Either that or she had washed her hair 7,000 times with the most harshest shampoo she could find. It was literally flawless, every strand had a place. None of them were standing up, everything was sleek and laid down. Bone-straight.
"Thanks! Collin took me out to get it done! I love it!" She exclaimed. Her eyes were so full of joy, I'd never really seen her that happy. I mean, she always had seemed happy to me, but not that happy. On top of that she had an argument with my mother a few hours ago. What the fuck?
Jess led me up the stairs, her blonde hair swaying all around her shoulders in the most elegant way. She wasn't even dressed yet, so I knew we would be there a while.
Once we made it to the top step I realized that this was where I technically belonged. I didn't want to be there though. "I have to use the bathroom." I fibbed.
"Alright, I'll be in my room. The girls are waiting for you." She walked into her room, a swing of laughter and giggles snuck out of the door and once it closed there was silence again.
I wondered who was in there. Probably Kizzy and maybe Janelle? If- her and Janelle were speaking to each other again? Who knew.
I shut the bathroom door behind me with a gentle touch as I walked in. It felt like I was an invader. If I was caught someone would shoot me, call the cops, and chastise me. I kind of felt like shit. I felt guilty, even though I had done nothing wrong.... Or at least I didn't think I did.
My baby blue toothbrush was still sitting inside the holder. It looked so dry and dull, untouched and weary. Almost like an ancient bone, an artifact of some sort. The sink looked dry and clean, and it smelled like water. I looked into the mirror and then I quickly looked away, afraid of my reflection.
An overwhelming pang of hurt stabbed me in my gut and I clenched onto my stomach. The last time I saw myself in that mirror I looked so- youthful. Now I looked old and- and- Used? Not used but you know, put to work... I was like a book with a broken spine, I was like a brand new pair of shoes after a week or two. I was broken in-Broken into the harsh realities of life.
My hands were trembling as I gripped the door handle. I wished I could make them stop, but I couldn't. It took a lot more effort to twist and push that door open, but I did it.
When I saw my room I gasped. Nothing was changed, everything was the same. It was a little confusing, I thought they would've done away with my room, turned it into something different, like a study room or something.
My old beat up and disheveled drawer was still in the corner. Most importantly my bed was still open. Un-made, messy, and slept in, just the way I left it. For some reason it felt so wrong, just looking at it like that made me want to do something. I wanted to fix it.
I walked up to the edge of my bed, put my hands underneath it and lifted with all my might. "Ugh!" I grunted, pushing it up with all my force. The hardest part was getting it past my shoulders. It was like it kept pushing me down every time I tried to lug it over. It was massive and I was so weak. My knuckles turned white with every push.You can do it! Keep lifting! "Uh-grah!" I finally got it over a little bit, and with one swift motion, I put my left foot behind me and stabled myself. I had to get this fucking thing over, I just had too. With all my strength I put all the weight on my right leg, pushing and pushing away. Finally, I pushed it forward, slamming it shut. Boom!
Catching my breath, I took a step back and looked at the room now. It was more open, less crammed. It looked better this way. Something just felt right about closing the bed. I walked back over to it, leaned my head against it and breathed some more. It was done. I finished it.
"I dropped something in my bag." I pointed towards my big poofy looking knapsack. "I really over stuffed it." I laughed nervously.
"Oh." Her eyes lit up, I swear she was so freaking bubbly. "Alright!"
"Hey! There you are, I almost thought you left!" My sister called out to me. Her back was facing me, her eyes were squinted and she was so engrossed in her mirror. The mascara wand she was dangling over her eyelashes was clumped with black goopy pigments. "You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm cool." I looked around the room of half-dressed girls.It was me, Jess, Kizzy, and Casey there. I guess they were expecting me to get dressed. I wasn't sure, so I just kind of stood there.
"Good." She turned her face to Casey who was sitting at the edge of her bed. "This is good right?"
"It's bedazzling." She cheered, handing off a bunch of makeup supplies to her. "Here, take them." She moved over on the center of the bed, patting the seats beside her. "Come, sit with me you guys." She crossed her legs Indian style, and let out this rugged sigh.
"Okay so. Wow. I forgot where I left off." Casey said, looking frustrated and annoyed. Her fingers toyed with the bed sheets, picking at the threads in every seam.
"You said something about New York." My sister sounded so careless when she said that. All she cared about was her hair and her makeup, yet she pretended to be engaged in the conversation. "Keep telling me the story." She smoothed down her hair, spritzing some hairspray on it.
