Chapter 26: With Open Eyes: Part 2/3

I got home on time like my uncle asked me to and guess what? He wasn't even there. Allyson was no where to be found, but Adrianne was home. She was standing by her easel, painting her little heart away, I admired her dedication.
"You're home...Early" She said, like I wasn't supposed to be there or something.
"Yeah, well you guys told me not to come home late anymore" I said, as if it were obvious, but clearly she didn't follow.
"That's not what we said, in fact I didn't even say anything-Croy did. He only said not to stay out that late without answering your phone."
"Oh well that's not how I interpreted it last night" I mumbled.
She didn't say anything, she just kept painting, letting her back face me. Did she ever learn proper conversation etiquette? How dare she turn her back on me.
"Where's everyone?" I asked. My eyes roamed around the room, as if Allyson or Croy would suddenly appear at the snap of my fingers.
"Allyson is at work...She'll be home in like 3 hours and Croy is backed up with some patients in the hospital."
"Okay, well I'm gonna be in my room"

Tuft. Adrianne finally decided to put her painting materials down and actually turn around to face me before I walked away. "Wait!" She cried.
"Yeah?"
"Is that guy coming over?" She asked, raising the pitch in her voice and offending me with her eyes.
"Who?" I asked, pretending not to know what she was talking about.
"You know who I'm talking about, the brown haired guy with the baby blue eyes, he's always coming over here almost every night! How do you not know who I'm talking about?!"
I grimaced at her, she was pulling things out of her ass that weren't even true-well at least, half of what she said wasn't true. And I didn't appreciate her attitude either, she did realize that we were technically family now, right? "He's not over here every night. The last time he came over was thanksgiving and then we went out to the park" We were at the park but we scattered off into the woods, did she really need to know all that? I continued on, defending myself. "Last night I was with him but I won't be around him any-"
"Don't lie to me! I saw the mark on your neck, when you walked in that night!" She walked closer to me, pointing her finger in my face and it felt like she was pointing a gun at me. "And last night he was over here, at 2am- I'm not silly, Croy isn't silly, Allyson isn't silly, we're not silly!" She was raising her voice even more now.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" I yelled, she was insulting me and I couldn't let that fly.

"Don't lie to me! He was here last night at 2am causing a commotion with Croy AGAIN! You better tell him to stop coming around here and you need to stop acting like we don't know what's going on...We're well aware"
"Well aware of what?! He wasn't here last night! I was sleeping at 2am, I have no idea what you're friggin talking about!" I was trying so hard not to drop an f bomb,  today really was not my day and I was on edge.
"You took a bath as soon as you came home last night...What were you doing with him?!"
Vulgar language was about to spring board off the tip of my tongue, and jump out at Adrianne like a poison dart frog. My teeth squeezed my tongue between them, I literally bit my tongue.
"Answer me!" She ordered.
"I don't have to answer to you! I told you he wasn't here last night and I'm not some- some-I'm not a..." It was obvious what she thought I did, and I was deeply disturbed, offended, and riled up by her subliminal accusation. "I'm not a whore! How dare you say things like that and you barely even know me...You've only been living here for a month and we still barely know each other!"
"You're right, I've only been here for a month but I know that boy comes over here almost every night looking for you" She still insisted on talking about something she obviously didn't even know.
Her face was nearly touching my face, her breath was warm and her words spilled out like lava from a volcano. "You can lie now but don't worry...You won't be able to lie when Croy and Allyson get here."
Was that a threat? "Screw this, I'm not going to sit here and hear your lies...Maybe you should ask Allyson who comes over here almost every night, because it's definitely not David...Trust me, if David came here at TWO IN THE MORNING he would be much more discrete about it."

Adrianne didn't say anything after what I said, all she did was say "Hmph!" Which didn't even count as words or a sentence.  She barely even knew her own daughter, she barely even talked to her around the house, all they did was argue so I wouldn't be surprised if she had no idea what was going on in her life. Adrianne-0 Melody-1  , so far I was in the lead.
A sharp twist was felt inside of my stomach as I thought about her and Denver. Was something going on between them? Were they a 'thing?' Was he the one coming over here at night and was she putting the blame on me? It definitely sounded like something she would do.
I could see them that day of the wedding, coming down the stairs, holding hands, smiling, the way his hair blew in the wind and fluttered around his face like a bird's wings do as it jets across the sky. Jealousy was brewing inside of me.
No fuck that, fuck him, fuck them, fuck whatever they had. He wasn't even worth my time anyways.
My eyes walked out of dream world and walked through the dusky, deceased alley known as reality. ' If sec (a+15) = csc (2a), find the smallest positive value of a, in degrees.'  These math problems were really making my brain hurt. Who ever thought it was a smart idea to combine letters and numbers in math? I want his name and his address, so I can slap him.

