Chapter 36: Like a Thief In the Night

Christmas time was our family holiday. We considered it to be the most important time of the year. My parents loved Jesus and they were God fearing people, they always were and always would be that way. Me and my sisters on the other hand... Not really. We loved Christmas because it was just a warm holiday, and we got a ton of days off from school.

"We should put this star at the top of the tree, mom always loved it!" Jaynie screeched, inching up on her tiptoes as she miserably tried to reach the top. The bristles were scraping up against her fuzzy red sweater, it looked like a big fuzzy lint ball; but she found it comfortable.

I smiled when I thought about my mother, she really was one of a kind. "Yeah, she did, and she always will." It smelled like ginger and fresh peppermint, and we weren't even cooking anything. "Here, let me help you with that." I kneeled down and patted my legs, "Come on."

Lifting, Jaynie in the air, I helped her put the star on the top of the tree. "Awww, it's perfect." She gave me nostalgia, she was so bright and cheerful like how she used to be. Christmas just brought out the best of everything. The best in life, the best of memories, and the best in a person. 

"How much do you weigh again?!" I teased, lowering her back down to the ground.

She looked up at me once her feet were on the floor, giving me a nasty glare. "That's only my concern, not yours. Maybe you should get in the gym and lift some more."

You've gotta love your siblings sometimes. "You crack me up, like a boiled egg!"

"You're so corny!" She put her palm on her forehead and just shook it from side to side. "My brother is so embarrassing! Why God? Why?!"

"Because laughter is the key to living life. If you can't laugh, you can't live." You didn't have to be good at telling jokes, because even the corny ones still made people laugh.

"I do laugh. At you. All the time." She gave me her little signature smile, the 'Jaynie smile.' 

"As long as you laugh, I'm doing something right." Keeping everyone happy was always a challenge, but Jaynie was always the most relaxed one in the family. She was a handful, but she never really needed me to lift her spirits, she did that on her own. 

The tree was already covered in ornaments and multi-colored lights. Pine needles covered the floor underneath it, and you could smell them before you even took a look at them. 

"I don't think we need to decorate the tree anymore, it's full." Taking the decorations off of the tree was always a real drag. Considering the fact that it was Christmas Eve, there really was no point in decorating it any further. "If you want to, you can, but I'm finished."

Wandering off towards the kitchen, I got myself a glass of milk. My dad had attempted to make some cookies the other night and they had burnt to a crisp, they were inedible but I still grabbed one. It was as black as charcoal, and hard as a rock. "You know, it's funny how dad can cook all these fancy dinners, yet he can't cook a simple box of cookies." 

"Dad doesn't do desserts." Jaynie replied, still focusing on the Christmas tree with satisfaction as the lights streamed through her eyes in a wide array of hues.

"Yeah, you are kind of right about that." For some reason my dad couldn't bake anything. Not a nice warm apple pie, or a chilled pie made with pudding. He could scoop out ice cream, but that was easy for him.

Patting the sides of my legs, I realized I needed to check my phone. Dad was out doing some last minute Christmas shopping for Jaynie and Deanna, and I knew he needed me to put Jaynie to bed. 

"I'm going to get my phone, okay? I'll be right back." I said, walking to my room.

Jaynie was too busy shaking all the boxes under the Christmas tree to even notice what I had said. "Uh-huh." 

My room was actually starting to look like a guys room. I had a pair of boxers on the floor, some socks, a few magazines, and a pile of clothes in the corner; which should've been in the clothes hamper. I was almost disgusted enough to clean it but then I figured it wouldn't really matter. No one was coming over so there really was no need to.

I grabbed my phone off my end table and glanced at it. My phone was empty, I only had a few numbers in it. There was only family members in my contacts, and Allyson was pretty much the only friend I had in my contacts. 

Our friendship was weird. We could sleep with each other and think nothing about it. It was only one time though, so I never really thought about it too much; she just wasn't my type. She didn't see me that way, and neither did I.

There were no texts from dad, or anyone for that matter. I got up and just decided to put Jaynie to bed anyways, it was late and I was bored. Sleep wouldn't be too bad right about now.

When I made my way back into the living room, Jaynie was drinking my glass of milk, and nibbling from the charcoal cookies. "These taste like dirt."

"I would ask you how you know what dirt tastes like, but it's time for you to go to bed." I looked over at the television, the Polar Express was on. Jaynie loved that movie even though she had seen it about a kajillion times.

"No! The Polar Express is on!" She put the empty glass on the side of the counter. "Get my blanket from upstairs! I can sleep down here and watch it!"

"You can watch it upstairs. What's the difference?" I knew she just wanted to watch dad come in with the presents.

