Chapter 19: Summer Wine Part 2/3:

BRIEF  NUDITY

Standing there watching our Jet skii's float above the water at the dock felt like an eternity. Back and forth they went and time moved on, if only I had a time machine. 

I sighed as we stood there on the dock looking at the water, knowing this wouldn't last forever. "Why are you so upset ?" She asked me and then she came closer to me and whispered  something feverish into my ear. "No, we can't do that!" I objected fiercely but she laughed and said  "Come on! It's just us here...We're all alone, who would see?" She stopped leaning on me and stood in front of me, "I probably won't see you for a while after this so...Let's just have fun" she said that and then she did the unthinkable. 

I couldn't believe my eyes, she was without a doubt beautiful but yet I was still so astonished with the way she looked in front of me. Plop, her clothes hit the floor and she grinned, raising her eyebrow. "See it's not that hard, come on" I hated to admit it but, she kind of was right, there really wasn't anyone here but us. My eyes kept gazing upon her and her entirety, this felt like a dream. 

The wind was brushing up against my now bare body, and a pile of clothes was the only thing left on the platform. "Hurry up!" Abigail shouted out to me while her voice trembled from every hard step she took as she darted out towards the beach. The sand swallowed my feet and sunk into my toes as  I followed behind her and could hear the sand flying everywhere because we were running so fast. 

Endless laughter escaped from both of our mouths. The waves were so strong we nearly got pulled into the ocean. "You better not drop me!" She screeched, desperately holding onto my arms, trying to get away from me. "You're going to drop me, I just know it already- put me down!" 

She wasn't getting away that easy, I lifted her up even higher into the air and she wrapped her legs around me, still holding on to me tightly. Her fingers were nearly puncturing into the skin my shoulders. The water splashed everywhere and Abigail's eyes widened when she looked down at the water surrounding us. "You've got to be out of your mind!" She squealed and I pulled her closer to me, and groaned as if she were too heavy for me to hold her. "You have five seconds to put me down or else-" 

Sploosh! I let go of her but kept my arms around her just in case she lost her balance. She fell straight through my arms and landed on her feet, the water shifted around from her sudden drop and she gasped. We both looked down at eachother, we were so close to eachother and I could feel her breath against my lips as she breathed in and out furiously. Was this finally going to happen or was this all just a moment like all the other times? She pushed her face closer to mine and our lips were nearly centimeters apart. We both kept our eyes open, and I was unsure of what to do. Did she want to kiss me or not? Abigail had known me for such a long time and it was obvious how she felt for me yet nothing actually changed. She looked into my eyes and gave me a half smile. 

She tugged herself away from me but I still stood there in the ocean holding her, wanting more. I could feel myself getting warm inside, she really knew how to make me feel embarrassed. "No Denver, No...I feel uneasy, I feel lightheaded" She always left me wanting more even though she pretty much teased me all the time, showing me what I could have but yet she never let me have it. I sighed a little, I respected her feelings but she was confusing me and it was starting to frustrate me. It was always something and I wasn't exactly sure if she really did feel lightheaded or if she just didn't want to be with me. I've known her for years, and I was tired of these cat and mouse games she played with me, this wasn't Tom and Jerry, she was playing with my heart and my mind and it needed to stop. 

The water swayed back and forth as she made her way back to the shore. I followed closely behind her to make sure she wouldn't fall or anything. Every step I took felt restricting, the waves were blustery and violent. She stood there in the sand, looking at me with an empty look on her face and, I knew I had to end this now, for good. "I don't understand you Abb, you know how I feel about you and you say you feel the same wa-" My voice got caught in my throat and I hesitated for a second. "You know what maybe that's it...You don't feel the same way that I do for you, there's always an excuse you have to come up with, why do you insist on playing with my emotions? Is there another guy, if there is just let me know instead of leading me on like a dumb ass" I was trying so hard to stay patient with her but it was getting old, I couldn't wait anymore. Abigail didn't respond to me and I got my answer. "Look, we can be friends, I can't just erase you from my life...You've been there for me through some of the darkest times of my life okay and I still want you in my life, I need you in my life whether we're just friends or something more, I just can't do this anymore Abbs, I'm sorry" 

