Chapter 32: The Black Vortex

It was official, my period had taken control of my life. It clung onto my legs and manipulated every step I took. My lefts felt like rights, and my rights felt like lefts. It was so awkward to walk around and worry about whether or not the back of my pants looked like the Japanese flag.
If anyone knew how much crap I had brung with me, they would probably say that I was over prepared, but it was better than having an accident.
Creeench. My locker whined from being plummeted in the face by my sneaker. I pulsed my foot up and down as if I were listening to some song. A random rhythm was moving through my toes, I didn't know what rhythm it was but it was kind of just something I randomly pulled out of nowhere.
My stomach hurt pretty fucking bad, and I just wanted to get the hell out of here. It hurt so bad to stand, I wanted to curl up into fetal position and just rock myself back and forth on my bed. It was even more uncomfortable pretending to not be in pain.

     Everyone was talking, but it was hard to tell what they were talking about. "Can you believe she's..." Some random girl whispered and she looked over at me with fear in her eyes. My eyes drifted towards her cheer leading uniform, and I felt my eyebrows droop inwards, towards my nose. All of a sudden she quickly turned around with her friend, acting as if she wasn't just looking my way but they were still deep in conversation about whatever the hell they had been talking about.
      "Video Princess!" Some scrawny looking guy hollered from behind a cluster of people. He was nudging his way through the hallway like he was in a jungle, and the people were all those pesky tree branches that just got in the way.
      Not wanting to talk to another fan, I dashed around the corner with hopes that he wouldn't see me and I could get far away from him. There was nowhere to go though, the hallway was filled to the brim with students clustering around.
It was moments like these when I wished I had done all of those height exercises back when I was younger. Sure, they may have been a myth but honestly, who wouldn't want to at least be try and get tall if there was a possibility? I think anyone would.

      Inching up on my tip toes, I caught a glimpse of Casey. It looked like she was crying but some guy stood in front of me and blocked my view and my poor little toes could only hold my weight for so long.
He moved slightly to the left and I could see half of Casey's face. The apples of her cheeks looked like dark cherries; her mouth was hanging wide open and I could tell she was in shock. If only this damn guy would get out of my way, I could see a bit more!
"How many times do I have to tell you?!" David's voice was distinct, even when he was having a meltdown I still knew it was him. Not the guy I would like to recognize, but nonetheless still a guy I knew, even if he did have flaws. The tone of his voice was all rough and jagged, like switch blade. Part of me wanted to see his face, but the other part of me didn't.
People were crowding around and that was pretty immature but expected, and then again I couldn't blame them. I wanted to know what was going on too. There was this unspoken tension that lingered through the school these past few days and everyone felt it. Even Ms. Johnson felt it, and she never felt anything!

"I'm only trying to help you David! It's not just me- even your friends are worried about you." There was this gap in between her speech, and then the whining began. "You never tell me anything."
"You were talking to my friends about me?!" He questioned her, and she gave him no response. "You see that's your fucking problem, you get involved with personal shit I don't want you involved in, not even my own friends." The tall guy blocking my view looked around at his buddies standing beside him and I caught a glimpse of David pointing around at all the bystanders. "You really had to confront me about this in front of everyone? This is bullshit!"
"No David, it's not like that. Wait!" Casey pleaded, chasing after him through the crowds of people but David was gone like the wind, he stormed the hell out of there.

It hurt watching him leave like that, literally. Everyone turned around and nudged me in all the wrong places. "Hey, watch it!" I squalled.
David was gone but the loud commotion returned to fill up the dips between the empty sound waves he left behind. There was a sling of rumors going around, but no one really knew why he was so upset, not even Casey. Whatever David was so upset about was big, bigger than my chicken scratch comment. I wasn't in the clear, but I definitely wasn't in the red zone either.
I let out a sigh, wondering what could've possibly gotten him so upset. So upset to the point that he didn't want to talk to anyone. His dad was an asshole, but David seemed pretty used to his asshole-ness, he seemed so numb to his dad's comments but maybe he really wasn't.
"Everybody clear the hall!" A security guard waved his hands around at us like we were pesky little flies buzzing around in his face. "Get to class!"

***

     Getting to class, was another issue all on its own. I was already late to 4 of my classes, my bathroom trips were adding up and it was annoying. It felt like I wasn't in control of my own life anymore, everything was just becoming more and more intense. 

    My chest felt like it might explode as I opened the door to my geometry class. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down but the feeling was still there-that feeling of cracking into a billion shards of glass.
    Mr.Huff had seen me stroll in there like a casual bandit. "Ms.Wiggins you're awfully late. Is there something I should know?" He asked.
      "I uh.. Had to handle something." I whispered. He probably thought I was lying, but I didn't think it was any of his business to know that I was on my period.
    "Okay Melody, don't let it become a habit. You can have a seat now." He stared me down, pointing his chalk coated finger at my seat but I didn't move. An awry impression casted over his face, he repeated himself again. "Melody, please have a seat."

