Black history month is ending so I wrote this little poem a few weeks ago and decided I would share it.  And although Black history month will be over, that doesn't mean you can't celebrate it all year round....Everyone should take pride in their own culture whenever they can, not just one month out of the year. :D

There's no sensitive words in this poem but obviously it focuses around racial discrimination and things of that nature. I was actually inspired to write this after I read an article about how hard it is for black women to become professional ballerinas soooo yeah. :) 

Picture is by Jun-OH at Deviant Art :

http://jun-oh.deviantart.com/art/Btfl-speed-342703037?q=favby%3Alittlesims2chick%2F63346946&qo=7

I'm a beautiful black woman and I know I am.

Society may have a different opinion but I honestly don't give a damn.

I Grace the stage I worked hard to even be able to walk on yet you act like I don't belong there....I watch as I'm greeted with penetrating evil stares.

Perhaps it's the broad and round curve of my lips, or maybe it's the silhouette of my hips.

Or maybe it's because my nose is slightly wider than the other women.

Or it could be my kinky, coily, curly, "wild" hair.

***

You see....This industry is destructive to women in general but for a black woman it's nearly 10x as worse.

It's like having a piece of tape over your mouth and having your hands tied to the back of a chair.

"Your hair, your hair, your lips, your lips, her nose, her feet, her hair. Ugh look at her! Look at her skin complexion!" 

The same people who say that will come from behind a door and smile in your face and say "I'm sorry sweetie but we've decided to go in a different creative direction"

STOP IT! SHUT UP! Can't you see that your words are destroying me and eating me alive like some kind of infection.

Your words are like poison to my soul, you're judging me based on things that I can't even control.

There's only one thing I can ask but I don't actually say it....Why do you hate me?

What does my hair have to do with my technique? My hair is what makes me unique...Yet you make it seem like I'm some kind of a freak.

Maybe it's me, maybe they're right...I'll never be white but...Maybe I should hide my natural hair and get a weave

I mean if I get one, I'll finally fit into that creative vision that they're trying to achieve....

It was 12:05 am when I fell on my knees and I began to plead, I scratched my fingers so hard against my legs that I began to bleed...I let all their hate be planted inside of me like some sort of seed, and I never stopped it, I just allowed the hate to breed.

"Momma! I just wanna be a beautiful little ballerina, I wanna dance like the other little girls but it's like I'm trapped in a box! Momma! I'm stuck in my own little world...

And it hurts, so badly, I exercise, I'm flexible, I follow the technique, I can get a dance routine down pat for more than just 8-beats. Momma help me! Please!"

My mother said nothing, she just made me stand in front of a mirror. "Kamira, I don't know how I can make it anymore clearer,but you are a beautiful black ballerina"

***

I look down at my wide, broad feet on stage, as I make sure they're perfectly straight and the audience watches me.

I made it, even though they didn't want me to. I made it despite all of the horrible shit they put me through.

In a flash, I grab the scrunchie that is containing my "wild" hair, I rip it off and the audience stares, but I don't care.

I'm a woman, a beautiful black woman.
I may not be a white swan, but I'm a beautiful black swan.

My hair grows in coily, curly, kinky, and twisty spirals, it's been that way ever since I was a little child and that doesn't mean that I'm uncivilized or "wild."

It was that night when I looked society in the eyes and said fuck you without literally saying it.

They wanted a white ballerina on stage and, there was no way that I would waste my time portraying it.

This was me, I finally broke those God damn chains and I finally felt free.

I realized that true beauty was inside of me, and  I was only staring at the ugly face of society.

Chapter 27: If only I could read your mind: Part 1/3

Sorry it's another 3 part chapter but it makes more sense this way and if I would've combined the POV's it would've been way too long :/ 

The raindrops trickled on my window as I stood by and looked off into the distance, waiting. Even though the window was closed I could still feel the coolness in the air and I could still hear the raindrops hit the ground. Pat! Pat! Pitter-pat! The rhythm of the raindrops felt like a heartbeat as it pounded through my fingertips that were attached to the window.

I was grounded. To make a long story short, the school called and left a message, my uncle found out I ditched school last week. Even though I was grounded, he still saved my ass by writing a note, telling them he forgot to sign me out at attendance. 

I didn't have to sit in detention, but I had to sit in my room all day at home. And to top it all off, I got a random array of pimples that just took over my whole face. I had been wearing makeup all week, trying to hide the repulsive things.

My uncle decided to go the normal, typical route of punishment. "No t.v., no cellphone, no computer, no going out, no visitors." You know, that kind of stuff.

Adrianne had a different response. "No guitar, no singing, no listening to music, and most importantly....No David" I felt like besides talking to David, everything else she told me not to do was pretty ridiculous and spiteful, but hey that's Adrianne for you.

To be honest my uncle just listened to what Adrianne said, he didn't really care, but she insisted he did, claiming I would "Walk all over him," if he didn't care.

Don't get me wrong he was pretty irate because I skipped class, but as far as me smoking pot....Not so much.

Any normal person would've thought that was ridiculous but my uncle saw nothing wrong with his sentiments.

We talked that day and he pretty much told me he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to end up snorting cocaine or popping pills in the future. I could still hear his husky laugh thumping in my ears, as I stood there thinking about all of the stories he told me about his adolescent years, I started smirking. I don't think I could compare to him, even if I tried.

I stop thinking about last week and walk up stairs, going into the kitchen to get something to drink.

Adrianne and Croy were standing there talking as he stood behind her with his hands around her waist. "I can't wait to dress it up! What do you think we're having? A boy or a girl?!" She asked as her voice rang with excitement.

"Well, I think we're having a girl-You've changed A LOT, they say girls make women more erratic and random"

Adrianne swung her elbow into his side, and held his chin. "It's only been a week!"

"Yeah, a week from hell!" He laughed his ass off even though she was still looking at him.

This past week they've been all lovey-dovey after she went to the doctors. The doctor told them they could have the baby but they were going to keep the IUD inside her uterus and let everything take its natural course during labor because they didn't want to disrupt the pregnancy and possibly hurt or kill the baby by trying to remove it.

Tonight they were going out to some restaurant because Adrianne loved going out. She claimed that she couldn't stay in the house for too long and she said she liked "Seeing new sights."

Adrianne spun around and kissed Croy on the lips. "Mmm" she hummed while the ends of her lips curved upward.

Croy's eyes twinkled, and he placed his hands on her lower back, about to kiss her but Allyson ruined their moment kind of like Adrianne always ruined all of the family moments...I guess it must've been a gene that ran in their family.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah-get a room!” Allyson said as she jumped up from the couch and patted them both on the back. “Just leave already” She said, hastily as she waved her hands at them as if she were telling a stray animal to ‘shoo.'

                      Adrianne turned away from Croy and looked at her. “Don’t rush us!”

                        Croy chimed in, “Come on Adri, it was just a joke”

                        Adrianne remained steady and looked both me and Allyson in the eye assertively. “I don’t care if it was a joke or not…You girls better go to bed at a reasonable time and there shall be no visitors in this house do you understand?”