"Just go get my blanket!" She demanded, running over to the couch to go set up the pillows.

"Fine. But if you fall asleep, which you will- I'm bringing you upstairs to you room. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah. Go make yourself useful and get my blanket." She plopped down on the couch, staring at the tv as if she had never seen the movie before. What was it with those Disney movies? All the kids loved them to pieces, even if they watched them over and over and over and over and over and- you get my point.

Like a servant, I went up the stairs to go and fetch her blanket. Our house always felt like a home to me, it was just warm and close. Anytime we invited someone over it was no different, we dressed the same way, talked the same way, ate the same way; we extended our love with open arms to anyone who came here. That was just how we were.

Having one or two expensive things in our house worked for us. Who wants a home that they can't run around in? Who wants to feel like they have to put plastic over their couch when they sit on it? Homes were for living in, and that's what we did.

As I made my way to the top of the staircase, I stopped. I heard some funny noises coming from Deanna's room. The sounds of struggle and frustration.

I got closer to her door, trying to make out what the sounds were. She hadn't been home all day, unless she climbed through her window. There was definitely someone in there though. It was a guy. 

"Just once, I just need you to do this once." He was speaking frantically like he couldn't wait another second.

Never in my life would I have ever thought that I would hear my older sister sound so weak. "I- I can't. I can't keep doing this, I'm gonna get in trouble. You're gonna get in trouble. If my dad knew about all of this, he would send me out on the street! Or send us both to jail!"

Something was thrown across the room, I could hear his feet thumping against the floor boards. "Who cares! Why do you have to make everything so complicated?! Why can't you just help me?! You know maybe you just weren't cut out for this."

The only thing I didn't hear was Deanna's voice, she didn't even respond to him; but I knew she was there. This wasn't an intruder, she knew him.

I didn't know what the hell he was talking about but since she wasn't responding I got worried. Immediately I thought about Jaynie and her safety, she was down there watching TV and didn't have a clue what was going on. But I couldn't step away- I couldn't leave Deanna, I had to help her. There was no way I would forgive myself if I stepped away and she wasn't okay.

"Deanna? Are you in there?! What's going on?" I pounded on the door before busting it opening. "I'm coming in!" I said, swinging the door open so hard it hit the wall.

When I looked inside her room there was nothing but darkness confining her and some random guy. She was dressed in all black and so was he. They both were crouching on the floor, looking at something. His face was covered with a mask and all I could catch were his brown eyes. I stared at them for a little longer and thought they might be gray, I wasn't sure.

He was kneeling down on his knees but once he saw me he leaped like a frog. "Shit!" He muttered, pouncing across the room so fast that I couldn't even get to him. 

"Don't run away! Who the fuck are you?!" I demanded, but he ignored me and ran to the window.

"Fucking shit! Open up!" The windows was stuck and being stubborn, he kept jerking it up, trying to open it.  

I got up and ran towards him, stepping on something that was on the floor. Something had burst, but I was too busy trying to chase him down to even care what I had stepped on. Just as soon as I reached him, the window cracked open. "Show your face!"

He jumped out of the window and went running. The way he darted around the corner so fast, only made me more angry. 

Shit was about to go down. If there was anything that I learned from dealing with Deanna, it was that she was always deep into some shit. She never dabbled with things, she went full-forced and full-fledged into anything she did, good or bad.

I turned to Deanna, she was scraping up some dull white and almost brown powdered dust on the floor in a frantic desperation. "Oh shit! Look at what you did!" Bit by bit, particle by particle, she threw it in the bag. "He's gonna be so pissed!"

"Who the fuck was that?!" I yelled, getting closer to her. I looked down at the ground, realizing that this wasn't just any powder. The way it was bagged up said it all; it was drugs. "Answer me right now!" Even though she was only hurting herself, I felt betrayed.

"Fuck you!" She screamed with her breath picking up it's pace. I could see her hands shaking as she tried to move the powder from the floor to the bag. "I don't have to tell you shit!"

Deanna was difficult, and I knew I had to be careful with my words. It would only take one thing to tip her over the edge, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. 

Most of the powder was cleared off of the floor. She got up, smacking her hands against each other as she tried to wipe them clean. Dragging her right foot against the floor, she tried to clear away all the little dusty remains on the ground.

"What is that? Coke?!" I looked her in the eye but all she did was bite her lip and evade my gaze. "Is that why you've been acting so odd lately?!" She had gotten into a habit of leaving and not showing up until several days later or sometimes even a whole week later.

She was still, and fixed her eyes on the ground. Like a sandcastle, her life was crashing down. Her harsh reality surrounded her and she was static and silent. "It's heroin." She murmured, fastening the tie on the bag before she threw it on her bed.