      My lips wouldn't move, they only quivered. "Are you okay?" He asked, dropping his piece of chalk on the desk. Moving with the pace of a turtle, he walked over to me.
    I could only see the vision of a once perfect glass, broken and shattered into a million pieces. A glass being pushed down with so much pressure, until it- until it... Until it cr- "I can't do this anymore. Every thing is just too much!" My hot tears slid down my trembling cheeks. "It's just so much! I...I can't do this anymore!" My sobs were so uncontrollable and ugly, I couldn't stop them no matter how much I wanted to.
      "Alright, everyone get back to your work, there's nothing to see here!" Mr.Huff's mouth dropped open and his eyes roamed around the class. "Denver, could you please lead the class while I step outside for a moment?"
      "Of course." My eyes were pretty watery but I could still see him turn towards the class. "Alright guys, which problem do you want me to do on the board?" He asked the class.
"Come on Melody, let's go outside." Mr. Huff placed his hand on my back and walked me outside of the class.

It felt like he cared about me, it really did, but I still just couldn't say anything. I couldn't tell him what was going on with me, partly because I didn't know, and partly because I was ashamed. This was weird. I was crying like a little 5 year old and I was about to be 16 pretty soon, it was just straight up embarrassing.
"Please, can I please just go to the nurse? This is so humiliating..." I sniffled. There was just so much change going on in my life, too much change and time was moving so fast. It was scary to think about the future, because I wasn't even in control of my own life anymore. My life controlled me.
"Of course you can go to the nurse but there's nothing wrong with crying." He always seemed to be analyzing his students. "I know you've been dealing with a lot of change and I think you should talk to someone, you know I'm always here if you need to talk about anything." He pulled out a book of passes and scribbled on one, ripping it off and placing it in my hand before he rubbed my shoulder. "Don't worry about anything we did in class, if you have questions just come to me. Feel better."

"Why do you care so much?" I grabbed his wrist. "Even after I-" It hurt just to even think about it. He looked into my drenched eyes and I was sure he thought I was pitiful."I failed you." He believed in me and I had let him down.
He removed my hand from his wrist and scowled at me. "Oh Melody please stop being so gosh darn hard on yourself!" His warm smile lit up his green eyes even more. "You didn't fail me and you could never fail me. I consider it quite honorable of you to even try getting on the math team with how much stuff you have going on in your life right now."
I was shaking so hard and he put his hands on my shoulders, steadying me as best as he could. "What happened to the girl who was confident in herself and her answers? Where did she go?" He lifted my chin up and said the most important thing anyone could've ever said to me. "When winter-break comes around, I want you to find yourself... And bring a new and improved Melody back here to Lakewood, because this isn't you."

***

"Maureen, I need more q-tips." A grey haired lady called from behind the room in the back. The health office always smelled so sanitary yet sickly at the same time. Some guy in the back was stretched out on the wrong end of one of the beds just staring at his hand without moving a single limb. It was pretty unsettling, it was like he was trapped inside a daze with his fingers.
"And what's wrong with you today?" Clarissa asked, as she examined the look on my face.  Clarissa was one of the youngest nurses in this school, and she wasn't exactly kind. Her desk was cluttered with infinite amounts of paperwork that said height, weight, gender, age, and various other health related things on them. All the athletes had to update their physicals this time of year.
"I need to go home." I said softly. I had wiped away my tears before I came in here but my face was still red, judging from the mirror that was right behind her.
"Go home for what?! I can't just send students home without there being a valid reason!" Great, now I was going to have to deal with her grilling me before I could even get the fuck out of here.

"I uh- I'm dealing with some personal issues." I mumbled, with hopes that she would accept that answer.
But of course she didn't, she smirked and rolled her eyes at me. "I wasn't born yesterday sweetie. What's the matter is there a class that you're trying to get out of?" Her eyes narrowed down at me and I lost it.
"No! I'm on my friggin period! Now will you please call my guardian so I can leave this shit hole?!?" Flames of fury rippled through my eyes. If she wouldn't let me leave this place would look like Armageddon.
"Watch your mouth young lady! We have sanitary napkins in the back, you can't leave for that reason." She pointed towards the pink door in the back.
I placed my hands on the desk and looked her in the eye. "Listen, I'm trying to do this the proper way. Either way, I'm not fucking staying here so you can call my guardian for me or I can call him myself and tell him you won't let me leave because I feel like shit and I'm on my fucking period!" I screeched, totally blocking out everything else around me.
Ka-tut, the door closed and I turned around. Talk about an embarrassment, David was standing right behind me and I was sure he had heard it all. Fuck my life.
"Okay, listen... You're lucky I'm not writing you up for being so nasty to me like that. Have a seat in the corner while I call your guardian. You're lucky I understand that your hormones are out of whack, otherwise I wouldn't be so nice right now." So apparently she was being nice, yeah okay. *Sarcasm*