                      Me and Allyson looked at each other and spoke in unison. “Yes we understand.”

                        Allyson placed her hands on her hips and tilted her head a little as she narrowed her eyes at Adrianne “Mom, are you trying to say I’m not responsible? I am 18 you know…”

                        Adrianne snickered, as she surveyed Allyson up and down, Croy turned to the sink and finished washing the dishes he had been washing, probably not wanting to be a part of all the drama that was about to start. “Oh please! You are 18 and STILL trying to finish up high school after you decided to be stupid, you’re far from responsible” She straightened her posture again and pointed at me “SHE is grounded…So that means no music, no phone, no t.v., no-“ 

                     Allyson rolled her eyes at Adrianne “Yeah mom I get it okay” She said, with her cheeks all rosy and red. “Just leave”

      Adrianne and Allyson had really been bumping heads this whole week, I was surprised neither of them had a headache by now.

                        “We will leave when we’re ready…” Adrianne said as she walked over to the stair case with Croy and shot a teasing smile at me and Allyson. “If you girls need anything you know you can call us”

                        “Yeah-yeah we’re not babies, mom” Allyson said before plopping back down on the couch.

                      The sound of the door shutting felt so good, I was finally free. I sat down on the couch next to Allyson, glancing at the t.v. screen, she was watching Dr.Phil. “I'm bored what do you want to do? Throw a party?" I said.

                       Allyson squinted her eyes at me as she shot me a weird glance, her intimidating gaze made me feel awkward. “Nothing, I’m going to watch t.v. …You can do whatever you want though.” 

                       She sounded bitter and so defeated, she wasn't being her normal self. What I had said was a joke but clearly she was too hung up on something else to catch it. “Are you alright?”

                        She shifted around on the couch, and sighed. “I’m fine”

                       I tried to rouse her some more by saying “Oh okay well I’m going to watch t.v. with you…I guess.”

                      She didn't laugh, she didn't budge at all- not one muscle shifted in her body. “Okay, watch t.v. …I really don’t care”

                      “What’s wrong with you?!” I said, moving closer to her. “I thought you would be excited about being home alone…” My voice trailed off and almost cracked.

                       Allyson was tired of me prying around in her personal business. “BECAUSE! Okay! My mom was bringing up personal shit I don’t like talking about and now I’m laying here watching this fucked up show about girls and their ‘issues’ ” She said as she rolled her eyes. I could feel the pain in her voice but I didn't know how to react.

                              "Well why are you watching the show if it's making you angry?" I asked, baffled that she would keep watching a show that was clearly only making her more irritated.

          “Because- I DON'T KNOW! There’s nothing else to watch- and I just want to be left alone” She said, angling herself away from me and towards the t.v.

“Okay I guess I’ll leave you alone” I said as I got up from the couch, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

               Allyson nearly gave me a heart attack when she got up and shouted “No!” She paused for a moment. “Don’t go…” She reached her hand out towards me. “I’m sorry- I just…Just sit down okay”

               I sat down on the couch, it was like I bounced on the couch. “It’s okay you don't have to be sorry, I understand you" I said, trying to comfort her even though it probably wasn't helping.

               That past week me and Allyson haven't really spoken to each other. We didn't argue. and we didn't glare at each other, we just sat in silence ever since that night last week. When our eyes met everything slowed down, it was like we had this reticent respect for each other. 

Kind of like the moment we were having now. We sat there on the couch, acknowledging each other respectfully yet not saying a word. “You know sometimes you sound like Dr.Phil?” She said, as she looked from the t.v. and back to me, laughing.

                       “Ewww that’s an insult” I griped.

                      “Yeah it kind of is but at least I didn't say you look like him” She said sarcastically, before she continued.

“That’s not a nice thing to say” I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

               “So?” She shrugged her shoulders before she went off on a rant. "He's not nice. He exploits people's lives on national television, he makes them feel like shit and the worst thing is that he sits there and acts like he knows how they feel. He tries to dictate how they should live THEIR lives." She laughed some more. "Here he is having a show about teenage girls yet he's a grown ass man-on top of that he's not even a certified doctor! Who the fuck does he think he is?"

Clink Clunk! She put her feet on top of the table in front of us, wiggling her pink toes around in the air. She snickered under her breath "He may not be a certified doctor but he is a certified dick head."  She said as her sinister laughter rose.

                    

My eyes zipped straight forward to the t.v. and focused on it. Dr.Phil was wearing a grey suit and black shoes, leaning in his chair as he held a card in his hand. "Well Cristie, the statistics show that young girls like you that have a broken family are more likely to do drugs and participate in sexual activities...Do you think that's why you do some of the things you do?" His voice was odd, it was like a mix between a southerner and some other strange accent.

Cristie adjusted her legs, and looked away from Dr.Phil for a moment as she smirked and looked up at the ceiling. She was about to speak before Allyson ruined the moment.

Click. She turned off the television. "Hey! I wanted to hear what she had to say!" I shouted.

"Too bad, you don't need to hear that shit anyways...It's all bullshit. Look at you- your parents broke up but you're not doing drugs and having sex with every guy that walks your way" She said that as if she was so certain and so sure that I'd never done drugs before...Did weed really count though? I guess it did but either way I didn't think my parents and their issues had anything to do with me putting a joint between my lips.

My cheeks became inflamed as I thought about last week, I couldn't deny the fact that what I did was somewhat fun. It was like I was right there- doing it all over again, and again, and again, and again...And again! David's lips, that bitter smell of weed, the softness of his bed, Cinderella, the chips, his constant teasing, the way my heart was fleeting. Was that really wrong though? Did my parents' divorce have something to do with my attraction towards him? Or was it just some natural irresistible feeling?

It was too bad we hadn't spoken this whole week. He was pretty much in kiss-ass mode every time he saw me. "Do you need help with that? Are you okay? What did I do? Was it something I said?  I can come over and help you study, if you want..."

"HELLO! Earth to Melody!" Allyson shouted in my ear, which made me leap up from the couch and sink back down.

"Huh? What?" I asked, nearly gasping for air.

"I said- his wife probably doesn't give him any!" She was pointing towards the t.v. screen that was black.

"Allyson!" I blurted out, with my eyes nearly falling out of their sockets.

"What? It's the truth" I could hear the pressure of her fingers pushing down on the remote, she turned the t.v. on. "Look at him"

"Allyson- that's very mean and why would you even think about something like that?" I asked as I shot her a gaze full of scrutiny. 

She put her hands up in the air, trying to sustain her innocence. "Woah, woah woah! I am not interested in his dick...BUT...Let's be honest, he wouldn't be making these shows if he was having sex regularly." Her eyes were fixated on the t.v. screen which was now showing various clips of a teenage girl taking pills and fumbling around her house as she was dressed in loose sweat pants and a camisole.

As soon as the clip stopped rolling and the dramatic music stopped humming from the t.v. Allyson continued on with her ridiculous claims. "Look at him, it's obvious he has blue balls"

"You're crazy!" I laughed wildly.