I snapped. It was as if I were a tight rope and she was just walking all over me, watching me bend underneath her feet. "Heroin?! Wow!" I clapped my hands in her face. “That's great you know! It's good you're not doing coke because heroin is soooo much fucking better!" Shooting up heroin or snorting coke was like a fucking life sentence. There was no going back after you did that shit.

“I don’t do drugs!” She retorted while failing at her attempt to defend herself. “I only sell them, that’s it.”

Nothing made sense. “How long have you been doing this shit?!” I had a feeling I would regret asking her that.

Finally, without even blinking she looked at me. Her eyes were the window to her soul and the evilest, blackest, and most invasive look shot out from her eyes and seeped into mine. She was smirking as she said, “A while. I’m good at hiding it, aren’t I?”

“Good at hiding it?!” I pointed towards the bag of heroin she had on her bed. “You’ve got some fucking hoodlum in the house while Jaynie is downstairs! You may not care about your safety, but you should at least care about hers! What’s wrong with you?!” It felt like my words were dust, they were seemingly pointless in a way. “You know how Jaynie likes to go through our stuff all the time and you keep this shit in the house?! God forbid if she ever got into it- then what?!”

“That would never happen. Look at how good I’ve been stashing it! She never found it, and I know she goes through my room.” She was blind to the danger surrounding her, and I was truly fearful for her, because you can tell someone how much they should care, but at the end of the day it was only up to them to actually give a damn.

She turned her back away from me and treaded away to her dresser. “I’m smart. I know what I’m doing.” She boasted on and on, throwing her shoulders back and pushing her chest out a little. “I’m not a baby. I’m a woman, with plans for myself.”

“Smart?! Selling drugs- You think that’s smart?!” I just wanted to rip every single hair follicle out of my head until I had blood dripping all over my face... Maybe then she would see my frustration.  “You don’t even have a logical explanation for doing this! What more could you want?! Our dad puts a roof over our heads, he goes out of his way too make sure we’re okay. We’re financially stable. Our family's reputation was gold until I fucked it all up, but now you want to tarnish it even further!”

It looked like a rainbow flashed before my eyes as I watched her drag clothes from her drawer, to a huge duffel bag. “You don’t get it. I don’t want to be a shadow! I want to make a name for myself! Living a boring safe life just doesn’t appeal to me. I like the thrill, and school isn’t for everyone. I’m not as smart as you and I know that.”

“Don’t use your inferiority complex on me Dee! I didn’t even say anything like that!” I reached over and snatched her hand, watching her red shirt fall to the ground.

Quick with her reflexes, she jerked her arm out of my grip. “Don’t fucking touch me!” She slapped the drawer to her dresser, screaming as if she wasn’t speaking loud enough. “You’re the better sibling of us all. You may be younger than me but,  you’re stronger, wiser, you’re smart, you’re caring, you know how to make dad happy! You’re more mature than I am. You’re completely selfless but I can’t be that way okay!”

It would be a lie if I said I didn’t know that Deanna felt like she was always sub-par compared to me and Jaynie. “No one is asking you to be that way, Dee.” 

I approached her, slow and clemently; baby step, after baby step. Once I could see her glimmering grey eyes, I stopped myself. “I’m weak Dee. Look at me!”

She didn’t say anything, she just shook her head.

It pained me so badly, yet I had to say what I was thinking about it.  “When mom disappeared, I left too! I couldn’t stick around, I didn’t know what to think! I was weak! I ran from the problem! I left you, Jaynie, and dad on your own and I still think about leaving all the time!” Although it was brief, it felt like I was re-living it again, feeling that resentment and anger... All over again. 

“Okay, so what?! You haven’t left again! And even when you did leave, everyone still gave a shit! When I leave you guys think it’s normal. You don’t even look for me.” Her eyelid was an imaginary flesh colored bridge, and her tear was about to roll right over it.

“Because! We know nothing would ever happen to you! You can fend for yourself!” My dad always said that she was fine, and she always turned out to be fine. So when she disappeared it just felt like normal. “You know how dad is.”

Tugging on the zipper of her duffle bag, she zipped it shut. “Yeah, I know all about how he is, and I won’t be sticking around much longer to get in his way.” When she blinked her eyes I knew she was trying not to let a tear fall. “I’m leaving before he makes me leave.”

With a swift motion, she lugged the duffle bag over her shoulder. She walked passed me to get the heroin off her bed and throw it in the dufflebag. 

She walked passed me to get to the door, and I tugged on her arm. “Don’t!” I screeched through clenched teeth. “Dee, don’t do this- you don’t have to do this.” I could help her, I knew I could. The last thing I was going to do was watch her leave. “I can help you. We can fix this, together.”

