Chapter 14:  A Heart made of Glass

The hot humid summer night air was making my stomach do back flips and cart wheels. I was nauseous beyond belief but I knew it wasn't all because of the hot air, it was also because I was thinking about whose house we were driving to. My mother and I had been driving on the freeway passing exit by exit and we were now at exit 99 driving on the bumpy old pavement that made the bags of clothes in back seat jump up and down like popcorn kernels when they're hot.

We made it passed the Hoffman's theater and once I saw that big poster of a movie character I knew we had officially entered the rural area of town, goodbye big city and hello country life. "You know this will be good for us to see her again, we won't stay long I promise" my mother said to me as we cruised down the road while Madonna was playing on the radio, it was her older music and it sounded so vintage. As soon as I heard the loud thump as the car went over a pot hole I knew we had arrived. 

My mother pulled the car into the drive way and we got out and walked up to the front door. She rang the doorbell frantically 10 times in a row as her finger shook. "Now don't say anything just go in be nice and say hi that's all you have to do okay" my mother said to me demanding as she looked at me with a straight face. 

"Yeah, yeah whatever..You don't have to worry about me saying a thing to her" I said spitefully as I thought about every painful memory I had. I didn't want to go through that door, I didn't want the door to even open, I didn't want to face her, I didn't even want to see her, I hated her. I stood there for a moment as the little voice in my head kept saying 'please don't answer' but of course the door opened and we were asked to come inside by that familiar old frail voice I used to always hear when I was younger. 

We walked in the door way and looked up at my grandmother and surprisingly my uncle who I hadn't spoken to or seen in 9 years. "Hi there my sweet precious daughter! Oh I've missed you-Hi Melody...You look- interesting" my grandmother said to me as she looked me up and down, she had such a horrible attitude towards me and I never knew why she felt like she needed to call me by my first name instead of something more appropriate. "Wow mom you didn't tell me Olivia would be here with Melly" my uncle said to my grandmother as he looked at me and my mother. He always called me Melly, it was a childish nickname but I liked it, my parents never had given me a nickname. 

There was an awkward silence for a moment and I just stood there holding my hands in front of me as I smiled a fake smile at my grandmother. She was such a bitch, I thought about what she had just said to me and I just stood there smiling at her. she had gray hair, a hunch back, and was single yet I was the one that seemed 'interesting'. I was laughing inside, she seriously needed a reality check. "Awww grandma you look great- I see your still single after all these years...You know that's really a shame" I said in the most positive and sarcastic way I could've. I heard my mother sigh as she stood beside me and I bit my lip thinking about how I had probably angered her by saying that. 

She wasn't mad at me though, she was irritated by my uncle. "Ugh do you ever mind your own business Croy? What are you doing here?!?!?" my mother questioned him. My family had serious issues, it felt like we had these cliques as if we were in high school. Half of the family hated each other and half of the family liked each other.

"Oh calm down sis! I was here before you and I have no interest in hearing about you and your problems I just want to talk to my beautiful niece who also happened to grow up so fast!" he said excitingly as he smiled at us. 

My grandmother mother looked over and said "Ugh Croy hush up, you and your sister still treat each other the way you did when you were both teenagers! Melody has a chubby baby face" I clenched my fists and just stood there looking at her, she seriously had issues. My grandmother looked over at my mother and said "Come on let's go talk in the dining room" 

My mother and my grandmother had walked away and went into the dining room and were talking so discreetly that I couldn't even hear them even though there was no door there. I couldn't shake the feeling that my dad had done something horribly wrong. Me and my uncle were sitting in the living room and didn't say much at first. "So how have you been?" he asked me. 

"I'm great!" I said quickly as I looked away from him. It was kind of awkward to sit around someone you were supposed to know everything about yet you didn't. 

My uncle laughed at me and said "Oh come on who are you fooling! Don't lie to me Melody Marie Wiggins! Are there any guys I have to introduce to my handy dandy shot gun?" he asked me while laughing huskily with his deep voice.