"No I'm not crazy! I'm just stating the truth, half his head is bald...I bet he wishes he was young again, so then he could finally do all the shit he wanted to do back when he had the chance but he realizes he's too old for that now so he sits back and dictates how other people should live their lives"

I didn't say anything, I just kept staring at the t.v. It was like Dr.Phil wasn't even giving the girl any help, Allyson kind of was right...All he did was just exploit people and put them on the spot. "Why did you do it? What made you take drugs? Do you miss your father?" He kept asking the girl that now had her head held down as she was fiddling with her fingers.

Maybe he thought it was a good idea to catechize people until they felt coerced enough to break down on his show. My lips twitched just watching the girl desperately try to answer his questions. "Turn this off, he's pissing me off now" I nearly bit my lip as I said that.

"You see! That's what I hate about him so much..He makes it seem like girls with bad fathers do bad things..Not ALL girls are like that, it pisses me off that I fall into the category of his statistic though" The color vanished from the t.v. and the black screen was the only thing left as she turned it off. She suspired and her eyes leered off to the side in a slant. "I made so many mistakes" It was like someone sprayed water in her eyes, and it was making me slightly uncomfortable.

"You can turn your mistakes into memories that you learned from" I was trying to keep everything steady and calm, I didn't want to shake things up and ruin the motion of the ocean.

"It's too late" She whispered.

"It's never too late" I told her, but for some reason she was being resistant to every positive thing I had to say. It was like she was some water-proof clothing garment, she wasn't letting anything in.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she turned and faced me. "Everything is too late when it comes to life..."

What did she mean by that?  "Everything is too late when it comes to life?" I maundered to myself, still trying to figure out what was the meaning behind her words.

Allyson was gone though, she had disappeared upstairs and left me dazed.

What could make her have so much agony and misery? What could make her have wounds so deep that she felt like they could never be healed?

Everything was like some big secret between Adrianne and Allyson, even my uncle. He still hadn't told me about our little 2am visitor, to make matters even worse-he pretty much acted like nothing ever happened.

I hated secrets, because most of the time they were never good. Secrets were only sugar-coated lies that would soon be discovered. So why not say it like it is before someone licks all that sugar away and tastes the real pungent flavor? The truth.

Chapter 26: With Open Eyes : Part 3/3

***Suggestive/ Mild Sexual Content***

Allyson didn't say anything to me after she had her little moment, she just kept standing there looking out of her window and  I took that as my sign to leave. Talking about her mom made her snap. That little light switch inside of her turned on, I guess we all have our own triggers.

It was about 10:40pm and I was lying on my bed, trying to sleep. I was sure that nothing would work, not even counting sheep. 'Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep' Wait- How does that nursery rhyme go again? My mother always used to sign that silly nursery rhyme to us at night yet I could barely remember it. Jessica was on my mind now, I felt worried for her but I didn't know why.

My thoughts were quickly interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door. "You can come in" I said, rolling over on my side as I sat on the edge of my bed.

Croy entered the room, and I got nervous and heedful as I looked over at him. He had just finished talking to Adrianne, and I was expecting the worst of him right now.

He walked over to me and sat beside me on the edge of the bed, with his pupils wandering all over my room. I thought he was going to say something about the missing tv but instead he looked down at his feet and said "You kids grow up so fast."

I looked at him but he was still looking down. "Really? It doesn't feel like it."

"Oh, yeah?" He laughed. His laughter, comforted me and eased some of the tension in the room. "I guess it never feels that way for kids-"

"I'm not a kid anymore!" I countered.

"See! That's exactly what I mean...You kids are always in a rush to grow up no matter how much we want you to stay young forever"

"Well no one can stay young forever...That's like the universal law of life" I said, trying to be light-hearted.

"Well, that law sucks...Why would someone want to grow old?" He asked, as if it wasn't obvious.

"Because! You get to experience more things in life..For yourself. You grow as a person... You can do more things..." I said, as I stared off into the distance, wondering what that would be like.

"Every person your age says that but they don't realize that there's downsides to growing up too..."

He looked up from the ground and over at me, asking me about David. "So what happened yesterday?"

"Nothing" I said quickly, looking away from him.

"You and David are always at eachothers hip-Doesn't he have a girlfriend anyways?" He asked, raising his eyebrow as he looked at me with full intent.

"Yes, he has a girlfriend...There's nothing going on so it doesn't even matter anyways and we're not attached by the hip...I give him space" I said, nearly questioning myself. Was I really around him all the time?

"Well, people may get other ideas" He stopped talking and reached his hand out towards my face, gently turning face to the side as he kept staring. It took me a while to realize what he was doing, he was looking at my neck that I had forgotten about, it had been 2 days since that mark even existed- surely it had to have been nearly gone by now.

"Hey!" I said snatching my face away from his hand

"I'm just looking! Why are you so scared?!"

"I'm not scared, I just don't understand why you find my poision ivy so interesting"

"Poision ivy spreads all over your entire body, smart ass!" He teased, pushing my arm.

"Maybe I've discovered a new type of poision ivy, this is great we should document this!" I exclaimed, laughing even more before he started giving me that look. It was that 'Get real' kind of look.

"If a guy doesn't have respect for you or your body...He isn't worth your time" He said seriously, looking at me like I was 'one of those girls.' 

"Ugh! I know that! There's nothing going on between us! Don't look at me like I'm one of those girls-because I'm not!" I said loudly, showing my frustration.

"Who said I thought you were 'one of those girls?' Don't jump the gun. And what's up with your attitude...You've been off the wall lately"

"My attitude? I don't know what you're talking about..." 

"You and Adrianne, you and Allyson...All the fighting and unnecessary bickering"

"Well it's not my fault you married the-" I was about to say something hurtful before I caught myself.

"Married the what?" He asked, now curious to know what I was about to say.

"Nothing- it's nothing...It's just hard to get along with someone you barely know" I lied. After what Allyson told me, I really felt bad for what I was going to say before.

"Believe me, I know...I'm still adjusting myself" He laughed at himself and his eyes were wide. "Being married isn't everything it's cracked up to be"

The look on his face said it all, and if Adrianne treated him anything remotely close to how she treated me, I guess I could understand why he felt the way he did.

"Are you guys keeping the baby?" I asked, trying not to be too invasive.

"What's going on between you and David?" He was trying to avoid my quesiton and I didn't appreciate it.

"Nothing! Now tell me if I'm going to have a cousin or not!" I said, excitedly but not because I was actually excited, I just really had to know-to prepare myself in a way.

"You already have one now" He said laughing.

I rolled my eyes at him and pushed him. "Come on! Spill the beans- We're a family, families talk about these kinds of things!"

He was grinning from ear to ear, "Yeah..We're keeping it even though there's increased risks...But life is all about taking risks." He said, almost as if he were sad.