The warmth from my breath on my lips was somewhat comforting as I sighed, slumping around on my bed as I looked out into space, thinking about what to do. Doing homework wasn't an option because clearly nothing was making sense to me and the stress was too overwhelming.
Immediately, my mind rushed to the thought of David, but he was probably busy doing some football stuff. Even if he wasn't busy now, he still wouldn't want to talk to me after what I said to him. He was easy to laugh with and just care free, he really knew how to enjoy life even if he didn't make some of the best decisions. But what about Casey?
Now my brain was hurting even more. I had to stop doing that to myself, he should've known better, he was just as wrong as I was.
I was itching to know if what Adrianne had said was possibly true, even though I was pretty sure it wasn't, I still wanted to know for sure. But I wouldn't bother him now.
My guitar stood in the corner of the room like an alluring fountain, demure yet resilient. The urge to play was prominent, I had pins and needles all over my body like I was participating in acupuncture. Play me. Prick! Pick me up. Prick!  Glide your fingers against my riveting strings. Prick!  

It felt so natural to pick up my guitar and strum away on those delicate strings I had known far too well. All of those bumps and rigid structures tingled off of my fingers as I strummed up and down those steel strings. When my guitar sang it had a unique tone, it's own voice that couldn't even be overshadowed by a choir full of guitars.
The vibrations seeped into the air and soaked into my body like water on a paper towel. My phone was resting gently on my bed, playing 'Viva La Vida' by Cold Play. The way the violins played on this track was just sensational. They were so fierce, hot like fire, and sharp with fury.
"It was a wicked and wild wind, blew down the doors to let me in, shattered windows and the sound of drums, people couldn't believe what I'd become." I could feel the vibrations in my neck and between my lips as I hummed. Something about humming was so slight and calm, I was still singing- just in a different way. In a way I was restricting myself, but then again I really didn't feel like moving my lips and I know that's like a whole new level of lazy.
After the song came to an end and the sounds started fading I scrolled through the screen to play another. I laid there on my bed, getting absorbed into the music and just zoning out. There was no need to think, and there was no need to stress, the only thing I needed to do was follow the flow of the music and let it lead me.

***

5 hours later

It took all the strength in me to drag myself to the dinner table when everyone was home, so you can imagine how I felt that night as we all sat there discussing various things after dinner.
To a musician, 5 hours feels like 5 minutes. The world could end and stop spinning but as long as the song kept playing, they probably would be too lost to notice-or at least that's how it was for me.
"So how should we begin?" Croy asked, with tranquility all in his voice as he looked around at us all. You know, he never really was the kind of person to yell or get excited about things-except Adrianne, she was the only thing that made him excited.
I felt so tense and stiff, I didn't even want to move around. Something about this was just, wrong. The air felt colder and it felt like I was sinking through the cushions of the couch.
"Let's talk about that boy!" She urged, which made me roll my eyes. Why did she have to call him 'that boy', it annoyed me to no end.

"What about him?" I asked, shrugging my arms as if it were nothing. Allyson was sitting beside me, clearly enjoying this little show her mom was putting on, I wanted to slap that smile off of her face.

"He gave you a hickey! And he was over here at 2am last night. That's what!" She screeched.
I was about to speak but, I didn't even have to. Croy turned to her, and rubbed her back. "There's no reason for this to feel like an interrogation room" He laughed at his own little comment. "And besides, that doesn't matter"
"Yes it does matter! Are you saying you're okay with a boy coming over here at 2 in the morning for your NIECE!?" She retorted, ignoring his suggestion for her to calm down.
His face fell flat and his lips were straight, even a perfectly 180 degree line couldn't be as straight as his lips were. "Drop it."
Even after he politely and sternly told her to 'shut the fuck up' she still had something to say. "You're being too loose with her! Fix the problem now otherwise she will walk all over you!"
He sighed, and it was obvious he was trying his best not to roll his eyes or say something remotely rude with me and Allyson in the room. "I'll talk to her later...This just isn't the time to talk about this so drop it."
Adrianne threw her leg up over her other leg that was still on the floor, crossing her legs. "Fine, but you better fix the issue" She muttered, squirming around in her seat.