David was just standing there looking so nonchalant about everything, it kind of pissed me off. "Hi David, it's always great to see you!  Is something wrong?" Wow, she was such a a kiss-up. I noticed how her eyes completely lit up and glowed like a thousand candles were inside them when David was talking to her.
"Oh, no. I just wanted to leave early, I don't feel too good and I think it would be best if I just go home." He could've just drove off, he had his own car. Why the hell would he come here?!
She hesitated for a moment but still smiled weakly in his face. "David, you know I'm not allowed to let students leave without parental consent, I know you have a valid reason but-" She looked down at her finger nails.  "I'll still get in trouble, give me a second-" Did she seriously say he had a valid reason?! I said almost the exact same thing to her and she wasn't as easy going with me... She was playing favorites. Ugh, this school was so fucking annoying.
"Oh, that sucks. My parent's are gone for the rest of the week, they're in New York." He scratched his head before sighing, and facing his defeat. "You know what, just forget it. I don't want to get you in trouble... I guess I can stay the whole day."

"Oh no, no, no! I can handle this..." She looked around at everyone else in the room before opening a drawer in her desk and pulling out a piece of paper, she signed it very quickly and handed it over to him. "Here, take this and leave. Feel better, okay?"
He grinned, "Oh man, thanks! You're the best C-dog!" C-dog? I guess he came here a lot, what an asshole....Abusing the system just to get away with shit. Ugh I knew it wasn't fair but God dammit, he was DAVID RAKENSON for crying out loud... Of course he could get away with shit like this.

Before he walked out the door she called out to him again. "Oh, David wait!" She waved him back towards her. "I need your sheet from last week, and you need to update your physical... I thought you wanted to try out for water polo." Damn, they were like buddies. Did he tell her everything?
"Yeah, I'm still trying out." He smiled some more, "I have my sheets at home but I went to the doctor last week, I can have my doctor fax everything right over to you, including my updated physical." He winked at her and headed back towards the door.
"Oh David, you're the best. Have a nice day, and feel better!" She called out to him, getting out of her seat just to make sure he could see her waving goodbye to him. Her clothes were hideous for a 31 year old. I hoped to God I never dressed like that 16 years down the line.
My hormones really were all over the place, here I was getting angry over the fact that the nurse liked David. There really was no reason to be mad  because I liked him too, even when he completely ignored me.

***

"Are you gonna talk?" The whole car ride was full of nothing but silence, and now for some reason she wanted me to talk. Adrianne closed the front door and I watched her flip the gold lock to the left. My uncle was in the middle of a surgery so he couldn't come and get me. There was so much awkwardness between me and her.
When I walked into the house the overwhelming feeling of hurt ran to me and embraced me with open arms. Change was sitting on the couch, cracking open a beer, and my life was no where to be found even though it resided in this house.
I tried speaking to her but something didn't feel right inside of me, and it wasn't my period either. I hunched over, placing one hand on the wall and the other on my chest.
"Is everything okay?" She asked, hovering her hand around my shoulder as if were a ticking time bomb and she was afraid to touch me.
I shook my head, moving through the living room so I could avoid conversation with her. Was this what this kind of stuff felt like? Was this the feeling of death? I lurked around the living room, running my fingertips along the couch.
Something was wrong, I took a deep breath and it still felt like a shallow breath. My heart was a clock, ticking away in my chest. Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock... Fear inflated through my veins and they were going to burst any second. Death was coming for me and there was no where to go.

"Melody, you're scaring me now-" She was talking to me, actually talking to me instead of yelling at me. "I know we haven't gotten off on the right foot but I want to make things better. Talk to me please. Is something wrong?" She looked like an angel, all she needed was wings.
The bomb was about to explode... That was when I saw it, I saw the darkness... Everything was crumbling beneath me. The shaking of my body was so intense, I dropped to my knees and started weeping. "I'm dying! Help me please!" I screamed. It felt like a person was inside my body, squishing my lungs in their stony hands.
"WHAT?!" Adrianne rushed over towards me, her hair clumped together as if she had just taken a shower. "Melody what's going on get up right now!" She yelled.

"I can- " My sobs were so deep, and I could taste my tears as they ran into my mouth when I started shrieking. "I can't breathe!" I grabbed her by the back and wrenched her into me, but I was too forceful and she fell on top of me, she felt like a boulder. "HELP ME PLEASE!" My fingertips clenched into the silky skin on her back and she pulled away from me, wincing.
"You can breathe if you're talking, calm down!" She looked all around the room, and looked at her empty hands. "Melody, you need to calm down!" Her fingers locked around the roots of her hair and she pulled on it out of stress and frustration. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!?"
"I'm dying, I'm fucking dying! HELP ME PLEEEASE!" I wheezed, gasping for air as I felt my rib cage convulsing up through my body. I held my hand out, reaching towards her. I could almost feel her, she was there but she wasn't there either.... I was all alone.  "I CAN'T BREATHE, I CAN'T BREATHE! SOMEBODY HELP MEEEE!"