Abigail looked at me like she was about to cry and then I started feeling like a dick. Maybe I was over reacting and being selfish, maybe I was going too fast for her. She was the one that thought it would be a good idea to get naked so there was no way I could've been moving too fast, she was confusing me to no end. "Denver, there's no one else but you... You just don't understand okay." She sighed and looked up at the stars, holding back her tears. "Look, I've got alot going on in my life right now and sometimes I just don't know what to do...I'm sorry I'm confusing you but that was never my intentions, I missed you, I truly did okay but things are all messed up right now, maybe later on in life you will understand...I don't want to hurt you, if we got together you would only end up hurt....You'll thank me later" I knew she was expecting me to say something after that, but I didn't. I was way too tired of it all, she ruined what was supposed to be a good day and she repeated her self like always, saying 'I would understand later', I didn't have time to wait later, I had to live my life. "Look, I have to get back to California okay...My flight leaves tomorrow morning, I'll text you, hopefully you will come to the airport before I leave..." That was the last thing she said to me while she stood there looking at me hopelessly and before she walked out of my life yet again, I felt so alone all the God damn time and I was tired of it. I didn't know what she was talking about but maybe she was right, I only got upset everytime she came to see me so maybe this was for the best. 

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"Home, sweet home" I said to myself while shutting the trunk and strapping my guitar on my back. I shut the car door and my legs felt frozen, my gaze was focused on the sunroof but I wasn't actually looking at it. I was in a whole new world, caught up in my own thoughts. I had been driving around for a while before I came home,and I knew it was pretty late but I was stalling, I did something pretty stupid after Abigail left the beach.  I didn't want to go inside the house, everything was always the same. I always carried the weight of my family on my shoulders, there was always something going on and sometimes I just wanted to catch a break. 

I swear my dad was a security guard in a past life because he sure knew how to act like one. "Denver Joseph Costa, where the hell have you been? I've been calling you the past 3 hours and you didn't even answer your phone" I didn't even step into the living room, I had put my guitar on the floor in the entrance and he was already asking me questions.

My patience was growing thin, with everyone. I hated feeling so lonely all the time yet all I wanted to do was be alone right now. I sighed to myself and closed my eyes, irritated. "Dad, Abigail came here to visit me, we went to a competition together and things just didn't go well okay and I ended up throwing my phone into the ocean...I know it was dumb but I can't take it back, alright" 

Of all the things my father could've said he said the most unexpected thing I thought he would. "Denver, what the hell is wrong with you?" He was right, what was wrong with me? I let a girl control my life for nearly 3 years and she wasn't even around that much, I was fucking stupid. "How many times do I have to tell you to forget about that silly girl? She's just as confused as you, and everytime you're around her she brings you down..Why do you do that to yourself?" 

I lost it, right then and there, I didn't have the answer to everything, I was trying to let life lead my way but clearly that wasn't working. "I don't know, I don't know! I DON'T FUCKING KNOW DAD! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE...SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO GO CRAZY! I HAVE NO FRIENDS HERE, I HAVE NOTHING! EVERYONE FUCKING HATES ME BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING DO!" I took a second to breathe, I was way beyond the point of cooling down. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT THE ONE PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT ME AND TRUSTS ME IS ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE FUCKING COUNTRY! I CAN'T HELP THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT HER, I CAN'T JUST STOP BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO I SHARED SO MANY DARK TIMES WITH, I CANT DAD! I JUST CAN'T!" I hesitated on whether I should say the next thing I wanted to say but I figured it didn't really matter anyways. "THAT WOULD BE LIKE ME ASKING YOU TO FORGET ABOUT MOM AND MOVE ON...BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME DOING THAT NOW, DO YOU?!?!?!" I was shaking, I just had to let it out, I couldn't be a prisoner to my mind anymore. 

My dad's eyes widened at that last sentence. "Denver, calm down okay I know it's not easy alright...Just please calm down,  we can talk about this- we can talk okay" My dad put his hands out to me, he was at a loss for words and he just looked at me. 