Things got very awkward after that moment, Adrianne was still looking at Croy like she would stab him, I guess she shows her love in a different way. Adrianne- 0 Melody- 2, she really needed to step her game up.
He cleared his throat. "So what else?"
It was obvious Adrianne didn't want to talk about anything else except me and David even though my uncle didn't want to hear about it. That didn't stop her from trying to make me look like a 'bad girl', yet again.
"The music...I can't stand the music, you know I get migraines" She said, clearly trying to evoke some sympathy.
Allyson laughed, "Oh please! Since when?!" Thank god I wasn't the only one that sensed the bullshit in her statement.

"Since things started changing in my body" Adrianne said while looking at Croy but he didn't seem to acknowledge her.
"Well as a family we have to meet each other half way...Mel you can still play your music but do it in the basement from now on" He said, trying to fix the problem when really he just made it worse.
Of course Adrianne wasn't even happy with that, even though she wasn't being asked to give up what she loved doing. "She does play in the basement, when that boy is over...But I can still hear her-There's too much noise!"

Yet again she called him 'that boy'  but that wasn't even what annoyed me the most about what she said. The fact that she said I played my guitar in the basement when he comes over, pissed me off. It was like she was implying that I had something to hide or perhaps we were doing something else in the basement, which was absolutely ridiculous. She made no logical sense at all, if she heard us playing music or what she refers to as 'noise' , how could she possibly think we were doing something else? It's kind of hard to have sex and play a guitar, I'm just saying.
"You can use ear plugs Adri" 'Adri' that was his little nickname for her.  "But yeah, Mel you should limit your playing time to a reasonable amount and only play about 3 times a week."
Was he seriously going to treat me that way because she was his beautiful and bitchy wife now? "That's not fair!" I shouted.

"I'm sorry but maybe Adrianne will be okay with you playing more often, you should ask her"

Screw that, I wasn't asking her anything. If she wanted to play that game, she could play it but I wasn't going to entertain her shit anymore. "No, it's fine" I mumbled, crossing my arms and slouching further down into the cushions.

The only thing I wanted to do was go in my room, lock the door and lay on my bed. What else was there to talk about anyways?
"Well, I guess the next thing we should talk about is Christmas- what do you guys want to do? I think we should do something special together since there has been alot of change in all of our lives recently" He suggested, but of course Adrianne shut him down.
"I think we should all celebrate Christmas here at home, that will be special enough honey" Adrianne was clearly the one who wore the pants in their relationship even though she barely made as much money as him. If I were him I would've put her in her place and told her she wasn't making any decisions in this house until she started paying some of the bills. "What do you think girls?" She asked, making it seem like she had the perfect idea.

"Eh, you know how I feel about Christmas mom..This time of season, all the memories-" Adrianne said, sounding unenthusiastic.
"I don't care how you feel about it, you're celebrating it with us and what about you Melody?" She said looking over at me as if she were expecting something wild to come out of my mouth.
I shrugged, she was pushy and acted like a queen. "I don't care what we do, I'm easy"

"Okay good then what do you guys want for Christmas?" She asked, taking over the conversation that Croy initially started.
As if Allyson had been bit by a spider, she jumped from her seat a little bit. "A TV!"
My eyes shot wide open, as if my eyelids had exploded or something. This was perfect, I hated watching TV and the TV in my room was just collecting dust. "You can take mine" I said.
"Really?" Allyson seemed surprised, like I was joking or something.
"Yeah, I don't watch tv...You can even take it right now. It's taking up space in my room"
Allyson smiled, "Wow, ummm. Thanks?" She said that more like a question rather than a statement. I guess she couldn't understand why I was being generous. Even though Allyson flashed me an awkward smile, it was still the first time Allyson actually smiled at me, usually she was throwing daggers at me with her eyes.

Sergeant Adrianne ruined the moment, as usual. "Uh-uh-uh" she said,waving her index finger from side to side like a Foucault pendulum. "We aren't done yet...Melody didn't say what she wants for Christmas." Her eyes were on me again.
I didn't even have to think long and hard about this "I want some privacy and an aquatic turtle, like a red-eared slider."

      Adrianne rolled her eyes. "Reptilian animals smell like piss, and why would you need privacy? You're only 15 years old, you don't need privacy-privacy is for adults"

     Croy shook his head, sighing and looking at Adrianne like she was crazy, because she was. "She's going to be 16 in a few weeks, I think she deserves privacy, everyone deserves privacy no matter how old they are and you have to respect that" Croy said before he started looking confused "Wait-How can we give you privacy though?"