"It's not a story!" She retorted, rustling up her wispy hair. She had curls for days, it was slightly impressive. "It's just been an accumulation of things! Like the day he got back from New York... What did I get? NOTHING! Not a text, not a call, not even a fucking postcard." Her eyes were filled with a substance that looked like tears, but it was actually gasoline. At any minute she could've bursted into flames. I didn't want to see it. "He got all bitchy with me today when I came over, he said 'maybe we should take a break but this time, for good.' "
I cringed slightly because I was part of the problem, and slightly because they were being so typical. Talking about their relationships, getting dolled up, you know that kind of girl stuff. Maybe I was just weird, but I didn't really get it. It was like Jess was waiting for me or Kizzy to jump in and say something, but I didn't. Kizzy was just sitting there looking doe-eyed.
Casey looked at me and said. "I'm not desperate." She looked back at the comforter, playing around with it some more. "I just told him if that's what he wants then, we can be done. I don't want to force him to be with me." She was clearly upset about it, I don't know why she lied.
"But you guys have so much history together." Kizzy comforted her, rubbing her on the back. "You'll get back together again, like the 10,000 other times." She jokingly tried to soothe her, but Casey kept looking at the comforter.
"Wow. That's pathetic." Jess got this evil little grin on her face, the kind she used to put on her face when we were getting into trouble around the house when we were young. "You know, Collin has a bunch of friends if you want to meet them. They're coming to the party tonight, you should talk to them. They'll take your mind off of things and who knows? Maybe something will come out of it?"
It seemed like Casey hesitated for a moment but she finally rolled her eyes and said. "What the heck? I might as well." She looked down at her finger nails. "It's not like me and David are still together anymore. He called it off, not me."
They all yipped and cheered, talking about how jealous he would be if he saw her with another guy, particularly an older guy. I didn't really get it. Maybe I was weird, but I just didn't get it.
David didn't seem like the jealous type to me. I mean yeah, he might get jealous but, he was pretty fucking insightful. He knew realness from fakeness. It was obvious Casey still liked him, she wanted to make things work, she was clearly upset. So why not just fix it?
I felt so odd sitting there, knowing that I was the reason. I was the problem. I was that pesky little variable in an equation. The only way the problem would be solved was if I moved myself to the other end of the equation, isolating myself from the rest of the other variables. Lonesome old x.
Not a word had escaped from my mouth the whole time, I just listened to them, growing more and more anxious by the minute. I fake coughed, trying to make myself yelp. "I need some water. I'll be back." I excused myself from the discussion and got off the bed.
They all turned back to face me, looking a little confused. "Okay, alright." My sister said, waving me off as she delved back into the conversation. "So what were you saying?"
As I walked down the stairs, I felt myself grow more and more guilty. I felt like I was in court, being scrutinized. It was so hard to explain. I didn't feel guilty, even though I knew what I technically had done was wrong. I went down each step, contemplating exactly how I would go through it. The steps creaked with every step of my foot.
Delete his number. Don't respond to his texts or calls. If he tries to talk to you in person, explain to him why you won't be talking to him any longer. Give him back his record player. Tell him he's never really been of interest to you anyway. I got to the last step and my foot finally reached the wooden floor. Forget that it all ever happened.
Realization hit me when I was down on the first floor. What the hell had happened to me?! I hated David. I always thought he was this self-absorbed asshole. I never found him attractive. When did it all change, and how did I let it all change? Shame on me, and shame on him.
I sauntered through the kitchen, to get some water, and partly to look around more. As I was doing that I took my phone out, proceeding with step one. Deleting his number.
Scrolling through my contact list, I got to the letter D, found David's name, swiped it to the right, and pressed delete. His name quickly vanished from my phone and I felt some relief. This was the right thing to do. I had to do this. This was the first step to getting my life back on track.
"Hey! What's up kid?" A low grimey, monotone voice shook the fucking life out of me. I jumped up, nearly dropping my phone out of my hands. I had been walking and using my phone, not really paying attention to what was around me.
In front of me was a man, a nasty, repulsive looking- young man. He had to be in his 20's. His nipples were nearly rooted within his chest hair, I could barely see them. His shorts were cut extra low, revealing a little more hair I didn't want to see. It was like he tried to wax and it went wrong. Why would a guy wax around that area though. Who knows what happened, but it looked horrendous. He traced his fingers over his hair, obviously trying to look sexy. "Sup?"