I walked around the room, pacing back and forth until I collapsed into the chair by the counter. I wasn't the type of person to get angry, if anything I was more sad than anything. I covered my face with my hands and just sat there, I could hear my dad walk over to me. "I don't know what to do anymore, can I please just go back to  California...Dad if there's anything you could do that would make me happy, that would be it...Please, please, please just let me go..." I begged my dad, Florida just wasn't the place for me and I wasn't sure how much scrutiny I could take. 

"Denver you know I can't do that-I can't relive that chapter in my life all over again....Not after everything that happened to our family and your mom, she would want you close to us,  you know that" I sighed, and slumped over even more sometimes I really wasn't sure whether or not my dad listened to me. "I know how you feel-" 

"Dad please don't say you know how I feel because you don't... I can't even show my face, I can't even be happy, people always make me feel like shit, people always call me a rapist, do you know what it's like living a life where people constantly accuse you of RAPE? I can't even get a girlfriend without someone's parent's getting suspicious...I got all these fucking tattoos because, I was so depressed and fucked up and I just, I just- I just scare people away...I can't even find a friend, well at least a true one" 

My dad sighed and I knew he knew I was right, he couldn't deny it. "You know what Denver, maybe I don't know how you feel but I do know one thing...You should be happy" 

We kept talking for a while and I told him everything, he didn't really have much to say except for stuff he had already told me before. I told him about Melody and Abigail and he got all mad at me for pretty much being a prick. "I raised you better than that, you never call a woman a bitch, you know maybe that girl was rude but you need to be the better person Denver, you know that's why you're so sad all the time because you mope around in your sorrow...You can change things, be the better person and show everyone who you TRULY are" He angered me, for a second but he was kind of right in a way, I just wasn't the kind of person who felt like I needed to prove my innocence to everyone.  

I zoned out and my dad started rambling on and on about my sister and her issues. "She's dating a guy that sells drugs! I- I thought she was a lesbian...Denver, you have to talk to her, you're the only one that can get through to her." I couldn't think straight these days and that was why. I was a therapist for everyone in my family, I was always keeping everyone together, I was the peacemaker and everytime something crashed and burned everyone looked to me and it was stressful as hell because my life was fucked up on its own. Even though I loved my family, I had to worry about myself sometimes, not other people. 

Why was I here if people only used me as there 'cheer me up' button or something. California was like an annoying, stalker, psychotic girl friend and it  had been calling me back ever since the day I left  and although I had my ups and downs there I still wanted to go back so God damned bad, at least I had someone who would listen to me. It was so tempting to just pack my bags and leave every single day, but I didn't want to disappoint my dad even though he did get to me sometimes. "Well, I guess I'll try and talk to her but I can't promise you anything...After all, I'm not exactly in the best mood" I said to my father before we were interrupted. 

"She's not a lesbian dad, she's bi-sexual" Jaynie said while smiling mischievously at my father. "She only said that so you would stop getting suspicious about the guys she brings over" 

"My little blue Jay, you're too young to understand that...Are you sure you even know what a bi-sexual is?" My father sighed and looked at her intently "I really wish your sister would stop corrupting you" He said to her.

Jaynie laughed at my dad, she was so diabolical sometimes. "Dad, I may be 12 but I know that a bi-sexual is someone who likes both guys and girls and would you stop calling my blue Jay...You're making me want to dye my hair again" Jaynie had a big mouth and sometimes she didn't know when to stop. "You know, Deanna tells me alot of things, sisters are close like that , ya know?" She said to my father, and I knew she was pushing it, and my father was going to put her in her place but she still kept going. "Last week I was playing with my barbies in Denver's room and I opened these things on his dresser that I initially thought were balloons but they were all wet, and Deanna told me they were really con-" 

Screech, I jumped out my chair and looked at Jaynie. "Ugh! How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of my room...People like privacy Jaynie and you can't just be going through people's things like that" My energy was shot, I couldn't yell at her and I especially didn't want to yell at her because I knew my dad would do that anyways. 

The door was making noises. Jing a ling, Jing a ling, my sister was definitely having trouble getting through the door again, nothing new there. My father looked at me and Jaynie and he glared. "Jaynie go to your room right now, Denver you stay here and talk some sense into your other sister, and I will deal with you later" Great, now I had to hear sit there and try to get my sister to stop being so rebellious and on top of that I was going to have to hear my father talk to me about sex for like the 100th time, what a perfect day. 