I started thinking about when he said that to me, it was kind of true and maybe he needed to take his own advice sometimes. "Well, I'm happy for you guys and you should stop dwelling on the negative possibilites" 

"You're right, but it's not that easy" He smiled at me. "Just like your situation with David...I'm right but you know it's not easy for you to stop being whatever it is that you guys are" He was clearly confused and to be honest I was too.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I told you-" 

"I wasn't born yesterday!" He said, with his voice full of wisdom. "Look, me and Adrianne are very different...I definitely don't agree with anything you're doing but I'm not going to get in your business. The least I ask of you is that you respect yourself and don't do anything stupid...When you're ready to talk to me about anything...I'm always here and I will never judge you" He patted me on the back, standing up from the bed.

I got up too, not wanting him to leave. "So that's it you're just going to get up and go to bed?" I asked, trying to stop him. "You're not even going to give me a hug?"

He laughed, "Don't be silly! Come here!" 

His arms wrapped around me and we stood there for a moment, until I realized something. I pulled away from him and looked at him in a weird way. "What?" He asked, with his face reflecting the same expression as mine.

"You know what!" I said. "You didn't tell me about David coming over here at night! He really comes over here looking for me?!" I asked, practically begging for infromation.

"Oh...THAT...Yeah, let's not talk about that" He said, backing up from me and heading towards the door.

I rushed towards him, nearly sprinting "Tell me! Please! I have to know! Why won't you tell me?!" I was too eager. Why couldn't he just confirm it?

All sense of life and exuberance faded from his face, something was wrong but I couldn't tell what exactly was wrong. This was eating me alive, I hated secrets. "Some things are better left unsaid...Some things are better left unknown, Good night Melly" He said, before shutting the door in my face. Even though he shut the door I could tell he was still standing there on the otherside of the door, he was having a moment or perhaps thinking about something. Eventually I saw him walk off and go upstairs, thanks to the window that was right by the door.

The fact that he wouldn't tell me was very confusing. Was he not telling me because he didn't want me to think David was a creep? Or was he not telling me because maybe just maybe...It wasn't even David that was coming over at night?

It still didn't make sense, I mean my bedroom was right by the door. If someone was coming over here at 2am I would hear it, right? Maybe no one was even coming over here in the first place.

My uncle's face didn't make it seem like that-he was hiding something...But what? I didn't understand why he felt like he couldn't tell me.

Curiosity can kill cats but it wasn't going to kill me. Here I was sitting on my bed, dying from not knowing what was going on. There had to be some twist to that saying "curiosity killed the cat"

I was shaking as I picked up my phone and dialed David's number, I had to know. At least if he gave me an honest answer, I could somewhat narrow down the options.

Brrrrrr, brrrrr, brrrrrr- Click!  It was his voice on the phone line but he wasn't saying the words I wanted to hear. "Hey this is David, leave me a message and maybe I'll call you back."  I hung up before I heard the beep.

Just when I thought I was getting somewhere I was shot down. I really didn't want to be pushy or annoying, and he probably was still mad at me but I still decided to text him. My fingers darted across the screen 'Hey, I have to ask you something' I hit the send button and then realized that was a dumb message. 

He was ignoring me and I knew it judging by the way the phone clicked early- he declined my call. That asshole. I texted him again 'Call me...It's important.' 

***

DAVID'S POV

An hour later...

Casey's soft skin was the only thing I felt all over me, she always looked so sexy after she came out of the shower, that was something I loved about her.

Even though we had lost the game tonight, there was still a reason to be excited.

I could feel her lips all over my chest. Her kisses were like seeds and she was like a gardener, moving down further and further dropping each seed on the ground.

I caught a glimpse of her eyes as she looked up at me,  her chin was resting right above my happy trail.

Vrrrrmm Vrrrrm! My phone was vibrating against the table, Casey's head shot up into the air and she looked at me eyed me up and down suspiciously. "What?" I asked.

"Who is that? It's 11 o clock at night...Who could possibly be texting you this late?" She inquired, like a lawyer or some other big official person. The weight of her body shifted as she got up and straddled me, only making me harder than I already was.

"You're asking me? I don't freaking know! Just ignore it..." I said, trying to get her to calm down as I rubbed her legs.

Out of all the years I've been dating her she never really questioned me, most importantly she never looked at my phone. I watched her reach over and grab it and by the time I reacted, trying to take the phone out of her hands it was too late.

She knew the passcode to my phone and it felt like I died once I heard that little clicking noise, signalling that she was now able to intrude my phone. I looked up at her sitting on top of me, just scrolling away at my phone. 

"Hmm, Melody called you and texted you-" She took her eyes off the phone and looked back at me, with her eyebrows raised. I didn't say anything, I didn't want to argue with her. "Why is she texting you and calling you at 11:52 pm DAVID?!" Ugh, everytime she got mad she always felt the need to over pronunciate my name, it was fucking annoying. 

"I don't know! I don't know why she's texting me! Just put the phone down!" I said. She was wasting my time, if she wasn't going to have sex with me then she needed to leave because now she was just making me aggravated.

"No! I'm going to text her- she needs to know that, that's not appropriate!" I reached over, trying to grab the phone from her hands but she only twisted her body away from me and started moving her fingers as she texted away on my phone. She made sure to read her text message out loud "Hey Melody! It's Casey, David's girlfriend I just want you to know that he's busy right now and will talk to you tomorrow okay, bye. Exclamation point and smiley face." 

As soon as she finished saying all that she handed the phone back to me "There" She said as she smiled and  leaned down, kissing my lips "Now where were we?" She asked.

"Get off me" I said, sharply.

"David!" She cried, looking at me like she was sorry. It's too late bitch, I thought to myself as I moved around, causing her to roll over on her side.

"I think you should go" I said quickly, looking away from her as I put my phone on the end table that was on my side of the bed.

"Really? That's how you're going to treat me just because I sent her a fucking text message...What's so special about her? You  Know I told you I saw a strange mark on her ne-"

I wasn't in the mood for this, I could roll over and go to bed for all I cared. "How many times do I have to fucking say it Casey? NOTHING is special about her, she's not even sexy-she looks like a little kid...Why are you so jealous and insecure? You're sitting here acting like a crazy bitch..Going through my phone and texting my friends. It's fucking annoying" 

"I know David I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that"  She looked like a little puppy.

"Yeah whatever, it's fine- you should still leave though, my parents will be home soon"

"David-" She kept going on and on. Why wouldn't she just get up and leave like I asked her to?

"What? I'm not even hard anymore and besides, I'm worn out after all that running around and on top of that I took a shower, you know I get tired after taking shower...I don't have enough energy to even keep up with you"

"You don't have to..." She said, smirking and giggling.

There was no need to ask another question or come up with some excuse. She pushed her arms out towards me, grabbing my arms and pinning me down as she started to straddle me again.

"Tonight, I'll take control" She whispered in my ear, licking my ear lobe, which honeslty made me feel somewhat disgusted.

Despite how tired and pissed off I was, we hadn't had sex in a long time-we were always busy so I figured I would take advantage of this opportunity. She smelled good even though I couldn't exactly describe what she smelled like.

My hands traced along her back, going down further and further until I reached that one big bump on a straight and narrow road.  

Wap!  I slapped her ass lightly and she giggled, raising herself up so she could flash me that little smile she always gave me- She liked that kind of stuff.