"Ohhhh uncle Croy" I said as I shook my head back and forth. I rubbed the back of my neck and went on saying "There's no guy in this world I would even think about introducing you to" 

He smiled at me and said "I'm glad you're smart enough to know I will scare those guys away" he said to me as he laughed and then grew silent as he stood there looking at me again. "You've changed so much it's just unbelievable....It feels so unreal. How's your sister?" he asked me. 

"Oh you know she's okay. She's still cheer leading, she has her boyfriend Cris and we've actually been kind of getting along lately" I said slowly as I looked away from him again. 

He looked off to the side as he said "Well that's good at least something changed for the better....How's your mom and dad? Are they around more?" he asked me somewhat cautiously.

I didn't say anything, I slouched into the chair and rested my arms against my thighs. "Mom will always be mom...You know how she is. Dad is okay I guess, we're just going through a difficult time and it's hard for them to be home with us because of their business and stuff" I said as I looked at the ground. 

"Oh I see..." he said slowly as his voice trailed off. He stood up and looked at me again as he frowned and sighed. "It's such a shame I never got to be there for you guys- I- I never- I never got to see my dream come true- I never- I didn't even have a chance" he said to me as he inhaled deeply. "I need a cigarette....I'll be outside" he said before he walked off and the front door closed and made a swoosh sound.

I got up and creeped over to the dining room. I looked in and watched my mom and grandmother talk. "Well he can't deny it for long...he really screwed up big time" my grandmother said to my mom and my mom said "you're damn right he did! I just can't believe this is happening to ME of all people...What did I do to deserve this?" my mother asked my grandmother. "Nothing sweety- nothing at all" she quickly replied. 

"I did everything right! I tried to be the perfect wife! I gave him the perfect kids- well at least one perfect kid...." my mother said as her voice trailed off before she continued on with her sentence. "Jessica is captain of the cheer team, she has friends, a boyfriend and everything she's what every father could possibly want" my mom said as she breathed in deeply "I know Melody is a little strange and doesn't have a boyfriend but at least she's smart- I just don't understand him, he said I'm a bad parent and I'm raising the girls up to be sluts" my mother said and then breathed in and out deeply and roughly, it was obvious she was about to cry but I had no sympathy for her after hearing what she just said.

"Oh that filthy son of a bitch! You're not raising them up to be sluts at all I mean seriously look at Melody she doesn't dress up nice or try to even talk to guys...She's far from a slut....Do you think she might be a lesbian?" my grandmother said and I could feel my heart stop beating. 

I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door closed. Tears started pouring out of my eyes and my hands trembled as I held them against my face trying  to stop the tears  from rushing out of my eyes but I couldn't. The pain was just too real, it hurt so bad. 

I felt so ugly, so unwanted and useless. As much as I tried to pull my self together and deny that, it only made it worse. I knew I was ugly, unwanted and useless. I sobbed and felt a pain in my stomach because I was breathing so hard and roughly. My nose began running and I began to choke on my own tears. 

I kept my hands over my face, afraid to look at the mirror and see my reflection. The girl that would face me in the mirror was ugly, unwanted, and useless. I didn't even want to look. 

"You're ug-ugly uh-unwanted and use-uesless-" I said as my voice staggered in between my sobs and broken heart. "FUCKING USELESS!" I screamed out loud as I continued crying and my face was covered in my warm and wet tears. 

I breathed in and out deeply, trying to stop my tears. I  was pissed off, embarrassed, and hurt beyond belief. It was so hard to even control myself, my emotions were running wild. 

Like an idiot I followed my instinct to rub my eyes but I realized I had my glasses on. "Fucking ugly and useless" I whispered to my self. While I felt a muscle in my stomach moving around and aching in pain because I was sobbing and breathing so erratically 

I removed my hands from my face and stood there. I was ready to open my eyes, I knew what I was and I just had to deal with it. My body shook back and forth and my nose sniffled as I took a deep breath. 