I wanted to vomit. It was as if someone coated him with sweat, he was glistening, his hair didn't even look washed. There was no doubt in my mind that he hadn't taken a shower. He had this look in his eyes, the look of lust, but not towards me if that makes sense.
I ignored his superficial greeting. "Who are you?" A tightness in my throat made me feel like I was running short on air. Fucking anxiety.
He had one of those silly 'Man-buns,' tracing his hands over his oil coated strands of hair. They didn't even flow, they just kind of clumped together with a great stiffness. He probably had a bunch of gel in his hair. "You must be Olivia's other daughter, right?" He came over to me, holding his hand out.
Like a rabbit in fear, I jumped back. "Oh, please! Don't." I recoiled, he looked sooooo fucking disgusting. It was weird to hear my mother's first name like that.
Out of nowhere my mother trudged through the kitchen, her feet practically dragging across the floor. "Mmm. Hey baby!" She walked up to him, oblivious to the fact that I was even there.
They started kissing, his hands explored her body, and he pushed her against the counter. She grabbed him by his backside and pushed him in closer to her. They both looked so disgusting. My mom's hair was greasy and heavy-looking. She was wearing a robe, and her makeup was slightly faded. I could tell she had been dolled-up prior to whatever the hell they did.
"MOM! I'm right here! Oh my fucking God, you're disgusting!" I wasn't about to sit there and watch them conceive another child right in the fucking kitchen. If I wasn't down there, the girls would've been down here. Either way it wouldn't have been pretty.
"Ugh! What do you want? Why are you here?" She asked, breaking away from the Douchelord. She reached up into the cabinets, pulled out a frying pan and clanked it on the stove. "Babe, can you make us some eggs?" She cooed.
He nodded, getting out a stick of butter, before smiling at me and getting some eggs from the fridge.
"Mom. I'm not here to see you, I'm just with Jess." I looked down at my feet, feeling so small. Things were so awkward. All this time I feared talking to her again, but seeing how much she was regressing made me feel less proper about it. I didn't have to be formal. I didn't have to say I loved her. Quite frankly, I didn't have to say shit.
"Well then why are you down here?" She asked, directing her eyes at Douchelord who was rolling half of a brand new stick of butter around in the pan. He cracked 2 eggs and watched them slop into the puddle of fat that was now bubbling and making noises.
"Hey. Come on, take it easy on the kid! I'm kinda' glad to meet her!" His back was facing me yet he was still trying to talk to me.
I hated how he called me kid. Not only was it informal, it just sounded wrong. Fucking greasy son of a bitch.
The slow and constant sssssss sound of the pan made me think of snakes. Big snakes slithering towards their prey.
"Liv told me you're pretty brainy." Brainy?! Was he fucking for real? And since when was my mom's nickname Liv? Back in the day everyone called her Olive, that was her nickname... Not 'Liv." My fath- You know what I mean... That guy used to call her his "little Olive," when they used to be in love... But those days were long gone.
"I'm guessing you're trying to say I'm smart?" I asked, trying to make him see how dumb he had sounded.
"Yeah, Liv said you're like at the top of your class or some shit like that. That's great!" Fucking faker. I wanted to take that frying pan and throw it at him, hot and searing. I hoped the eggs burned to his fucking flesh, maybe then he would be able to get rid of some of that nasty fucking chest hair. Ugh.
"I guess." I shrugged my shoulders and caught my mother looking at me. A feeling of empowerment rushed through my veins. What was there to fear? Being cursed out by my mom?
He turned around to face us both, smiling. "The eggs are done. Do you want some Melanie?"
My eyebrows arched inwards. "It's Melody." I corrected him.
"Excuse her, hun. She doesn't want any anyways. She's a vegetarian, you know I told you about how picky she was." My mom threw her hand up at me. "The eggs look perfect, thanks babe!"
I crossed my arms, silently harboring over what she had said, I stood there growing more and more tense by the second. 'You know I told you about how picky she was.' She said it as if I didn't exist anymore, as if I was dead. It didn't matter anyways, I didn't want to eat their high-cholesterol ridden eggs.
Douchelord pinched a piece of the egg off with his fingers, and hovered it around her mouth. "Here."
She dropped her mouth open and ate the egg. "Mmmmm" She hummed, trying to be overly sexy. Her lips were glimmering and greasy. Without delaying, she grabbed his hand, and sucked his finger.
"MOM!" They were so pathetic. "SERIOUSLY?!" I was fuming. She was acting like a 21 year old even though she was 37.