There was no turning back now, we were going to finish what we started.

***

Melody's POV

1am 

I had finally drifted off to sleep despite how stupid, intimidated, and paranoid I felt. 

Vrmmm vrmmm! My phone vibrated in the middle of the night, breaking my sleep. Even though I was tired as shit, my heart was up and running like it hadn't even been sleeping.

My eyes burned like someone poured acid in them as the light from my phone cut through them. New Text message -David: 'What?' I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

Did he seriously have the nerve to send me a one worded text message at 1am in the morning? That wasn't even worth waking up for. I looked up at the text message before the one he had just sent, for like the 5 millionth time. 'Hey Melody! It's Casey. David's girlfriend...I just want you to know that he's busy right now and will talk to you tomorrow okay, bye! :)'

Casey's text message was odd, I tried to decipher whether or not she was being sarcastic or just easy going. 

That jealous feeling arrived when I first read the text message, and it started coming back as I sat here, reading it yet again-wondering what they were doing earlier. I mean it was 11pm when I sent him those texts, what would they be doing at 11pm? I had been too scared to text him back, it was too risky. I wondered why I even texted him in the first place, this was silly.

It felt like an earthquake was going on inside my phone as it vibrated in my hand. New Text message-David: 'So you're just going to read my message and not text back? Nice...Goodnight'

I quickly glanced over at the time he had sent me the message before that one '1:14' I looked up above and saw that is was 1:20, I had spent 6 minutes looking at that foolish text Casey had sent. That little check mark probably popped up on his screen, letting him know I had seen his text but hadn't responded. Who invented those little check marks anyways? Those little pixelated checkmarks only led to fights and drama, hence why I barely watch tv or use the internet or anything tech related-it was advancing the world but destroying the people at the same time.

It was like a race as my fingers moved across the pixelated keyboard. 'Call me'

My hands were vibrating again, I looked at the box that flashed across the screen. New Text message-David: 'Why?' 

Forget it, I was just going to go to bed. I texted him back 'Nevermind. Goodnight' Send.

I laid down on my side, sighing and squinting, in 4 hours I would have to get up, sleep wasn't even a question anymore.

"It's hard to remember how it felt before, Now I found the love of my life, Passes things get more comfortable, Everything is going right"  My phone sang out my ringtone, I loved Gwen Stefani back when she was in her prime and that was one of my favorite songs. Instead of making a song that was full of hate and bitterness towards her ex (Tony Kanal), she made a song about how they could still be friends and respect eachother, it was something I always admired about her.

My fingers slid the white and green telephone button across the screen, answering the call. "Hello?" I said as I turned over on my back, looking up at the ceiling.

"What do you want?" David asked, promptly. Despite his somewhat rude demeanor his smooth voice enraptured me.

"It's late" I said, growing nervous inside.

"Yup." That three lettered word, made all the difference. It was obvious he didn't want to be bothered. Especially the way he popped the 'p' on the end of the word.

I started wondering if maybe I shouldn't have said that because neither of us spoke during that moment. 

Trying to break the ice, and even out the rough edges I asked him, "How was your game?" I know that was probably a bad move considering the fact that he knew I could care less about sports, but it was still worth a try.

"Okay."

"Okay? What does okay mean?! Did you win or lose" I asked, growing impatient with his attitude.

"We lost" He said, almost as if he was proud of it.

"Why do you sound like that?" I asked.

"Like what?"

"Like that- so delighted and proud when you lost"

He laughed, sarcastically. "It's a guy thing-I wouldn't expect you to understand it"

It was like I was staring through a crystal ball as I envisioned him laying down with that smug smile on his face. He could go to bed with that attitude, I was not staying up to deal with it.

"Goodnight, David" I tried to quickly, end the phone call, I had the phone away from my ear but I could still hear him.

"Wait!" He yelled from the other end of the line.

I put my phone back up to my ear, "What?! I'm trying to get some sleep!" I lied.

"If you were trying to get some sleep why did you answer the phone?"

I didn't speak.

"Exactly!"

"Whatever!" I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up and get to the point already, what did you have to ask me?"

"Excuse me?" The pitch of my voice raised a little.

"I SAID GET-TO-THE-" He was talking all loud, slow and exaggerated as if I hadn't heard what he had said before.

I cut him off. "That's enough! I get it David, I don't need your attitude, I've been nothing but nice to you"

He laughed. "You gave me the most disgusting attitude earlier today"

"And?"

AND?!?! What makes you think you deserve to be treated nicely now...? Do you even know what karma is?"

"Of course I know what karma is, I also know that there's a little thing called 'being the better person" I rolled my eyes, I was beginning to think he just liked hearing himself talk.

"Fuck that" He said, laughing his ass off down the other line.

He just kept making me more and more frustrated. "So are you going to keep laughing or can I ask my question?"

"Go ahead, feisty"

I sighed, and I knew he could hear it. "ANYWAYS...Are you the one who keeps coming to my house at night? Were you here last night at 2am?!"

David laughed again, not answering my question.

"ANSWER ME!" 

"I'm sorry but that was just sooo unexpected and-I just-Oh my god...Give me a second" He said, still laughing away.

He finally calmed down and started talking like a normal person. "Okay listen-"

I could smell him, and I could see him. His blue eyes, his brown hair, his tan skin-I didn't even need a picture, my mind was my own camera, taking photographs of David for me. "I'm listening" I said quitely.

"Don't get me wrong, you're a cool person to be around and everything but I wouldn't waste my time coming to your house nearly every night- I have better things to do than hang around on your doorstep...TRUST ME." 

It was like I was an ugly mutant with 8 legs,  8 arms, and 8 heads , walking around the town with drool hanging down the side of my mouth. I could already picture David standing beside me, with a paper bag over his head.

"Hello?" He asked. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here." I said lethargically.

"Oh okay, so why didn't you say anything?" 

"Because, I heard what I needed to hear. There's nothing else for me to say...Goodnight, David" I desperately tried to hold back the hint of sadness in my voice but I knew he could probably tell, especially since I didn't say anything before.

With rapid fire, I took my phone away from my ear and ended the call.