Opening my eyes slightly and sniffling I looked at the girl in the mirror. "You're so ugly-so-s-s-s-sss-so fucking ugly!" I said to myself as I stuttered. It wasn't my fault I couldn't look like the girls in magazines. I couldn't help the fact that I wore glasses and didn't even have breasts big enough to fit a normal sized bra. I had no hips, no curves, none of the features of a woman. To hell with it, I didn't even get my God damn period yet! I looked like a man, I was so ugly and just pathetic. How could I even look people in the eye no wonder I had so little self esteem. 

I closed my eyes again and just kept breathing in and out. 'Do you think she's a lesbian?' those words kept on running through my mind like a broken record.

My blood became hot like fire. I clenched my fists and could feel my heart pounding in my chest. thump thump thump I could hear the people in my school that made fun of me, I could hear the things my sister used to say to me, I could hear the words my mother said to me. 'Fatass' 'Why don't you try and be more like Jessica' 'Look at the nerd' I looked at the girl in the mirror and hate entered my entire body. I started shaking. I was a bottle of precious champagne that had been shaken way too much and now I was going to explode. I  screamed "AGhhhhhh! Grrrrrahhh!" My piercing scream was all that I could hear along with a CRACK. I felt tiny vibrations beneath my feet and realized something had fallen to the ground. My left arm was also stinging and burning with pain like it had been set on fire. 

All my fear, despair, and pain had bursted out of me and drifted into the air in the bathroom, destroying the ambiance. A tidal wave of emotions flooded the room and as of now the water was right at the tip of my nose. I looked in front of me only to see a mirror that was cracked and broken. Shattered just like the girl that stood in front of it.

My heart raced in my chest and I fell to the ground. I looked at the floor and examined all the broken glass chips and pieces. I did all that? I was taken back and felt my head spinning around. I lifted my arm and placed it over my mouth, I was in utter shock. I didn't even know I could do such a thing like that. I knew my family would probably enter the room and see all this but I didn't even bother to get up from the floor, I felt paralyzed. The aroma of blood crawled up my nose and I looked down at my hand and the rest of my arm and realized it was covered in a crimson, watery liquid. Blood was so pretty yet bad at the same time.Blood was like a woman in a pretty dress on the dance floor, graceful and smooth as it runs down your skin in an almost alluring way. Blood could represent life, pain, and death all at the same time, it was so twisted yet ravishing and beautiful.

Woosh, the bathroom door swung open and my mom and grand mother were screaming. My uncle busted through the door and picked me up into his arms. "What happened?" my uncle asked me in a calm tone as he rubbed my shoulder. I closed my eyes and rested my face up against his shoulder. "I'm fine" I simply whispered but my uncle knew damn well that was a lie. He sighed and then said "You're face and arm is covered with blood you're not 'fine' Mel" 

 Chapter 13: I'm just a Captain on a Sinking Ship

The sun creeped up to my window and shined so bright that I woke up wincing. Why was the sun so intense? Sometimes I wondered how hot it actually was. It was something that I found incomprehendable but I guess that's something I only think about because I'm kinda nerdy. Oh fuck it, I am a nerd. I had just gotten out of the shower and was brushing my teeth so hard to the point I was wincing a little bit, I was nervous about yesterday.

I headed downstairs to see what I would make for breakfast so I could take my mind off of things, mom still hadn't returned home like she said she would and comfort always seemed to make me feel better. My sister and Kizzy had been home practicing their cheer moves and other stupid crap. Oh yeah that's right I forgot to tell you guys my sister is captain of the cheer team, she takes it very seriously and my mom is so proud of her for it. "Can you believe he sent me THAT?!?!" my sister shouted out abruptly which startled me but made me intrigued. I stood at the top of the steps silent and still, eaves dropping and watching them stretch and talk in a provocative way.  

Kizzy lifted her leg backwards and bended her back while throwing her arms out into the air in a graceful manner,it was as if she did ballet before and I think she did because there was no way she could've just learned that from cheerleading. "Sooooooo are you gonna send him one?!?!?" Kizzy said to my sister slowly which only made me even more eager to know what they were talking about. 