Finally Douchelord got the hint and stopped her. "You know what? I really need a smoke. I'll be outside. He rubbed his filthy hands on his grimy looking jeans. Ugh nasty bastard." He turned to me before leaving us alone. "It was nice meeting ya' kid!"
Once he left my mother looked at me up and down. "Well?"
"I have nothing to say to you." I replied simply. I was in shock, I couldn't believe her. All I could do was shake my head.
She rolled her eyes, glowering at me. "What are you shaking your head for!? You're such a fucking kid, you know that? Grow up."
I gasped, the irony was unbelievable. "I'm not an adult, I'm only 16. How do you expect me to act?"
"I expect you to act like a mature young lady, it doesn't matter if you're not an adult." She placed her arms out wide. "When you step foot in this house I still expect a certain level of respect from you even though you don't live here anymore, that includes, respecting my boyfriend too."
Out of instinct I said. "I'm never here anyways so don't get too crazy. It's not like I'll be visiting you every other day. I'm only here because of Jess." I leaned forward, peering at the shirtless Douchelord standing on our lawn, smoking a nasty tar-filled cigarette. I pointed at him and said, "And just so you know, he's way too young for you."
"I didn't ask you for your thoughts, Melody." She pointed at me like she wanted to stab me with her finger. "You know that's just like you- you're so judgmental. Grow up." She grimaced as she looked down at me, scoffing at my sweat pants. "The least you could do is dress nice. You look like the beggar man's daughter."
"Looks aren't everything, mom, and you technically just contradicted yourself right now." I directed my eyes towards Douchelord outside. Most women probably drooled over him, but the guy had a rock-brain. Not only that but what the hell could he offer her? Nothing.
"I have better shit to do than to stand here and argue with my overly-sensitive daughter. I don't want to sit here and hear you cry so can we end this? Me and Rick have plans."
"Overly sensitive?! I am not overly-sensitive!" I got closer to her. "It's not my fucking fault I had a shitty mother like you who always judged me and tried to change me instead of accepting me!"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh no! Here we go..." She shrugged her shoulders and gasped. "Accepting you for what? Your intelligence?!" She clapped her hands in my face. "Sweetie, brains can take you far, but beauty still matters. No guy wants to walk around with a potato sack." She pointed to herself now. "I was only trying to help you, but you took my advice too harshly. You think I wanted to see you like that?"
I just listened to her, completely astonished by her delusions. She had no idea how she had affected me. Words hurt, just as much as being shot. They could be just as fatal as being shot in the heart. The pain was the same, yet not many people realized that.
"I wanted you to have a boyfriend, and lots of friends, not be a damn loner. And NO I didn't just target you. I did the same to your sister, and I still do. I give her criticism all the time and look how she turned out? PERFECT! It's not my fault you were overly-sensitive. You need to work on that...." She leaned against the counter, trying to sound all philosophical. "You know there's a thing called tough-love. The truth hurts, and that's why it hurts you when I say those things." She shrugged. "But nope. You want to live with Croy because he makes you have a false sense of confidence about yourself.... Go ahead. You won't make it very far though. You're just like your father... So traditional and stubborn as hell, you can never take advice and that will lead to your downfall." She lowered her eyes on me, squinting. "You think the problem is other people, but the problem is really you. You cause all of your mess."
Not many words came to my mind at that moment. There was so much to say, and so much to be addressed but nothing would cover it all. The only thing that would suffice was an impolite, quiet murmur. "Fuck you."
"What's going on down here?" Jess was standing there in the entrance to the kitchen. She looked so shocked, and hurt.
I was embarrassed as hell. "Can we just go?" I mumbled, rolling my eyes as I tried to force back a few tears. I didn't want to seem weak. If I could just hold back these tears until she was away, I would be okay.
"Nothing. Nothing was going on. Now you go to your little party and enjoy your birthday." My mom glanced over at me, freezing me with her devious glare. She ran up to Jess and squeezed her. I know Jess wasn't expecting her bullshit hug. I sure as hell wasn't. She was so fake. Weren't they arguing before? What the fuck, again. "Oh my gosh you are just so gosh darn pretty! Gorgeous! Stunning! Marvelous! Perfect! Perfection! Ugh! Words can't even describe it! Have a good night and don't rush to come home!" When she doted over her, her back was facing me the whole time. I guess that was her subliminal 'fuck you too.' I didn't even look at her though, I just rolled my eyes. What a picture-perfect moment.