My sister walked in looking exhausted as usual, she barely ever was home until she got tired and came home just to sleep but most of the time she was out with someone. Deanna was so much better than this, I never understood why she insisted on being so hard headed when she knew what was best for her. 

All my life I was never really one to talk despite what people may think of me now. When most people see me they think, I'm loud and 'out there' when really I was the complete opposite,I mean yeah sure I'm good with words and can hold a decent conversation and I used to love going to parties and being wild  but for the most part I keep to myself most of the time but most of all I listen and I think that's why I got through to Deanna most of the time. My father didn't understand the concept of listening and that's what made them drift apart and argue all the time. I listened while she told me all about this guy she was crazy over, I listened when she told me all of the things they had done together, some bad and some good but either way, I listened. "I know he's not the type of guy any parent would be proud of but he's amazing to me...He makes my heart melt, but I am bisexual and I don't want that to scare him away...Anyways that's enough about me, tell my why dad was flipping his shit a few seconds ago" She asked me. 

My sister loved hearing about my love life, she always made jokes when I told her some of the stories I told her. Once I was finished explaining everything that happened today she frowned and sighed a sigh of relief. "Well thank god you're finally over that hoe bag, I never liked Abigail, you guys have been so close yet she never wants to meet us, all she does is hang out with you and make you sad...The only thing I want to know is why she got naked and didn't have sex with you, I mean what's the point? Either way, I'm not sure you made the best decision by throwing your phone into the ocean but at least you'll never hear from her again" I laughed at my sister, she was so vulgar but she had thick skin and I admired her for that. "Well, she's not a hoe bag...As you like to call her, but it's time for me to move on with my life and make friends...It's a shame I lost the one decent acquaintance I had here though" I said solemnly. 

"Listen, Melody isn't that sneaky, she's a goody two shoes,  she wouldn't think about  looking up your record online or something, and she's too nice to just curse someone out like that" My sister said to me and I looked at her like she was crazy. "Okay so, you made this girl have a concussion yet you're calling her nice?" I laughed sarcastically, surprised that my sister would say such a thing. "Listen Denver, I have nothing against Melody personally, I just don't like her sister and you know I hate David...I didn't think I would hurt her that badly but I was just angry that day and it was my first day back" she sighed and kept talking. "Anyways, my point is...That girl is naive, and she barely talks to anyone and when she does talk to people most of the people she talks to  hate you and believe that bullshit rape story...someone had to tell her something because I can't picture her finding out about that whole rape situation herself." 

For the fist time I was actually taking advice from my older sister although oddly enough most of the time it was the other way around. "You do have a point, I think you're right" My sister laughed "I'm always right, man" She slouched all the way back into her seat and sighed "So what are you going to do?" She asked me that and it caught me off guard. "Nothing, I've decided that I don't want to try making friends anymore, I just want to finish my years here, graduate, and get the hell out of Florida" I said that without hesitation, it was what I really wanted and once I turned 18 my dad wouldn't be able to stop me, I wanted to stop feeling ashamed when I had nothing to be ashamed about and the people here in Florida made me feel that way so it was time for me to leave. "Damn bro, I can't believe you're going to leave me and little Jaynie like that...That would really confuse her" 

I laughed to myself and I felt like I couldn't stop laughing. "What's so funny about that Denver?" I kept laughing, "She can't be anymore confused than she is now, she thought those condoms were balloons" I said as straight as I could but I kept laughing in between my sentence. "So what? It's better that she learned it from us rather than some 16 year old dirt bag that will most likely use her, wouldn't you want her to protect herself and be educated?" I laughed even louder "You know my little sister's sex life won't be any of my business unless she decides to tell me " Deanna shot back at me and said "Well I don't know about you but it sure as hell will be my business once she starts having sex" I looked at my sister and then laughed some more, shaking my head. "Wow, Dee you're really going to be an interesting parent someday, I love you" I couldn't say anything else but sit there and laugh with my sister, she really had her moments sometimes.