   "It's simple. I want curtains for the Windows- dark ones and since I can't have a turtle, I want a shower" I said, looking over at Adrianne as she rolled her eyes in dismay.
    Croy quickly refuted her statement she had said about the turtle "No, you can have your turtle and ill make some calls, regarding the shower situation-I can't guarantee it will happen though"
     I smiled, Adrianne-0 Melody-3,I was really good at this game . "Thanks...What do you want for Christmas?" I asked him before I got cut off by Adrianne's dramatic ass interruption.

      She got up from her seat and looked at us all like she had done something wrong, perhaps she wanted to apologize. That would've been the best thing to do but when she opened her mouth to speak she didn't say those two little words that could make a huge difference 'I'm sorry.'
Instead she poured out a bunch of words like her mouth was the Niagara falls, full of force and a wild rush. "Guys, I guess you want to know why I've been acting so different lately... And why I've been kind of on the edge. I think this is the best time to say this since we're all here together."
    We all looked around at each other, and then looked back at her, wanting her to carry on with what she had to say. "Spit it out already!" Allyson said impatiently.
    Her voice got lower and slower. "Well, I'm-I'm pregnant!" She exclaimed.
It was like an elephant had stepped into the room, no one said anything we all just kind of looked at her like she didn't belong there.  This felt too soon, and I know life is unexpected but something just didn't feel right.

"WHAT?!?!" Croy shouted, with his eyes wide and his mouth still hanging wide open.

Damn, he did not take that as well as I thought he would. Adrianne was his queen, his reason for living, she was his everything. I didn't understand why he was acting like he didn't want it, he always wanted kids but never found the right one, until now.
"Yes sweetie, you're going to be a father" She  looked down at the ground, like she was embarrassed. "Are you happy or upset? You're making it hard for me to tell right now"

He shook his head back and forth. "I don't understand...I THOUGHT YOU HAD AN IUD!?" He nearly shouted, despite his obvious effort to remain somewhat calm
"An IUD!" Allyson got up from her seat, grinning away. "Damn, mom I guess you did learn after those 5 abortions you had"
An IUD? 5 abortions!? What the fuck was going on?!? This was too much for me to take in. I couldn't tell if Allyson was joking or not but I kept listening and just observing, watching Adrianne's face grow redder and redder by the second, it must've been true. "Soooo mom... What makes this baby different from the other 5?" She said, harshly.
Croy threw his hand up at Allyson, making her get quiet. "How are you pregnant?! Aren't the chances of getting pregnant slim to none with those things? How long have you had that thing? How long have you even known you were pregnant?" He threw question, after question, after question at her, the pressure was on.

She was silent but then she frowned. "I've had it for 4 years now, they last about 10 years Croy, you should know that! I took a test last week, I've only known this for 3 days...I can't control what happens to my body, yeah the chances of getting pregnant with an IUD are very slim but it happened" She stopped talking and kept staring at him, studying his posture and everything about him. "You should be happy, this is like..a gift. It was like this was meant to be, we had the odds against us yet I'm pregnant. Be happy!" She shouted out to him, as if he would just start jumping up and down and bowing down to her feet just because she said so.
"Are you sure the IUD is still even in you...I mean what if it came out or got knocked out of place or something?" He asked.
"Why do you insist on asking questions?! Do you not want the baby?!" She threw her hands up in the air, rolling her eyes and looking over at me and Allyson who were just sitting there watching them.
"It's not that I don't want it! I do-I'm just worried...This is kind of risky, don't you know that?" He said, getting up and walking over to her.
"There's nothing to be worried about Croy, I'll make a doctors appointment since you're so 'worried' about the baby, better yet I can just get rid of it, If that's what you want" She griped.
Allyson sucked her teeth. "Wow mom you're a disgrace, I can't even look at you...Sometimes I'm ashamed that you're even my mother."
Adrianne turned to her and was about to yell at her, it was so obvious. The look in her eyes, the tense muscles in her throat, she was going to yell but Croy stopped her. "We're not talking about this in front of them..We've said enough now let's finish this conversation privately" He looked her in the eye when he said that, and she didn't even say anything. They just walked upstairs and disappeared from our sight.