 Chapter 26: With Open Eyes: Part 2/3

I got home on time like my uncle asked me to and guess what? He wasn't even there. Allyson was no where to be found, but Adrianne was home. She was standing by her easel, painting her little heart away, I admired her dedication.
"You're home...Early" She said, like I wasn't supposed to be there or something.
"Yeah, well you guys told me not to come home late anymore" I said, as if it were obvious, but clearly she didn't follow.
"That's not what we said, in fact I didn't even say anything-Croy did. He only said not to stay out that late without answering your phone."
"Oh well that's not how I interpreted it last night" I mumbled.
She didn't say anything, she just kept painting, letting her back face me. Did she ever learn proper conversation etiquette? How dare she turn her back on me.
"Where's everyone?" I asked. My eyes roamed around the room, as if Allyson or Croy would suddenly appear at the snap of my fingers.
"Allyson is at work...She'll be home in like 3 hours and Croy is backed up with some patients in the hospital."
"Okay, well I'm gonna be in my room"

Tuft. Adrianne finally decided to put her painting materials down and actually turn around to face me before I walked away. "Wait!" She cried.
"Yeah?"
"Is that guy coming over?" She asked, raising the pitch in her voice and offending me with her eyes.
"Who?" I asked, pretending not to know what she was talking about.
"You know who I'm talking about, the brown haired guy with the baby blue eyes, he's always coming over here almost every night! How do you not know who I'm talking about?!"
I grimaced at her, she was pulling things out of her ass that weren't even true-well at least, half of what she said wasn't true. And I didn't appreciate her attitude either, she did realize that we were technically family now, right? "He's not over here every night. The last time he came over was thanksgiving and then we went out to the park" We were at the park but we scattered off into the woods, did she really need to know all that? I continued on, defending myself. "Last night I was with him but I won't be around him any-"
"Don't lie to me! I saw the mark on your neck, when you walked in that night!" She walked closer to me, pointing her finger in my face and it felt like she was pointing a gun at me. "And last night he was over here, at 2am- I'm not silly, Croy isn't silly, Allyson isn't silly, we're not silly!" She was raising her voice even more now.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" I yelled, she was insulting me and I couldn't let that fly.

"Don't lie to me! He was here last night at 2am causing a commotion with Croy AGAIN! You better tell him to stop coming around here and you need to stop acting like we don't know what's going on...We're well aware"
"Well aware of what?! He wasn't here last night! I was sleeping at 2am, I have no idea what you're friggin talking about!" I was trying so hard not to drop an f bomb,  today really was not my day and I was on edge.
"You took a bath as soon as you came home last night...What were you doing with him?!"
Vulgar language was about to spring board off the tip of my tongue, and jump out at Adrianne like a poison dart frog. My teeth squeezed my tongue between them, I literally bit my tongue.
"Answer me!" She ordered.
"I don't have to answer to you! I told you he wasn't here last night and I'm not some- some-I'm not a..." It was obvious what she thought I did, and I was deeply disturbed, offended, and riled up by her subliminal accusation. "I'm not a whore! How dare you say things like that and you barely even know me...You've only been living here for a month and we still barely know each other!"
"You're right, I've only been here for a month but I know that boy comes over here almost every night looking for you" She still insisted on talking about something she obviously didn't even know.
Her face was nearly touching my face, her breath was warm and her words spilled out like lava from a volcano. "You can lie now but don't worry...You won't be able to lie when Croy and Allyson get here."
Was that a threat? "Screw this, I'm not going to sit here and hear your lies...Maybe you should ask Allyson who comes over here almost every night, because it's definitely not David...Trust me, if David came here at TWO IN THE MORNING he would be much more discrete about it."

Adrianne didn't say anything after what I said, all she did was say "Hmph!" Which didn't even count as words or a sentence.  She barely even knew her own daughter, she barely even talked to her around the house, all they did was argue so I wouldn't be surprised if she had no idea what was going on in her life. Adrianne-0 Melody-1  , so far I was in the lead.
A sharp twist was felt inside of my stomach as I thought about her and Denver. Was something going on between them? Were they a 'thing?' Was he the one coming over here at night and was she putting the blame on me? It definitely sounded like something she would do.
I could see them that day of the wedding, coming down the stairs, holding hands, smiling, the way his hair blew in the wind and fluttered around his face like a bird's wings do as it jets across the sky. Jealousy was brewing inside of me.
No fuck that, fuck him, fuck them, fuck whatever they had. He wasn't even worth my time anyways.
My eyes walked out of dream world and walked through the dusky, deceased alley known as reality. ' If sec (a+15) = csc (2a), find the smallest positive value of a, in degrees.'  These math problems were really making my brain hurt. Who ever thought it was a smart idea to combine letters and numbers in math? I want his name and his address, so I can slap him.

The warmth from my breath on my lips was somewhat comforting as I sighed, slumping around on my bed as I looked out into space, thinking about what to do. Doing homework wasn't an option because clearly nothing was making sense to me and the stress was too overwhelming.
Immediately, my mind rushed to the thought of David, but he was probably busy doing some football stuff. Even if he wasn't busy now, he still wouldn't want to talk to me after what I said to him. He was easy to laugh with and just care free, he really knew how to enjoy life even if he didn't make some of the best decisions. But what about Casey?
Now my brain was hurting even more. I had to stop doing that to myself, he should've known better, he was just as wrong as I was.
I was itching to know if what Adrianne had said was possibly true, even though I was pretty sure it wasn't, I still wanted to know for sure. But I wouldn't bother him now.
My guitar stood in the corner of the room like an alluring fountain, demure yet resilient. The urge to play was prominent, I had pins and needles all over my body like I was participating in acupuncture. Play me. Prick! Pick me up. Prick!  Glide your fingers against my riveting strings. Prick!  

It felt so natural to pick up my guitar and strum away on those delicate strings I had known far too well. All of those bumps and rigid structures tingled off of my fingers as I strummed up and down those steel strings. When my guitar sang it had a unique tone, it's own voice that couldn't even be overshadowed by a choir full of guitars.
The vibrations seeped into the air and soaked into my body like water on a paper towel. My phone was resting gently on my bed, playing 'Viva La Vida' by Cold Play. The way the violins played on this track was just sensational. They were so fierce, hot like fire, and sharp with fury.
"It was a wicked and wild wind, blew down the doors to let me in, shattered windows and the sound of drums, people couldn't believe what I'd become." I could feel the vibrations in my neck and between my lips as I hummed. Something about humming was so slight and calm, I was still singing- just in a different way. In a way I was restricting myself, but then again I really didn't feel like moving my lips and I know that's like a whole new level of lazy.
After the song came to an end and the sounds started fading I scrolled through the screen to play another. I laid there on my bed, getting absorbed into the music and just zoning out. There was no need to think, and there was no need to stress, the only thing I needed to do was follow the flow of the music and let it lead me.

***

5 hours later

It took all the strength in me to drag myself to the dinner table when everyone was home, so you can imagine how I felt that night as we all sat there discussing various things after dinner.
To a musician, 5 hours feels like 5 minutes. The world could end and stop spinning but as long as the song kept playing, they probably would be too lost to notice-or at least that's how it was for me.
"So how should we begin?" Croy asked, with tranquility all in his voice as he looked around at us all. You know, he never really was the kind of person to yell or get excited about things-except Adrianne, she was the only thing that made him excited.
I felt so tense and stiff, I didn't even want to move around. Something about this was just, wrong. The air felt colder and it felt like I was sinking through the cushions of the couch.
"Let's talk about that boy!" She urged, which made me roll my eyes. Why did she have to call him 'that boy', it annoyed me to no end.

"What about him?" I asked, shrugging my arms as if it were nothing. Allyson was sitting beside me, clearly enjoying this little show her mom was putting on, I wanted to slap that smile off of her face.