I walked fruther down the stairs to get a better look and creeeeeeakkkk, the stairs screeched out as I landed my foot on a step. The girls became silent once they heard this and I realized I was caught. I walked down the stairs and finally entered the living room to see my sister and Kizzy fiddling with my sisters phone  "Pick it up! Quickly!" my sister shouted as Kizzy picked up her phone and they stood up and looked me in the eye while they both smiled as Kizzy had my sisters phone in her hand behind my sisters back, something clearly was up. "HEY MEL! What's up?" Kizzy said to me as she smiled from ear to ear. "You scared me for a second...I didn't hear you coming down the stairs" my sister said to me as her voice trailed off. 

A chill ran down my spine and I blushed a little. Something told me that what I had just witnessed wasn't good and I felt bad for even coming down stairs and being nosey. "Oh well umm, I'm sorry I startled you?" I said confusingly as I looked up at them. What was I supposed to say in an awkward situation like this? It was like they didn't want me to hear something. Were they talking about me? I thought about it for a moment and my body temperature rose inside, I was NEVER good with dealing with those kind of situations. 

"It's okay! Look we need to run okay!" Kizzy shouted out to me as her and my sister walked to the front door. My sister turned around and faced me before she left and she said "Well...we're gonna go now but David's home today...He skipped school...You remember where his house is right? Willy Road? Yeah well anyways....You should go see him, he really needs to talk to you about something..." she said to me as Kizzy stood behind her waving goodbye to me and winking at me. I didn't really know anything about Kizzy but it was obvious she was just like the rest. 

As soon as they left the room became empty for a moment. Bzzzzzz my phone vibrated in my pocket and I looked at the screen to see who it was. Text message received from 'unknown' I opened the message and read it out aloud slowly. "Hey it's David, your sister just texted me. I'm home and you should come over so we can talk about some things :)" I could feel myself hyperventilating. What did he want to talk about? My sister sure did have a way of getting things to happen, I guess that's something that just comes natural after you've been the captain of a cheer team for so long and constantly planning events. 

I went out to the front yard and unchained my bike from the pole it was attached to. I jumped on my bike so fast I nearly fell flat on my face but I caught myself and eased back on the seat "Woo that was a close one" I said to myself as I felt sweat beads release from all the pores on my body. I pedaled fast on my ugly bike and felt the wind blowing all around me. So many memories came flooding back to my mind, when I was a kid I used to ride this thing so much despite it's fugly appearance. Me and all the kids down the block used to go on our bikes and go on little adventures and discover new parts of town. We would ride our bikes down the streets and chase down ice cream trucks and some of the boys that were daredevils would snatch the ice cream out of the guys hand and keep pedaling on their bikes without paying and it used to make me so scared. All good things start but eventually they all have to come to an end and things changed once I turned 12 and they stopped talking to me. They said I was too 'weird' and 'lame' to hang around them. I was upset about it at first but now I realize they were all just a bunch of punks anyways. I saw David's house approaching and I smiled as I started back pedaling so I could slow down. 

I got up to the front of his house and felt my heart drop right down to my stomach that was filled with nothing but acid. I was unsure where to put my bike but I got off it and walked with my bike in my hand all the way up to the front porch and rested my bike against the wood siding of his house. I stood there looking at the front of his yard and the rest of the house around it. His parent's obviously had a very particular perception of how life was or let me rephrase that and say 'how the good life was' If I was correct about my assumptions then that sure explained why David acts the way he does. 

I was about to ring the doorbell but I heard a few giggles coming from a distance. I walked around to the back and stood behind the gate to his back yard. There stood David and his girlfriend Casey kissing and rubbing each other slowly. I must admit I was a little envious but I had no idea why, it wasn't like I liked him or anything it was just strange. My eyes became covered with green and my nose could smell nachos and the musky smell of the wooded floors of the arcade when David kissed me that night, I was reliving that moment all over again as I stood there watching him touch his girlfriend like he did to me that day, it was gross. He was such a bad person, he got away with everything and it made me sick. He really had the nerve to invite me here to his house with his girlfriend here?!?! Someone really needed to rain on his parade and show him that he can't get things his way all the time, it wasn't Burger King this was real life and he needed to grow up. I busted through the gate that was surprisingly open and I stood there with my heart pounding in my chest. 