***

"Do you like it?" I asked Allyson, as I stood there in her pink room, looking at the tv we had just moved, thanks to the help of girl power. (We actually took many breaks, but at least we got it done)  My eyes gazed over her room, I would expect her to like the color black-not pink. That was my bad judgement.
"Yeah! Of course I like it-otherwise I wouldn't have dragged it all the way up here" She replied.
"No! YOU didn't drag it all the way up here-I helped too!" I teased.
"Come on, look at you- I did the majority of the lifting..If you call your whining and moaning help then yeah, I guess you definitely helped alot! " She laughed at me.

I put my hands around my chest, gripping my self tightly while looking down at the ground.
"I'm sorry if I offended you, it was just a joke" Her voice was dripping with caution, and it looked like she was walking on eggshells as she slowly walked over to me.
"Look, I know I can be a bitch sometimes but, you just don't understand my humor...I really didn't mean to offend you-that time"
The touch of her hand against my shoulder, made me shake. "I don't care about what you said Allyson, I'm trying to listen to your mother and my uncle-Shh!" I said, placing my ear against the wall.
Adrianne started dying of laughter. "Nice try! Those walls are heavily insulated, I can tell- I never hear anything from their room"

I backed away from the wall and felt bad for being so nosy, that was none of my business.
"What's the matter?" Allyson said, noticing the hint of guilt on my face.
"I don't know, I'm just confused"
"Confused about what?"
Since Allyson was being nice right now I figured I wouldn't let this moment go to waste. "Was it true?" I asked, feeling bad for asking but my curiosity was getting the best of me.

             "Is what true?" She asked.
     "You know, everything you said about your mom-The abortions-Did she really...You know-"
     Adrianne sighed, "Yeah, she did...She had 5 abortions. My mom had me when she was 16, she doesn't choose good men, hence why she had 5 abortions but I don't blame her...I know I'm a hassle so I can see why she had those abortions even though I don't agree with it."

"Oh" Was the only thing I could say, I didn't know what else to say.
"I know you're probably thinking it's alot or you're either thinking that she's a slut...Trust me I know what you're thinking...I felt that way about my mom for 12 years now, I'm disgusted by her actions..I always wanted a little sister or a little brother to teach, to love, to be with- It's lonely being an only child." She turned her back to me and looked out the window on the door that led to the balcony. "It's lonely being an only child when your mom is young and still trying to live her life, still trying to live her dream, still trying to find love, all while leaving you behind and then wondering why you resent her so much...It's hard and I'll never forgive her for the horrible life she gave me, I'll never forgive her for the years she stole from me, I'll never forgive her for what she did to my father-" Her voice cracked at the end of her sentence.
Allyson's pain was like a new born baby, just crying and letting it's tears fill the room right now. I could feel it, I could touch the walls and feel the tears run off on my fingertips. It was obvious that was a touchy subject for her and I wasn't going to say anything despite how I opened my mouth like I was going to say something.

Her voice was like a crack of thunder, she was on the verge of tears now and the rain was about to sweep in and flood this room. "She had her chance! She had her chance to be a mother, a true mother! She had her chance with me but she didn't make the effort! A mother doesn't hand their kids off to their family and friends just so she can go out and have fun! A mother doesn't tell her child to shut up when they're crying! A mother doesn't run off with some random guy for the weekend and tell her daughter she'll be back tomorrow just to appease her! She had her chance-She had her fucking chance! She had her chance FIVE TIMES to at least be a good mother but she turned around and let someone murder her innocent children! And now she's pregnant and so excited to be a mom...She doesn't deserve to be a mother, she doesn't even know what a mother is!"
Damn, Allyson's words really moved me that night. We both had issues with our moms, but she made mine seem petty. Her wounds were much deeper than mine. Her years of resentment and disappointment only allowed her to keep digging a deeper and deeper hole for her to fall in and disappear- completely shutting herself off from her mother. I felt her pain, and I wanted her to know that but I couldn't bring myself to talk about my own mom, let alone comment on anything she just said- it wasn't my place to.

She was a hurricane, ripping through a city and breaking through the sky, overshadowing the sun. A levee was pointless, she couldn't be stopped, she was going to flood every town, every city, every nation, and make them all fall down to her knees and cry as she inflicted her own pain upon them.
Allyson broke the silence again when she made a sarcastic laugh. "You know she has the nerve to shun me for my sex life yet she's been with so many guys I've lost count. She's such a hypocrite and I hate her-She's so desperate to fall in love, desperate to find that one guy that will fill that void in her heart, she's so desperate to please a man, she's so desperate to be someone's one and only, she's so desperate to love someone else....But she's not desperate to love me."