"He gave you a hickey! And he was over here at 2am last night. That's what!" She screeched.
I was about to speak but, I didn't even have to. Croy turned to her, and rubbed her back. "There's no reason for this to feel like an interrogation room" He laughed at his own little comment. "And besides, that doesn't matter"
"Yes it does matter! Are you saying you're okay with a boy coming over here at 2 in the morning for your NIECE!?" She retorted, ignoring his suggestion for her to calm down.
His face fell flat and his lips were straight, even a perfectly 180 degree line couldn't be as straight as his lips were. "Drop it."
Even after he politely and sternly told her to 'shut the fuck up' she still had something to say. "You're being too loose with her! Fix the problem now otherwise she will walk all over you!"
He sighed, and it was obvious he was trying his best not to roll his eyes or say something remotely rude with me and Allyson in the room. "I'll talk to her later...This just isn't the time to talk about this so drop it."
Adrianne threw her leg up over her other leg that was still on the floor, crossing her legs. "Fine, but you better fix the issue" She muttered, squirming around in her seat.

Things got very awkward after that moment, Adrianne was still looking at Croy like she would stab him, I guess she shows her love in a different way. Adrianne- 0 Melody- 2, she really needed to step her game up.
He cleared his throat. "So what else?"
It was obvious Adrianne didn't want to talk about anything else except me and David even though my uncle didn't want to hear about it. That didn't stop her from trying to make me look like a 'bad girl', yet again.
"The music...I can't stand the music, you know I get migraines" She said, clearly trying to evoke some sympathy.
Allyson laughed, "Oh please! Since when?!" Thank god I wasn't the only one that sensed the bullshit in her statement.

"Since things started changing in my body" Adrianne said while looking at Croy but he didn't seem to acknowledge her.
"Well as a family we have to meet each other half way...Mel you can still play your music but do it in the basement from now on" He said, trying to fix the problem when really he just made it worse.
Of course Adrianne wasn't even happy with that, even though she wasn't being asked to give up what she loved doing. "She does play in the basement, when that boy is over...But I can still hear her-There's too much noise!"

Yet again she called him 'that boy'  but that wasn't even what annoyed me the most about what she said. The fact that she said I played my guitar in the basement when he comes over, pissed me off. It was like she was implying that I had something to hide or perhaps we were doing something else in the basement, which was absolutely ridiculous. She made no logical sense at all, if she heard us playing music or what she refers to as 'noise' , how could she possibly think we were doing something else? It's kind of hard to have sex and play a guitar, I'm just saying.
"You can use ear plugs Adri" 'Adri' that was his little nickname for her.  "But yeah, Mel you should limit your playing time to a reasonable amount and only play about 3 times a week."
Was he seriously going to treat me that way because she was his beautiful and bitchy wife now? "That's not fair!" I shouted.

"I'm sorry but maybe Adrianne will be okay with you playing more often, you should ask her"

Screw that, I wasn't asking her anything. If she wanted to play that game, she could play it but I wasn't going to entertain her shit anymore. "No, it's fine" I mumbled, crossing my arms and slouching further down into the cushions.

The only thing I wanted to do was go in my room, lock the door and lay on my bed. What else was there to talk about anyways?
"Well, I guess the next thing we should talk about is Christmas- what do you guys want to do? I think we should do something special together since there has been alot of change in all of our lives recently" He suggested, but of course Adrianne shut him down.
"I think we should all celebrate Christmas here at home, that will be special enough honey" Adrianne was clearly the one who wore the pants in their relationship even though she barely made as much money as him. If I were him I would've put her in her place and told her she wasn't making any decisions in this house until she started paying some of the bills. "What do you think girls?" She asked, making it seem like she had the perfect idea.

"Eh, you know how I feel about Christmas mom..This time of season, all the memories-" Adrianne said, sounding unenthusiastic.
"I don't care how you feel about it, you're celebrating it with us and what about you Melody?" She said looking over at me as if she were expecting something wild to come out of my mouth.
I shrugged, she was pushy and acted like a queen. "I don't care what we do, I'm easy"

"Okay good then what do you guys want for Christmas?" She asked, taking over the conversation that Croy initially started.
As if Allyson had been bit by a spider, she jumped from her seat a little bit. "A TV!"
My eyes shot wide open, as if my eyelids had exploded or something. This was perfect, I hated watching TV and the TV in my room was just collecting dust. "You can take mine" I said.
"Really?" Allyson seemed surprised, like I was joking or something.
"Yeah, I don't watch tv...You can even take it right now. It's taking up space in my room"
Allyson smiled, "Wow, ummm. Thanks?" She said that more like a question rather than a statement. I guess she couldn't understand why I was being generous. Even though Allyson flashed me an awkward smile, it was still the first time Allyson actually smiled at me, usually she was throwing daggers at me with her eyes.

Sergeant Adrianne ruined the moment, as usual. "Uh-uh-uh" she said,waving her index finger from side to side like a Foucault pendulum. "We aren't done yet...Melody didn't say what she wants for Christmas." Her eyes were on me again.
I didn't even have to think long and hard about this "I want some privacy and an aquatic turtle, like a red-eared slider."

      Adrianne rolled her eyes. "Reptilian animals smell like piss, and why would you need privacy? You're only 15 years old, you don't need privacy-privacy is for adults"

     Croy shook his head, sighing and looking at Adrianne like she was crazy, because she was. "She's going to be 16 in a few weeks, I think she deserves privacy, everyone deserves privacy no matter how old they are and you have to respect that" Croy said before he started looking confused "Wait-How can we give you privacy though?"

   "It's simple. I want curtains for the Windows- dark ones and since I can't have a turtle, I want a shower" I said, looking over at Adrianne as she rolled her eyes in dismay.
    Croy quickly refuted her statement she had said about the turtle "No, you can have your turtle and ill make some calls, regarding the shower situation-I can't guarantee it will happen though"
     I smiled, Adrianne-0 Melody-3,I was really good at this game . "Thanks...What do you want for Christmas?" I asked him before I got cut off by Adrianne's dramatic ass interruption.

      She got up from her seat and looked at us all like she had done something wrong, perhaps she wanted to apologize. That would've been the best thing to do but when she opened her mouth to speak she didn't say those two little words that could make a huge difference 'I'm sorry.'
Instead she poured out a bunch of words like her mouth was the Niagara falls, full of force and a wild rush. "Guys, I guess you want to know why I've been acting so different lately... And why I've been kind of on the edge. I think this is the best time to say this since we're all here together."
    We all looked around at each other, and then looked back at her, wanting her to carry on with what she had to say. "Spit it out already!" Allyson said impatiently.
    Her voice got lower and slower. "Well, I'm-I'm pregnant!" She exclaimed.
It was like an elephant had stepped into the room, no one said anything we all just kind of looked at her like she didn't belong there.  This felt too soon, and I know life is unexpected but something just didn't feel right.

"WHAT?!?!" Croy shouted, with his eyes wide and his mouth still hanging wide open.