Despite my loud and threatening entrance David and Casey kept kissing. She looked even more beautiful than the last time I had seen her, she got a haircut and still looked like a beauty queen. I won't lie she was perfect but that was what was kind of annoying about her. She carried herself well and she knew her limits with people. Lot's of guys wanted her and they never kept quiet about how sexy they thought she was. She had curves in all the right places and a heart filled with gold even though most people would think she was a bitch before they actually got to know her. I was jealous and wondered why I couldn't be lucky to have a life like hers. I bet there was never a day where she woke up and felt ugly. 

David finally broke his embrace from Casey and looked over at me and I was still in an envious daze. He was looking at me expectingly like he wanted me to say something. "You told me you needed to talk to me" I said straightly while I looked him in the eye, trying to hide my emotions. 

Casey eyed me up and down in a way that was somewhat rude. I wasn't expecting that glare from her but I stood there and tried to remain calm as my legs began feeling like 2 cups of jello. "I'll go inside and get us some water" she said to him so silently and seductively and it was almost a whisper, a seductive whisper. "Okay" he said to her as he kept his eyes focused on me. 

I eyed her up and down as she walked over to the door. Her bikini bottoms were way too small for her and it barely covered her whole bottom, it was disgusting. I know one might say I'm jealous but I promise you I'm not. She walked and got closer and closer to the door and I wanted to just spill the beans about that night David kissed me but I just couldn't do it. No, it was too horrible. 

She finally left us alone and once she was out of sight David eyed me up and down and it made me immensely uncomfortable. Those bright blue eyes were just so intense. "Your hair looks nice like that...You should wear it like that more often" he said to me convincingly. 

"Oh...Uhhh..Thanks I guess??? This is a lazy hairstyle actually" I said sounding unconvinced. He caught me off guard with that statement but I wasn't going to take it seriously. David lived in what I would describe as a mansion, he had gold jewelry got every God damn thing he wanted so talk was cheap for him. 

I looked over at him with a puppy dog like face. "So are we going to talk?" I asked him innocently.

"Oh yeah! Come in my garage for a minute" he said as he opened  a wooden door that was somewhat decayed, it had to be the only thing in his house that looked somewhat shabby. 

I followed him inside as the scent of car oil,  mens dirty hands, and metal seeped into my nose. 

"Wow...This is a pleasant surprise" I said aloud as I walked in and realized there was no car, no oil, and no tool box to be found. Nope there was only a bunch of recording stuff sitting at one side of the brick room while Summer Wine by Nancy Sinatra was playing in the background but it wasn't her voice it was someone elses and it sounded familiar to me but I just couldn't put my finger on it. 

David laughed and said "Well if that wasn't rude then I don't know what was...I'll be back okay" he said to me be before he disappeared from the garage. 

I walked up to the equipment and just looked at it. I felt so little because as I gazed over at the sound board and all of its extensive endless buttons. 

"Ohhhhh Summer Wine" the speaker blurted out as I smiled thinking about the first time I had heard this song. It was a part of my distant childhood. 

An overwhelming feeling of happiness invaded my whole body and I just wanted to dance and sing. I walked over to the mic and was almost shouting into the mic because of how high my voice was. "Strawberries, cherries, and an angels kiss in spring my summer wine is really made from all these things" I sang out with my soprano voice and threw my hand up in the air like a rock star when in all actuality I was just trying to add a little zip to my sound since I was singing so high. My voice sounded great since I was in a garage and there was no carpet to muffle up my sound. I could hear the sound of something, I couldn't tell what it was but I kept singing until I was interrupted.