All the muscles in her body tensed. “Denver, when will you get it? You can’t be everyone’s hero.” The tear finally rolled over the bridge, she was crying. Her eyes looked like sheets of glass; and I honestly don’t remember the last time I’d seen her cry like that. “You can play dad... But you’ll never be mom!”

I was weak and I let her go. It hurt so much to the point I thought I was imagining things. The brand of agony and resentment made my body twitch. It ached and burned like hell, on the inside out. 

Yet again I had seen someone run down a black cave and leave me behind. Everyone left me, always. My mom, Abigail, and now my sister. No matter how hard I tried, I failed. I guess sometimes the hero really has to die.

Hearing the front door slam shut, made my heart jump in my chest. When I looked up, I saw Jaynie standing in the doorway. I wondered how long she had been there.

“Den?” She walked inside the room, her eyes roaming all over the place. From the windows to the floor I was sitting on.

I sucked in all the jagged air I could fill my lungs with. “Yeah?” The weakness in my voice almost made me ashamed.

“What’s going on?” She asked, sitting beside me. “Did you make Dee mad?”

As if it wasn’t odd enough, Jaynie was the one that understood Dee the most. It gave me an idea, a little sliver of hope. “No, it’s nothing.”

I got up from the floor and looked over at her computer desk. Surely she had to have some Facebook chats going on? Or maybe some of her friends could help me find out who she’d been hanging out with lately?

“Jaynie, I need you to help me.” I knew she had to at least know something. She could at least give me a lead or some clues. 

Frowning and backing away from me, she said: “Oh no! I don’t want coal for Christmas! I’m staying out of this!”

Bending my knees, and almost falling to the grown I begged her. “Come on Jaynie please! I need you and I don’t have much time!”

“No means no!” She waved her index finger back and forth at me.

“10 bucks?” I wagered with her.

“Twenty.” She straightened her face and gave me no mercy.

“Damn, Jay. I only have fifteen on me right now.” It was Christmas time, she would be getting plenty of money. 

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Ugh. Fine. Now what do I have to do? Report a missing girl?”

My heart almost stopped beating, I choked on my breath. “NO!” Dad would flip the shit if we did, because he always expected her to come back. While he was partially right in his theory, it wasn’t guaranteed. This time wouldn't be like the last time, this time was different.

Deanna felt unloved, and to be honest I understood why. Our dad wasn’t any ordinary dad, he had issues showing affection. “Just stay here and look through her computer. EVERYTHING! Her Facebook, her Twitter, her Instagram, her Snap chat! I don’t even care if you message her friends and pretend to be her! If you find anything suspicious snapshot it and send it to my phone.”

“Okey dokey.” She started to head towards her computer and then she stopped. “What are you gonna do?”

“I’m going out to get some help. I’ll be back, okay?” The only person I knew that would help me was Allyson. The timing was horrible, but it was Christmas Eve so I hoped her mother would be forgiving.

“But dad doesn’t like you driving at night.” I knew she just didn’t want me to leave. But I had to, I couldn’t let Deanna be stuck out there doing God knows what.

“I know, and that’s why I’m gonna be right back. Just cover for me alright? If dad comes home, tell him what happened, he’ll understand.” I was just about to bolt out of the door before she stopped me.

“Promise me you’re coming back?” She asked, her mouth hanging wide open in awe.

“ I promise you infinity times over.” I blew her a kiss and ran to my car.

***

I was more hurt than anything when Deanna left, but as I drove to Allyson’s house I grew tenser and tenser ever minute. All the stop signs seemed like roadblocks.

Knowing Deanna, she was probably alright, but I still worried. It was a cold world out there, and addicts would do anything for their drugs. Deanna was smart enough not to use drugs but just imagining her shooting up, made my stomach turn.

Approaching Allyson’s house, I pulled over and realized I hadn’t even put on my seat belt. I stepped out of the car and tried not to make too much noise as I slammed the door shut in a frantic way.

I knocked on the door, and rang the doorbell twice. The glass door showcased nothing but an unoccupied living room. It seemed quiet but all the lights were on, someone had to be up.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of dingy red hair and pale milky toned skin. As she made her way to the door I felt a sense of relief, I don’t know why, but I did.

She opened the door and just stared at me like she didn’t know what to say, but she spoke. “Umm, hi?”

“Hi.” I tried to keep it cool but I broke down, and ran my fingers through my hair; sighing like I had lifted a 70 pound weight. “Could you please get Allyson, I need her. It’s an emergency, I’ve got some family shit going down right now.”