Damn, he did not take that as well as I thought he would. Adrianne was his queen, his reason for living, she was his everything. I didn't understand why he was acting like he didn't want it, he always wanted kids but never found the right one, until now.
"Yes sweetie, you're going to be a father" She  looked down at the ground, like she was embarrassed. "Are you happy or upset? You're making it hard for me to tell right now"

He shook his head back and forth. "I don't understand...I THOUGHT YOU HAD AN IUD!?" He nearly shouted, despite his obvious effort to remain somewhat calm
"An IUD!" Allyson got up from her seat, grinning away. "Damn, mom I guess you did learn after those 5 abortions you had"
An IUD? 5 abortions!? What the fuck was going on?!? This was too much for me to take in. I couldn't tell if Allyson was joking or not but I kept listening and just observing, watching Adrianne's face grow redder and redder by the second, it must've been true. "Soooo mom... What makes this baby different from the other 5?" She said, harshly.
Croy threw his hand up at Allyson, making her get quiet. "How are you pregnant?! Aren't the chances of getting pregnant slim to none with those things? How long have you had that thing? How long have you even known you were pregnant?" He threw question, after question, after question at her, the pressure was on.

She was silent but then she frowned. "I've had it for 4 years now, they last about 10 years Croy, you should know that! I took a test last week, I've only known this for 3 days...I can't control what happens to my body, yeah the chances of getting pregnant with an IUD are very slim but it happened" She stopped talking and kept staring at him, studying his posture and everything about him. "You should be happy, this is like..a gift. It was like this was meant to be, we had the odds against us yet I'm pregnant. Be happy!" She shouted out to him, as if he would just start jumping up and down and bowing down to her feet just because she said so.
"Are you sure the IUD is still even in you...I mean what if it came out or got knocked out of place or something?" He asked.
"Why do you insist on asking questions?! Do you not want the baby?!" She threw her hands up in the air, rolling her eyes and looking over at me and Allyson who were just sitting there watching them.
"It's not that I don't want it! I do-I'm just worried...This is kind of risky, don't you know that?" He said, getting up and walking over to her.
"There's nothing to be worried about Croy, I'll make a doctors appointment since you're so 'worried' about the baby, better yet I can just get rid of it, If that's what you want" She griped.
Allyson sucked her teeth. "Wow mom you're a disgrace, I can't even look at you...Sometimes I'm ashamed that you're even my mother."
Adrianne turned to her and was about to yell at her, it was so obvious. The look in her eyes, the tense muscles in her throat, she was going to yell but Croy stopped her. "We're not talking about this in front of them..We've said enough now let's finish this conversation privately" He looked her in the eye when he said that, and she didn't even say anything. They just walked upstairs and disappeared from our sight.

***

"Do you like it?" I asked Allyson, as I stood there in her pink room, looking at the tv we had just moved, thanks to the help of girl power. (We actually took many breaks, but at least we got it done)  My eyes gazed over her room, I would expect her to like the color black-not pink. That was my bad judgement.
"Yeah! Of course I like it-otherwise I wouldn't have dragged it all the way up here" She replied.
"No! YOU didn't drag it all the way up here-I helped too!" I teased.
"Come on, look at you- I did the majority of the lifting..If you call your whining and moaning help then yeah, I guess you definitely helped alot! " She laughed at me.

I put my hands around my chest, gripping my self tightly while looking down at the ground.
"I'm sorry if I offended you, it was just a joke" Her voice was dripping with caution, and it looked like she was walking on eggshells as she slowly walked over to me.
"Look, I know I can be a bitch sometimes but, you just don't understand my humor...I really didn't mean to offend you-that time"
The touch of her hand against my shoulder, made me shake. "I don't care about what you said Allyson, I'm trying to listen to your mother and my uncle-Shh!" I said, placing my ear against the wall.
Adrianne started dying of laughter. "Nice try! Those walls are heavily insulated, I can tell- I never hear anything from their room"

I backed away from the wall and felt bad for being so nosy, that was none of my business.
"What's the matter?" Allyson said, noticing the hint of guilt on my face.
"I don't know, I'm just confused"
"Confused about what?"
Since Allyson was being nice right now I figured I wouldn't let this moment go to waste. "Was it true?" I asked, feeling bad for asking but my curiosity was getting the best of me.

             "Is what true?" She asked.
     "You know, everything you said about your mom-The abortions-Did she really...You know-"
     Adrianne sighed, "Yeah, she did...She had 5 abortions. My mom had me when she was 16, she doesn't choose good men, hence why she had 5 abortions but I don't blame her...I know I'm a hassle so I can see why she had those abortions even though I don't agree with it."

"Oh" Was the only thing I could say, I didn't know what else to say.
"I know you're probably thinking it's alot or you're either thinking that she's a slut...Trust me I know what you're thinking...I felt that way about my mom for 12 years now, I'm disgusted by her actions..I always wanted a little sister or a little brother to teach, to love, to be with- It's lonely being an only child." She turned her back to me and looked out the window on the door that led to the balcony. "It's lonely being an only child when your mom is young and still trying to live her life, still trying to live her dream, still trying to find love, all while leaving you behind and then wondering why you resent her so much...It's hard and I'll never forgive her for the horrible life she gave me, I'll never forgive her for the years she stole from me, I'll never forgive her for what she did to my father-" Her voice cracked at the end of her sentence.
Allyson's pain was like a new born baby, just crying and letting it's tears fill the room right now. I could feel it, I could touch the walls and feel the tears run off on my fingertips. It was obvious that was a touchy subject for her and I wasn't going to say anything despite how I opened my mouth like I was going to say something.

Her voice was like a crack of thunder, she was on the verge of tears now and the rain was about to sweep in and flood this room. "She had her chance! She had her chance to be a mother, a true mother! She had her chance with me but she didn't make the effort! A mother doesn't hand their kids off to their family and friends just so she can go out and have fun! A mother doesn't tell her child to shut up when they're crying! A mother doesn't run off with some random guy for the weekend and tell her daughter she'll be back tomorrow just to appease her! She had her chance-She had her fucking chance! She had her chance FIVE TIMES to at least be a good mother but she turned around and let someone murder her innocent children! And now she's pregnant and so excited to be a mom...She doesn't deserve to be a mother, she doesn't even know what a mother is!"
Damn, Allyson's words really moved me that night. We both had issues with our moms, but she made mine seem petty. Her wounds were much deeper than mine. Her years of resentment and disappointment only allowed her to keep digging a deeper and deeper hole for her to fall in and disappear- completely shutting herself off from her mother. I felt her pain, and I wanted her to know that but I couldn't bring myself to talk about my own mom, let alone comment on anything she just said- it wasn't my place to.

She was a hurricane, ripping through a city and breaking through the sky, overshadowing the sun. A levee was pointless, she couldn't be stopped, she was going to flood every town, every city, every nation, and make them all fall down to her knees and cry as she inflicted her own pain upon them.
Allyson broke the silence again when she made a sarcastic laugh. "You know she has the nerve to shun me for my sex life yet she's been with so many guys I've lost count. She's such a hypocrite and I hate her-She's so desperate to fall in love, desperate to find that one guy that will fill that void in her heart, she's so desperate to please a man, she's so desperate to be someone's one and only, she's so desperate to love someone else....But she's not desperate to love me."