"Holy shit Melody you sound...surprisingly awesome...Who would've known you have a voice like THAT...God damn" he said as looked at me and then away from me. "You HAVE to sing this song with me...I'm performing it Monday and I needed a girl to sing with me and this is just perfect...You can sing with me!" he said enthusiastically as he looked over at the ground but it was obvious he wasn't actually looking at it, he was just daydreaming and imagining things, thinking about the future.

I immediately felt my whole body shake. I stood beside the mic and looked down at the ground. He had to be joking, my voice wasn't that great and there was no way in hell I would sing with him ANYWHERE especially in front of a crowd of people. "Look you don't know what you're talking about okay and besides I'm the wrong girl to look to for something like that...I don't do crowds and on top of that I just sound like an immature little 5 year old when I sing...I can't even sing deep and low, I sound like a fucking chipmunk or something" I said to him slowly. 

David laughed and then smirked at me. "LOOK you're doing this okay- no excuses I REALLY want to win this competition this year and I know with YOU, I can!"

David looked at me and I didn't say anything, I just stood there quietly and he shook his head."You don't sound like a kid, you only sound like what you think you sound like....Be positive..Fuck the people they probably WISH they could sound like you...Believe in yourself" he said to me kindly and deeply it was just so genuine- or at least it felt like it. 

Before I could even disagree he ran off into a door and came back out with another microphone.  

Without a warning he just said "Okay, 1 2 3" and sat the microphone down while he walked up to it in a way that showed he was clearly used to performing and singing. "Strawberries, cherries, and an angel's kiss in spring, my summer wine is really made of all these things" he sang out deeply as he ran his hand through his hair and showed off every muscle in his arm. I will admit he had a nice body, a really nice one and it was so shocking to see him like this. He's so strong and tough and into working out so seeing him sing was just a little awkward at first. "She saw my silver spurs and said let's pass some time...And I will give to you...Summer wine" he sang mysteriously and roughly, so much to the point I had a little chill go down my spine. I had been watching him so closely I had almost forgotten it was my turn to sing.

I sang the redundant chorus out loud and jazzed up my ending with a little vibrato towards the end of the phrase unexpectedly but I only did it because I realized I was shaking so hard and messing up some of the notes. "And I will give you, my summer wine ohhhhhh" I went off on a little riff and then got back into the right key and kept singing with David. It was amazing, I never sang with someone before and for a first time we actually had a pretty damn good harmony going. 

3 minutes sure did pass us by quickly and before we even realized it we were at the end of the song. Harmonizing and going off on some random riff with each other, some of the notes were awkward but they surprisingly worked and complimented each other in the strangest way. "Ohhhhh Ohhhh Summer wine" we both sang out as he stretched his arms out wide and held the note out for as long as he could, clearly trying to show off.

The sound of our voices echoed throughout the garage even though we had stopped singing. David didn't say anything, he just looked around. The door swung open and I could hear a girly shriek as his girlfriend Casey walked through the door. "OH MY GOD! You guys sound soooo good together! This is just what David needed!" she shouted out to me as she jumped around on her legs and balled her hands up into fists, trying to contain her excitement. 

My eyes shot wide open. "Me? Oh no! I'm not that good" I said to her shockingly. It was so damn hard for me to accept compliments. I just always felt like people were lying to me. What is there to like about me? I'm a loner and a nerd who's always reading books, I don't even have a single friend.

Casey looked at me with that 'are you kidding me?' face and then continued jumping around and cheering. "David NEEDS you it's always been his dream to win that competition at school and you guys are honestly great together. You have such great chemistry it's almost like you guys have hooked up before!" she said as she bursted out laughing before she continued on to say "Not that I think you would to that, it's just...I don't know..." she said as she rose her fists up into the air, giddy with excitement. 

I couldn't even look her in the eye when she said that...I just started rubbing the back of my head as I closed my eyes and made a disgusted face. "Eww...No...This is all just- jus- NO! I'm not singing for a bunch of people that go to our school...Look I have to go okay" I said stress fully. 

Neither of them said anything to me but my feet sure did because I went running straight out the door. "Wait!" I could hear them both yell from a distance but I darted out of there so fast like a bullet train and there was no turning back.

I made it to the front yard and heard the gate shut behind me clack. I ran over to my bike, threw one leg up into the air and jumped on it. The pavement on the road in this neighborhood was very hilly and bumpy so I had to slow down sometimes and every time I did it made me anxious. I just wanted to get out of here, and fast. 

I kept riding and eventually I made it home. Me and David actually didn't live that far from each other, it was just a long straight stretch on a road people like to call 'Willy Road' even though it's not the real name for it. It's called Willy Road in memory of a guy named Will that 'died' when he was driving his car on that road that night and his car flipped over. No one knows for sure if actually died though because there was no blood in the car and Will was no where to be found but it was his car that was on that road sitting there flipped over. It's a mystery that haunts people in this town but it never really scared me. I was huffing and puffing once I made it inside, I leaned over while desperately trying to catch my breath. I could feel my throat burning as I coughed because my throat became dry from breathing so hard. I could feel a rumble inside my stomach and headed for the kitchen.

I ran into the kitchen like I hadn't ate in years. I looked at all the items in the fridge and my stomach groaned, it was because of the meat. I was a vegetarian and absolutely couldn't stand eating meat. I pulled out some lettuce and tomatoes and threw it in a bowl quickly, eager to eat it right off the plate. 

I sat down at the dining room table and glanced over at my plate as my eyes became filled with nothing but the pure emotions of greed. "Come to mama!" I said excitingly as I licked my lips and picked up my fork. 

As soon as the first crisp green lettuce leaf entered my mouth I let out a pleased sigh as I hummed "Mmm" while my hand worked like a factory worker in an assembly line. Pick up, eat, put down, pick up, eat, put down. It was a routine but a pleasing one. I could hear the front door swing open but I was too interested in my salad to get up and see who it was, I figured it was probably Jessica or Kizzy. 

I kept divulging in my salad until I could hear nothing but silence and I thought that was kind of strange considering the fact that the door clearly sounded like it had been opened. I dropped my fork on the side of the plate CLINK. I was chewing the crisp lettuce leaves snap, munch, crunch but I stopped once I heard a whimper, it was silent but still noticeable. I looked straight across the room and felt cold all over, this was just like those scary movies. You're all alone and then someone comes out to get you! "Who's there?" I said sternly.

I stood up and got out of the dining room chair nervously. My fingers trembled against the table as I walked across the room and traced my fingers over it as I walked as if it gave me some reassurance. "I just don't understand!" My mother shouted through her whimpers as her tears came running down her cheeks and I could hear her breathing grow rougher and rougher after each inhale and exhale she took.

I walked closer to her and just stood there watching her cry and snort her nose as she was trying to pull herself together but it clearly wasn't working. "Mom, what's wrong?" I said gently. 

My mother was clearly embarrassed, she couldn't even look me in the eye. "It's nothing sweety, just don't worry about it" she said to me as she held her hand in her hand and kept shaking it back and forth. "How could I be so stupid?" she said to herself. I opened my mouth to say something and then shut it quickly. I had to gather my thoughts and conjure up something to say to her that wasn't too invasive. "Mom what's wrong?" I said to her again as humble as I possibly could've said it. 

"You're fucking father, that's what's wrong!" my mother screamed out to me. My body shook with utter terror, I had never heard her scream, ever but then again she was never around so I wouldn't know how she behaves anyways. It was just scary and heartbreaking because it felt like she was yelling at me even though she wasn't. "Go to your room and get all your clothes and where is your sister? Ugh! Forget it just grab her things too!" my mother shouted out at me. 

My mother started walking off towards the stairs and I looked away from her. "Okay.." I mumbled under my breath quietly. I could feel my heart breaking inside, piece by piece and I thought I might die. There's nothing worse than seeing your family have issues. It felt even worse having your mother take her anger out on you without even realizing it. All I could do was stand around and watch while trying to do the best I could to make things a little bit better somehow. I was just a captain trying to clog a hole that was on the boat. I was a captain riding on a sinking ship and all I could do was react in the moment.